TUNNEL LIGHTS

The other day I was watching “The Pursuit of Happiness” and on the special features it explained that the producers including Will Smith chose an Italian man (Gabriele Muccino) to direct the movie. One of the things he said completely incarcerated my thoughts and forced me to write this.

“As Americans you guys don’t really understand and appreciate ‘The American Dream’. To fully appreciate and understand ‘The American Dream’ you have to be a foreigner.”

I wonder how true that statement is? I’ve had plenty of friends whose parents (and some themselves) have come to this country; made good and tell the story,

“I came here with nothing and now look at me.”

As children we are taught to go to school and get good grades you so can get into a good college. Once you have gotten into the good college you get a good education so you can get a good job. Once you have the good job you’re to buy the nice big home with the white picket fence, the nice car that you trade in for a nice sports car latter in life, and start the nice family so the cycle can repeat. That particular dream is ok for some, hey this is American and if that is what a person wants from life then they have the right to pursue. It took a very long time to figure out that particular dream was not for me. Some people’s American dream is to be the richest they can; richer than anyone ever and being born and raised in a democratic society with a capitalistic economic structure you already have an ingrained propensity for the wealth acquirement itch. I’m not saying wanting to be the richest man/woman there ever was makes you greedy capitalistic scum and a leach upon the world and its resources (although I know some reading this would say that). I’m not say that NOT wanting to be rich but seeking a life different from wealth acquisition maybe even seeking spiritual or personal education and elightenment makes you a hippy or a terrorist (although I so some reading this would say that).

What I am saying or asking rather is as Americans do we (myself included) understand and appreciate “The American Dream?” I think as Americans we fully understand “The American Dream” but I think we as Americans do not fully appreciate the access we have to that/those dream(s) verses what most people have in other countries. Keeping with the movie theme take into consideration movies like “Slumdog Millionaire” or “Jerusalema” both movies about men whom came from the unthinkable and achieved the unbelievable. One man in India one man in South Africa but both made good on what we in have claimed in America as our own. The idea of surpassing any and all odds to achieve our hearts desire whatever that might be. That is what we have claimed as “The American Dream.” I have some friends whose ideal would be to see America and all its hypocrisy come full circle. I know that they would like nothing more for all of its greedy corporations and double talking politicians expunged from the face of the Earth. I also have some friends whose ideal would be to make over the world and fill it with capitalism and democracy in every corners and all its crevices. I’d just like to write and have a few of my books and poetry published and make enough money to be what they call “comfortable.”

I’m thinking and I could be wrong is maybe Gabriele Muccino might have meant is that we as Americans do not appreciate and understand. The ease of access and the options of opportunities we have for success in and as Americans.

As a gay black man in America I could play my little violin (and I did for a while) and say how “the man” keeps me down and how “the government” wont even grant me first class citizenship in this country. Explicitly defining what my pursuit of happiness should be and there by limiting it. I think as you get older you start to realize that there will always be something. There will always be something that will be an obstacle in the way. I hate to use these words seeing how they have been overused in the past few years but it is sort of elitist (to me) to think that things should be handed to you just because you want them weather it be ten million dollars, a mansion, and a yacht. It seems (to me) a bit on the entitlement side to think that everyone should want to go out and protest the things (or anything for that matter) that you feel are unjust and unfair, to think that everyone should rally behind the banner of a cause that you (or anyone for that matter) have deemed personally righteous. In Africa certain people are denied jobs for the simple fact that they are from a particular tribe. In America I know that I have been turned down for jobs (and in one case actually given) simply because I am black, but the difference I think he meant is that we have recourse in America. We can take action and depending on how much and how hard we are willing to fight( not how much we willing to complain about how wrong it was) the outcome can be changed. In those places in Africa that’s simply just it, you can not have the job (or most other things that you want )and there is nothing you can do about it.

I think he might have meant that we do not appreciate the fact that as Americans we can do something against something that is negative in our eyes. We do not have to settle for any glass ceiling that is said to be given to use. I know some (reading this right now) scoff and say that you can only go so far and THEY will let you and you’ll NEVER get passed that. I say for THEM that is true. They will only go so far and will only ever achieve so much because they have accepted what someone else has transcribed as their limitations. I think what he meant is that even though America can seem to be all about money, greed, and corruptions is also about opportunity, and choice. You can choose to listen to what THEY tell you and only go as far as THEY will let you or you can take hold of the opportunities available to ALL BY LAW (something very few other countries offer) and at least try to achieve whatever it is that is your own personal American Dream.

