TUNNEL LIGHTS

* WARRNING: THIS BLOG POST CONTAINS THE NAME JESUS AND TALKS ABOUT OTHER THINGS THAT COULD BE DEAMED “CHRISTIAN” LOL *

Its funny how when God is trying to speak to you and you’re not opening your ears to listen to him he will continue to speak. The other day my I was at my aunts house and I overheard my cousin on the phone speaking to someone about Jesus and church. Without getting into too much detail this cousin is one of the few people that I thought I would never hear mention the name Jesus let alone minister like they were that night. I was a proud of them. On the way home there were two homeless people pushing their carts down the street. It was late at night and there was no other people on the streets, no cars on the road so I could hear their conversation clearly.

“You know I’m so blessed, my brother lost his job and just found out he has cancer, all of are parents and children are gone and he does not know what he’s going to do.”

Just to hear him say that re-awoke something in me (or turned up the volume rather) that I had been ignoring.

I have been mulling over whether or not to let go of someone that I had once called friend. I had been feeling in my heart that I finally had gotten to my last straw with them. I thought over how many times I had been a shoulder for them to cry on, an ear for them to speak to, even offer them a couch when they did not want there own. I then compared that to how many times when I call them and they don't even answer the phone. I contrasted that to when I had no one to turn to and turned to them they showed me their back.

“Who need a friend like that.”

is what I thought. They were (as Madea said) a branch, when I put a little pressure on them they broke.

I had already cut one person I called  “Friend” loose because I figured them to be a user. They got what they wanted out of me and from me then like a magic smoke they seemed to forget my name existed. They I deemed a user. This friend I told about themselves and told him how they were not being the type of friend I was to them and how hurt i was because I thought they felt as I did. I thought they understood and was of the like that  a friend is a family member that you get to choose yourself. This is the reason why I can count the people I call friend barely on both hands. This is the reason why most of the people that I give that name to have been that for more that 10 years.

This week I listen to God and God told me no. God told me not to cut this person loose because they are my friend. I would never disown a family member so how could I disown a friend.  Of course I wrestled with this one. This one friend that I had cut loose and this one that I was going to cut loose were toxic people, they were users; why would god tell me to keep these people in my life when they were brining me down? God gave me the answer.

Like any family member you do whatever you can for that person simply because they are that person, no more no less, so how could you do less for a family member that you yourself chose. “Old friends” are the achievement of being a good person, the achievement of being a person who's spirit is truly blessed and a heart that is truly kind so getting rid of them when they might need you the most is not the way to get them to be “Old friends”. And  No matter how many friends you have NONE of them are god and none of them are you.

I already knew that part of friendship  is staying in contact and seeing how that person is doing and wanting to know what is going on in that person's life and just showing general concern, but I was expecting these people to WANT to do those things in return and that was my error. You cant make a person WANT to do something if it is not in there heart to want it. The only thing that you can do is what is in YOUR heart to do. I forgot that the only people I that I should ever expect anything out of is myself and God. I forgot that the key to having old friends is treating them like family and that is showing them unconditional love. If you let him God will weed out the people in your life that do not need to be there.

The day may come when these people will call on me to do something for them: maybe listen to their story, let them cry on my shoulder, sleep on my couch, or just sit next to them in their empty house. Its up to me to be available to them because god has directed them to my doorstep for a purpose and it is up to me to let God work out whatever God needs to work out.  

I apologized to the one friend I cut loose and if god ever does send the other friend my way again I will ask them for their forgiveness.