©Christopher F. Brown 2009

* WARRNING: THIS BLOG POST CONTAINS THE NAME JESUS AND TALKS ABOUT OTHER THINGS THAT COULD BE DEAMED “CHRISTIAN” LOL *

Its funny how when God is trying to speak to you and you’re not opening your ears to listen to him he will continue to speak. The other day my I was at my aunts house and I overheard my cousin on the phone speaking to someone about Jesus and church. Without getting into too much detail this cousin is one of the few people that I thought I would never hear mention the name Jesus let alone minister like they were that night. I was a proud of them. On the way home there were two homeless people pushing their carts down the street. It was late at night and there was no other people on the streets, no cars on the road so I could hear their conversation clearly.

“You know I’m so blessed, my brother lost his job and just found out he has cancer, all of are parents and children are gone and he does not know what he’s going to do.”

Just to hear him say that re-awoke something in me (or turned up the volume rather) that I had been ignoring.

I have been mulling over whether or not to let go of someone that I had once called friend. I had been feeling in my heart that I finally had gotten to my last straw with them. I thought over how many times I had been a shoulder for them to cry on, an ear for them to speak to, even offer them a couch when they did not want there own. I then compared that to how many times when I call them and they don't even answer the phone. I contrasted that to when I had no one to turn to and turned to them they showed me their back.

“Who need a friend like that.”

is what I thought. They were (as Madea said) a branch, when I put a little pressure on them they broke.

I had already cut one person I called  “Friend” loose because I figured them to be a user. They got what they wanted out of me and from me then like a magic smoke they seemed to forget my name existed. They I deemed a user. This friend I told about themselves and told him how they were not being the type of friend I was to them and how hurt i was because I thought they felt as I did. I thought they understood and was of the like that  a friend is a family member that you get to choose yourself. This is the reason why I can count the people I call friend barely on both hands. This is the reason why most of the people that I give that name to have been that for more that 10 years.

This week I listen to God and God told me no. God told me not to cut this person loose because they are my friend. I would never disown a family member so how could I disown a friend.  Of course I wrestled with this one. This one friend that I had cut loose and this one that I was going to cut loose were toxic people, they were users; why would god tell me to keep these people in my life when they were brining me down? God gave me the answer.

Like any family member you do whatever you can for that person simply because they are that person, no more no less, so how could you do less for a family member that you yourself chose. “Old friends” are the achievement of being a good person, the achievement of being a person who's spirit is truly blessed and a heart that is truly kind so getting rid of them when they might need you the most is not the way to get them to be “Old friends”. And  No matter how many friends you have NONE of them are god and none of them are you.

I already knew that part of friendship  is staying in contact and seeing how that person is doing and wanting to know what is going on in that person's life and just showing general concern, but I was expecting these people to WANT to do those things in return and that was my error. You cant make a person WANT to do something if it is not in there heart to want it. The only thing that you can do is what is in YOUR heart to do. I forgot that the only people I that I should ever expect anything out of is myself and God. I forgot that the key to having old friends is treating them like family and that is showing them unconditional love. If you let him God will weed out the people in your life that do not need to be there.

The day may come when these people will call on me to do something for them: maybe listen to their story, let them cry on my shoulder, sleep on my couch, or just sit next to them in their empty house. Its up to me to be available to them because god has directed them to my doorstep for a purpose and it is up to me to let God work out whatever God needs to work out.  

I apologized to the one friend I cut loose and if god ever does send the other friend my way again I will ask them for their forgiveness.

In the United States of America the celebration of the fourth of July is a time to celebrate the freedom that as Americans possess.  The irony to me is that in most states setting off fireworks without a permit or even possessing most of them (as if they were drugs) is considered illegal.  The very thing that is one of the iconic symbols that represents  this nations freedom is also contraband.

People attend corporate sponsored events sanctioned by the local governments where one can purchase this and bye that. All the while little children look up in awe at the pretty colors and loud sounds and lovers share hotdogs, sodas, and candy.

When I was a young child everyone in the neighborhood would gather in the alley or at the park on the basketball court and set off bottle rockets, screamers, and what have you. This was what the fourth of July was to me as a child. It was a time when the whole neighborhood gathered and the community came together and had a fun and eventful time. We did not need any local officials telling us what we could and could not do. What was and was not suitable.

The counter argument is of course the perpetual story of some young child blowing off a finger or two playing with M-80’s, or how one fourth of July little somebody got into the “stash” and burned mama’s grandma’s uncle’s or simply “The House” down.  I wont do the whole thing and blame it on parenting because even as a child I set off a firecracker in my hand and for those few seconds while my hand hurt and my ears rang (convinced I had gone deaf) I just knew I would be in trouble. I learned my lesson, but I believe that education not total prohibition of most things is a better answer in most cases. When the people want something they tend to find ways to get it. When it is something that could be monitored and regulated and actually bring people together without strife, malice, or discord I just wonder why?

It seems to me a bit Orwellish or something from a Kafka short.

“The celebration of the day that the nation claimed it independence from imperial rule, its freedom from unjust and unfair laws and taxations. The celebration of when those colonial rebels bested the British crown. A celebration in remembrance of the rebel spirit  freed this nation and created the term “Americans” but only in the ways the government sees fit, only in the way the government will allow”

As I sat in Jack London square last night watching the bombs burst in the air I questioned (as always) how free are we? How free are we not from Imperial rule but how free are we from capitalistic domination. Where does the line between government protection and corporate control end?

Adding more salt in the wound is that the majority of the fireworks that are used to celebrate and remind us Americans (and the world for that matter) of our freedom  comes from a nation that is equally known world wide for its oppressions of its people (China). In recent years China had enjoyed an economic boom and most people that cared to think of it thought that more economic freedom would automatically equate more social freedom for its people. The world assumed incorrectly. With more people in China able to afford laptops and internet service the government asked (told rather) the American internet companies to implement search restricting software in its china based programs.  The average Chinese citizen born after 1989 has never even heard of the JUNE 5 1989 (think about that one for a second) democratic protests Tiananmen Square. I know for a fact that by me mentioning that date and those words Chinese search engines will not find this article so just to make sure “Tank Man”

The land of the free in bed (in so many and too many ways for me) with the home of the civilly oppressed. I again wonder is this the nation that those colonial rebels had in mind when they stood their ground against the British crown all those many years ago and said.

“NO!”

June of 2009 has so far been a month of great loss in the entertainment industry and to the world really. The sheer amount of talent that has passed from this world this month will take generations to replace if ever.

The first passing I heard about was of Bea Arthur, even thought this was not in June it was the start for me. This woman oozed more talent from single pore than what most actors and actress of today can even dream of possessing. I believe it might have been the show “Maude” where I first saw her. Incidentally “Maude” spun off the magnificent “Good Times.” (just like all if the family spun off The Jeffersons) Florida (Flo) was Maude’s maid and James had got a “good job” and the also got into the projects. Florida did not have to work anymore. I don’t think James’ name was even James yet; it might have been Frank or something. I think maybe it might have even “Golden Girls” where I first saw her. I know shortly afterwards I came across the old remake of the even older musical “Mame” with Lucile Ball. I remember seeing Bea in that black dress, and that black hat singing and dancing astonished me as I think she did every other gay male born between the 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s.

Just taking a look at her acting credentials alone puts even the bets to shame. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beatrice_Arthur)

Bea Arthur (May 13, 1922 – April 25, 2009) was and actor’s actor and she will be missed.

Cora Walton aka Koko Taylor. She was and probably will remain the undisputed Queen of the Blues earning her crown in a kingdom dominated by men. If you know the blues then I don’t have to go into who this woman was and how much talent this woman graced the world with. Her most recognizable song

“We gone wang dang doodle all night long.”

is merely the tip of a career spanning over 57 years. She produced 17 albums and lived to the age of 81 most of which was spent in the industry.

Koko Taylor (September 28, 1928 – June 3, 2009) you will be missed.

David Carradine. If you were alive in the 70’s or 80’s (or have seen the re-runs) then you know what this man is possibly most identifiable for. The role of the monk Kwai Chang Caine was plaid by him for three years and even a short lived spin off in the mid 90’s. A little known fact is that he owes Bruce Lee thanks for receiving the role of Kwai Chang Caine in Kung Fu. It was around the time that Bruce Lee was cast for the Green Hornet and was shooting another movie that the makers of Kung Fu decided on David. They believed that Bruce would not be able to keep to the scheduled and David / Kwai Chang Caine was born.

The most recent performance that comes to mind was that of Bill in “Kill Bill 1 and 2.” There is still some controversy surrounding his death ranging from a debauched sexual act to the Thai Mafia. Whatever the truth is we may not ever find out or one day just as unexpected as his passing we just might.

David Carradine (December 8, 1936 – June 3, 2009) you will be missed.

We like to think that Angels are immortal; forever beautiful; and beyond reproach just recently we found how mortal one of ours was. Farrah Fawcett was most notably ill Munroe from Charlie’s Angel’s. Like many other attractive actresses she spawned many of pre-adolescent clones in the 70’s. What they could not copy in fashion they did with her signature hair. I would be very negligent if I did not mention her beauty and even though it is somewhat missed on me Ive been told that it was of legend.

Farrah Fawcett (February 2, 1947 – June 25, 2009) you will be missed

What is there that can not be said about this man. He was one part of the most successful late night television show in the history of late night television “the late show with Johnny Carson”. He was the host of the 80’s spectacular (more like spectacle) “Star Search” where if you got all five stars and won the show you would be sure to be forgotten. If you haven to luck up and lose then your career was sure to take off. (Some of the most notable losers were Sin Bad and Rosie O’Donnell.) He was also the spoke person for the publishing clearing sweepstakes in his later years but most will remember him as one of the founding forces in television.

Ed McMahon (March 6, 1923 – June 23, 2009) you will be missed

This one I’m still in a bit of shock over. Michael Jackson “The undisputed KING OF POP” passed away on the 25th of this month and even writing that just does not seem right to me. I feel as if it was something greater than a lie that everyone knows just not to believe but its true Michael Jackson is dead.

I think that I’ll start with 80’s Michael because that’s when I was introduced to him. The first I ever say of him was the “I wanna rock with you” video with him all decked out in sequence. The “off the wall” album was a great success which was only topped by and even greater success, “the bad” with hits like the title track, “billie jean”, and “beat it”. I remember about a week or two after the video to “Beat It” came out all the kids on the playground had these red jackets with random zippers all over the place. I did not have one but of course I wanted one. I think they were like 100 and something bucks and back then (and swiftly catching up now) a 100 and something bucks was a lot of money to spend on a jacket for a child. On a side note Michael Jackson was one (and I might be mistaken but the only) black artist to be played on the new television network MTV.

No one ever thought that opening rift to “Beat It” would ever be topped and then it happened. Michael Jackson introduced the world to “Thriller.” The album defined what and album was by obtaining (and still remains to this day) the number one selling album of all time. The video basically set the standard for what a music video should be from then on out. I could go on and on about the creator of the moon walk. I could rave about The “Remember the time” video. I even tell you all how Wesley Snipes was the antagonist in the “Bad” video but it still does not all seem real to me.

I know that there will be a tremendous amount of haters saying that they are happy he is gone sighting the alleged child molesting accusations or his executrices. Combating them I will not do here because that would add another page and the man is dead. This man shone it this world and did so many things that no other had and probably never will. The man named Michael Jackson gave his life to the public and his fans since the age of 7. He spent 43 years in the industry and the majority of that was always at the top. Michael Jackson was a bright and blazing star amongst the stars.

Michael Jackson (August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009 ) (wow its really real) you will be greatly missed.

Itchy red watery eyes; congested and runny nose, does this sound like you? Then you know what I have been enduring for the past few weeks. Sinuses, Hay fever, whatever your name it all comes down to Allergies.

Allergies have ruined many of date and a few interviews for me. Most of the medications I’ve use to counteract the symptoms of the body’s various histamine reactions have in some cases caused worse side effects than the allergy itself. There is a medication (which shall remain nameless) that I once used to decongest my nose. It not only opened the floodgates releasing the mucus from my nose but also set free some blood as well.

The reason I am writing this now (June 23, 2009) is because I’m still suffering. One of the many reasons I love summer is because it is an end to allergy season. It is the joyful bliss of cool lemon (or kool) aid in the hot sun. Watching my caramel complexion turn a deeper, richer brown. The start of this “summer” (if it can be call that) I have been afflicted with my condition from a season ago. My head has been so filled with so much mucus that I feel the inside of my nose to the end of my ear throbbing and pounding with pressure. I sneeze thinking that it will bring relief only for it to increase the pressure without the macabre blessing of my head exploding.

Why then? For what reason am I and others like myself still in suffering? The meteorologists said something of the short start and stop rains along with the short start and stop heat spells that we had through out our technical spring confused the trees and plants. They said that the trees and plants started releasing their pollen then there were hot days coupled with cold overcastted fogy days so the plats and trees stopped, but they  started up again this month because of the heat and blah blah blah.

“Tis the season.” The trees are saying to one another, only it is a season too late.

The tree and grass pollen mixed with dust is my blight. It is no fun enjoying a nice cloud free day with a slight breeze only to have it halted when your eyes turn red, then began to water uncontrollable, and finally just swell shut. It is no fun trying to enjoy ice cream not because it complements the summer’s sweet warmth, but because your throat has become sore from breathing hot dry air. The sting and the bite on your esophagus makes swallowing anything other than hot or cold (but nothing temperate) hardly sufferable. All because your nose can no longer serve it’s designated purpose.

I would like to blame global warming and I’m pretty sure if I looked hard enough I could find enough evidence much more than exculpatory to support my claims.(I noticed yesterday is was 8:30pm and the sun was still very high in the sky and a good 75 degrees out. I only say this because as I remember it goes

“fall forward and spring back”

so we are a good ways from any day light savings adjustments.) I could blame the genetics that made me more suited to dry arid climates with no trees and little vegetation. Whatever the blame may be in truth, whatever the ultimate cause I just continue to pray that it all ends soon.

Meanwhile I and the hundreds of thousands like myself will continue to haunt the medicine isle of Walgreens, Longs, and Safeways, and blight the uncomfortable chairs at the pharmacy waiting rooms with tissues and rags in hand. We will wait with the hope that soon the running noses will stop. The Itchy red watery eyes will clear; and the congested ears and nose swill open, and then we can blissfully enjoy what is left of the summer.

It has been a few days now since I have been without television. Truly it is not that big of a deal to me, but the internet signal that I was using (pirating) has also been shut off and that is where the difficulty arises. I never really watched TV to any great expanse (due to the fact that I did not have cable, and the only channels that did come in clearly were channel 9 (PBS) and channel 7. (I don't know what station that is. I think maybe ABC)

I was one of the many people who claim not to watch television all that much and if I did it was only background noise which was true. It was true because the one eyed goddess that summoned me was ye ole internet. With her is were I would spend the hours and hours on end feasting upon her hypnotic sustenance. With lady internet I delighted in everything that could be imagined and cast aside television. When the desire for television did flash in the background of my mind lady internet provided that as well. I never need to leave her embrace.

When the people whose signal I was using decided not to pay their bill; well that left me in my current rut of no television and no internet at home. I of course have Peet’s cafe with their free internet access, but them closing at 8pm leaves me with huge hunk of time to myself at home. I read of course, and I love to read so I’m not some Oprah experiment pulling my hair out panicking because I am left without technology at home. I also have my DVD’s (which most i have watched twice over now) so the new question now arises.

“Do I buy a converter box"?”

I haven't brought one yet because I don't have the money, and the coupons I had expired. With all the books that I have; all the writing that I plan on doing and need to get done I am asking myself.

“Is it worth it?”

I started back knitting again. (and i remember the reason why I stopped) Knitting was something that I learned because I had lost my glasses and could not read any of my books plus at that time and the TV was out so I needed something to do. It is very boring and monotonous but the results are satisfying. I have a batch of soap setting (another hobby i picked up) and this give me time to finally put out the last and final edit of my book. So then why do i still want to go home and turn on the television if not just to hear it. Could it be that it is a drug that my brain and body has become accustom too? I feel like I'm suffering from “cold turkey syndrome”. Most addiction specialist will tell you now if you’re on multiple drugs don't try to quit them all at once. You are to slowly wean yourself off of them one at a time if you can.

I'm going through technological withdrawal.

I guess this is a good thing.

I was about to chew one a piece of this (which is quite good) when by chance I flipped the package over. If you look at the list of ingredients you see that there is one highlighted. You are probably asking yourself like I did

“What is ‘Phenylalanine’ and why is it highlighted?”

Here is what i found out.

Phenylalanine is an essential amino acid (building block for proteins in the body). It is essential to human health but cannot be manufactured by the body. For this reason, phenylalanine must be obtained from food. It is available in three chemical forms, including L-phenylalanine (the natural form of phenylalanine found in proteins throughout the body), D-phenylalanine (a mirror image of L-phenylalanine that is synthesized in a laboratory), and DL-phenylalanine, a combination of the previous two forms

http://www.umm.edu/altmed/articles/phenylalanine-000318.htm

Ok so no problem right, but why is it in my gum?

L-phenylalanine is found in most foods that contain protein such as beef, poultry, pork, fish, milk, yogurt, eggs, cheese, soy products (including soy protein isolate, soybean flour, and tofu), and certain nuts and seeds. The artificial sweetener aspartame is also high in phenylalanine.

http://www.umm.edu/altmed/articles/phenylalanine-000318.htm

This explains why it is my gum but of course why the need to highlight it and bold it? More research and this is what I found

a rare metabolic disorder called phenylketonuria (PKU) occurs in people who are missing an enzyme that is needed to properly metabolize phenylalanine, causing high levels of phenylalanine in the body. Symptoms of PKU, which tend to appear between 3 and 6 months of age, include eczema, developmental delay, an abnormally small head, and hyperactivity. If it is not treated before 3 weeks of age, PKU can cause severe, irreversible mental retardation. In the United States, newborns are tested for PKU during the first 48 - 72 hours of life.

People with PKU must eat a phenylalanine-restricted, tyrosine-supplemented diet to have optimum brain development and growth. Rarely, over-restriction of phenylalanine in the diet can lead to deficiency of this amino acid, with the same symptoms described above

People with phenylketonuria (PKU) and women who are lactating or are pregnant should not take phenylalanine supplements. Aspartame, found in artificial sweeteners such as Nutrasweet, is a source of phenylalanine for the body. Therefore, the use of aspartame is not recommended in individuals with PKU. Little is known about the use of aspartame during pregnancy. Talk with your health care provider about using this artificial sweetener.

DL-phenylalanine should not be used in individuals diagnosed with schizophrenia, as it may cause symptoms of tardive dyskinesia. Tardive dyskinesias (TDs) are involuntary movements of the tongue, lips, face, trunk, and extremities that generally occur in patients treated with long-term antipsychotic drug use.

DL-phenylalanine may cause symptoms of anxiety, jitteriness, and hyperactivity in children. Children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) may need to avoid foods containing aspartame, which is made from phenylalanine.

Doses in excess of 5,000 mg a day may be toxic and can cause nerve damage. High quantities of DL-phenylalanine may cause mild side effects such as nausea, heartburn, and headaches.

http://www.umm.edu/altmed/articles/phenylalanine-000318.htm

“OH SHIT! WHAT THE HELL IS IN MY GUM?”

That is were I was left after reading that. I knew that I did not have this “PKU disorder” so I know that I’m ok in that order and even though I’ve been jokingly told that I have ADD I haven't the papers so I’m cool on that front. All in all this did no seem to be that bad but me being me I did more research and I came across this web site http://sweetpoison.com/ How much of this information is true or just scare tactic used to sell her book i’ll let you all be the judge of. I did not post any of her research because frankly it looked a little “ify” to me but none the less it is there your you too check out and look through.

Is it safe for me? I guess so (according to the lady in the sweetpoison.com website hell now) but just knowing that there is something that has the potential to be so harmful in something so everyday, something so harmless has put me off. The information is out there for you to make the decision for yourself but for me I think that I will pass just to be on the safe side. I thought you all should know too.

First lets start with al little history of what “Juneteenth” really is or was.

“Though the Emancipation Proclamation had been issued on September 22, 1862, with an effective date of January 1, 1863, it had minimal immediate effect on most slaves’ day-to-day lives, particularly in Texas, which was almost entirely under Confederate control. Juneteenth commemorates June 19, 1865, the day Union General Gordon Granger and 2,000 federal troops arrived in Galveston, Texas, to take possession of the state and enforce the emancipation of its slaves. Legend has it while standing on the balcony of Galveston’s Ashton Villa, Granger read the contents of “General Order No. 3”:

The people of Texas are informed that, in accordance with a proclamation from the Executive of the United States, all slaves are free. This involves an absolute equality of personal rights and rights of property between former masters and slaves, and the connection heretofore existing between them becomes that between employer and hired labor. The freedmen are advised to remain quietly at their present homes and work for wages. They are informed that they will not be allowed to collect at military posts and that they will not be supported in idleness either there or elsewhere.^[10]

That day has since become known as Juneteenth, a name derived from a portmanteau of the words June and nineteenth.

Former slaves in Galveston rejoiced in the streets with jubilant celebrations. Juneteenth celebrations began in Texas the following year.^[10] Across many parts of Texas, freed people pooled their funds to purchase land specifically for their communities’ increasingly large Juneteenth gatherings — including Houston’s Emancipation Park, Mexia’s Booker T. Washington Park, and Emancipation Park in Austin.^[10] Juneteenth celebrations include a wide range of festivities, such as parades, street fairs, cookouts, or park parties and include such things as music and dancing or even contests of physical strength and intellect. Baseball and other popular American games may also be played.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juneteenth)

The celebration of this event in history was not and is not limited to Texas; for as long as I could remember this was always one of the summer celebrations that was held in the bay area, along with the dearly departed “Festival at the Lake” and many others.

This years celebration was a happy reintroduction due to its absences last year. There were many booths selling Barack and Michelle Obama T-shirts, Barack and Michelle Obama refrigerator magnets, and to my surprise; something I haven't seen before, Barack and Michelle Obama themed watches with big faces and rhinestones made to look like diamonds. The majority of the vendors were food vendors which was a good thing, unlike other open air festivals were you only have one section of food vendors and there are one or two vendors, creating a line that is insufferable. You could actually walk up and get food and be on your way.

This I say if you were able to find a park. I went with my mother and my little nephew and we made the mistake of driving. I think; no, I know that if we had have parked at the Bart station, took Bart and walked, we would have made better time than the 45 minuets we spent driving around a 5 block radius looking for a park.

Upon arrival we were greeted to the sounds of one of the De’Barge brothers singing a few of his brother’s (El’s) not so old stand by’s. Which De’Barge this was I do not know but he tried his best to belt out his brother’s hits. I gave him credit because I think there were tremendous sound problems. The mic cut in and out every 3 or so minuets and I saw someone intermittently adjusting his mic while he was singing, but he gave it a valiant effort. My mother on the other said that the De’Barge brother just did not know the words.

The overwhelming amount of security and police I felt was not necessary. This to me sends out and re-enforces the stereotype that black people can not gather together in large groups without there being any problems. I can see the devils advocate reasoning behind it stating that better to be safe than sorry, but the four or five cop/security mixture posted at every block end I think might have cost the event promoters more than what was needed. That however is something for the planning committee to take up and review next year.

It was a cool and fun event and carried me back to summer days as a child in the Bay Area. Every summer there was something going on. There was an event being held every two or three days if not then every weekend. In 2009 one can count on the Ashby flee market every weekend (weather permitting). There is also the Art and Soul festival this years will be August 15 & 16 (according to the website http://www.artandsouloakland.com/) instead of Labor Day weekend.

I love outdoor, summer time events. The sun on my skin, the music in the air, the people smiling and laughing, dancing and singing to their own tune. (Even though, sometimes it is not in tune with the one playing over the speakers.) Say what you will about public gatherings and outdoor events but I do believe that they are the stuff that is life blood to thriving communities. The life blood to a happy soul. (which is why I always take prospects to the flea market at least once very early one if not the second or third date. If you cant stand the flea market then I know that there is a 90% chance we wont work out, but that is another topic) People enjoying the sun and heat at a block party or some sponsored event is one of the things that makes summer my favorite season. In winter you are stuck inside, trying to escape cold and rain. The spring time for me was never fun: it was not hot enough, there was always a chance of rain, and on top of it all my allergies would configure my face to resemble a plague victim. Then there is summer. Summer you have just the right amount of hot to have that BBQ craving gene kick in. Summer is when people shed the unnecessary garments of constraint and just have fun. They have fun with their neighbors, family, and good ole fashion friends. Summertime is the time for letting go, relaxing and exhaling a sigh of relief. The relief that hardships are over for now and one can enjoy a time of ease or even just to forget. In the summer one can easily wake up and greet the sun with a smile and know that today is a day that the sun is smiling back

Very early this morning California's supreme court decided to up hold inequality. The highest court in the land ruled that equality for all does not include same sex couples and held that Prop (Ha +)8 was valid. Leaving for a moment the precedent this sets (the majority group and create laws that take away rights from groups of minorities and the court will up hold them.) and going to what this really means.

It means that in the state of California I'm a second class citizen, but im expected to pay state income taxes as if i where not.

This should be more that a wake up call people. I think its time that we show California that without OUR money this state would be in more trouble than it is.

We spend more money than anyone on "luxury" items in this state and we pay our taxes just like everyone else, but unlike everyone else we still are not granted the SAME (NOT ABOVE AND BEYOND BUT THE SAME) protections under the law.

PEOPLE WAKE UP

and remember your history. Its started with gays and lesbians, then came gypsies, then it was the jews. Do we need to even get that far before we SHOW OUR GOVERNMENT, THE PEOPLE THAT WORK FOR US that this is wrong, dead wrong.

If you have a job in this rough economy get together with your fellow LBGT coworkers and call in (or out) gay.

With pride just around the corner i wonder what would the economies of SF, LA, and San Diego do if ALL THAT MONEY BROUGHT IN FROM PRIDES were to disappear?

This is BS people and something truly needs to be done

I don’t know too much about where you came from but I do know something about who you were.

You were the woman who raised eight children to be strong. You raised them to be stronger than any other person that I have every encountered in my life. You instilled in them not just strength of muscle but strength of mind; the strength to stand fast to their convictions when others give way to doubt and fear. You gave them the strength of heart to love unconditionally without limits and with reason enough to walk away without closing the door.

You were the woman who raised eight children to be independent. You raised them to follow their dreams and their own voice even when it seemed like it was being drowned out by everyone else’s.

You, my grandmother, kept alive in your children practicality and resourcefulness. Where others saw junk and nothing you saw value more than sentiment. That goes for people too. What was once worthless you gave worth once more. Your sons and daughters however much they might deny it are you; each one of them in possession of a different part of your personality; a different part of you. My grandmother lived what she knew and taught to whoever would listen. I remember joking and laughing as a child at some of the home made remedies she used on me and told me. A humongous spoon full of mustard and eucalyptus tea to clear out the mucus in my chest a normal prescription for her asthmatic grandchild. I later discovered that they are more sound than the medicines I was taught in school to be “modern” and “advanced”. Only latter did some of the same modern medicines get pulled off the shelves. While what you taught me still remains.

In your own way you could bring your children, my family, together and keep them together focused and united.

You were my grandmother.

I and the rest of my family will miss you

Some of you may have known this in the years of knowing me, Some of you may have found this out on the news, but for the past Seven years my grandmother has been missing. She disappeared right before Christmas 2002. My family and I took this loss very hard and some family bonds have been especially strained because of that loss. We searched and searched but to no avail. My aunt even went as far as to go to most of the local news stations and ask them to help in the search. The television stations had promised her air time but the day before they were going to run the story all of the stations bumped the story. A pregnant woman by the name of Lacy Peterson had gone missing, ( this is in no way meant to disrespect to the Peterson family and friends). We found out that a missing young pregnant woman pulled in higher viewer ratings than a missing elderly black woman.

We continued to search and search still there were no leads. The open wounds and confusion did not ever go away but slowly we moved on and passed them.

Yesterday afternoon while I was spending time with my mother, sister, and nephew my aunt called us with the horrible news that she had found my grandmother's remains inside of the her house.

My grandmother was an extreme pack rat, she collected any and everything and for years we begged and pleaded with her to get rid of some of her things but she never did. She did not throw anything away and when she did it was a battle to get her to do so. Over the course of years after her disaperance my family took it upon themselves to don the task of cleaning out her house. When we first entered the house after her I was told that there were boxes and bags to the ceiling, and that was after boxes and bags were cleared away to even get in the door. This might have been why none of us or the police ever found her over the years.

My Grandmother was also a very handy, and self-reliant woman. She taught me ( my mother, aunts, uncles,) how to make many home made products( soap, lotion, shaving cream e.c.t.) like she did in her youth.

These past few days have been very trying and tough and I thank everyone whom has showed their concern. I also Thank KTVU news (channel 2) for doing a wonderful job in reporting the TRUE story of my grandmother and thank you Virgina Taylor for your kind words. I'm really ashamed of the story that KPIX news (channel 5) reported that made my grandmother out to be some blight upon the neighborhood and talking to that woman who wanted to keep identity secret, whom did not even know my grandmother and told all those horrible lies about her.

Again thank you to all of my friends that have shown concern. Thank you for your prayers and I ask you all to keep praying for me and my family.

thank you

Chris

The first thing that I will say is that this is an amazing book. This is well worth the trip down to the local bookstore; finding the Psychology section; searching through what is really "self-help" (late night crapola that has become popular) to find this gem. If you're like most people then you'll probably go to amazon or some other place so I will save you the trouble and post the link.

http://www.amazon.com/Portable-Jung-Viking-Library/dp/0140150706

Now to the book.

Edited by Joseph Campbell ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Campbell) and translated by R.F.C. Hull this collection of works (which I've found to be very extensive but by far just the tip of the proverbial iceberg) is humbly life changing.

It took me a bit longer to finish this book than what I thought mainly because I underestimated how much I would love this book. I underestimated how much that I would want to dissect and ponder line by line, page by page of the shear soundness of the logic, reason, and thought that this book revealed. Also, throwing it in the back pack and forgetting it; reading on lunch breaks, the Bart, bus, and before sleep and not being diligent for an hour a day like I normally am added a few weeks.
This tome opens with his "Stages of Life" which discusses the stages of psychological development (and problems there of) as a person ages. The child state or "the unbearable age" which is marked by birth and roughly through puberty where it is said that one said to be govern by "instinct" rather than conscience. The next state roughly is from puberty to mid life where he explains the the development of "self" and the desire for one to gain achievement, social standing, family, friends, religion. Then the last stage where he discuses logically and insightfully the latter part of life. He explains how and why some people become rigid, unwilling to embrace anything "new" and or "different" to the other extreme of rejecting the "old way" or "mid life crisis". The riding of what has worked in the past to embrace any idea that is new and different.

The next work is "The Structure of the Psyche". Here we are introduced to one of the most famous and ground breaking ideas in modern psychological thought "Collective Unconscious"

The collective unconscious so far as we can say anything about it at all appears to consist of mythological motifs or primordial images, for which reason the myths of all nations are its real exponents. In fact, the whole of mythology could be taken as a sort of projection of the collective unconscious.

C. G. Jung

This is the deal. No $@$% cussing for a @$%%$# week. This seems pretty harmless but, is it?

MaKay Hatch teenager from South Pasadena started this no cussing club The NCC (hmm I wonder if the FCC will give this kid a job in the future) in 2007 and it is fast becoming a Juggernaut. I can partially understand the allure of such and institution for the teenage mind. Not being “one of them” and being “one of us” is lets face it what most peoples teenage experience is all about. The need and desire to “fit in” is just as great a pull as the desire to “stick out” and rebel. In highschool (and in college) most had their cliques whether it be jocks, stoners, Goths (showing my age, they are called the “EMO” kids now) and yes even the loners.

Studies have been done that say the “highschool” structure as we know it in America does very little for actual education and more for social development. (honestly there were so many articles that I’m just going to post one of the googel search links http://www.google.com/search?num=100&hl=en&safe=off&rlz=1B2RNFA_enUS309US309&pwst=1&ei=9VysSejWK5KWsQOIj73RBA&sa=X&oi=spell&resnum=0&ct=result&cd=1&q=high+school+education+vs+social+development&spell=1)

Here we have a group that is priding itself on conformity, control of self and others rather than freedom of expression (that sound familiar) In the groups oath one of its lines states

“Clean language is the sign of intelligence and always demands respect.” (http://www.nocussing.com/aboutncc/thenocussingchallenge.html)

While this might have been true in some Victorian or Judeo Christian era how true is this today? Some of our “intellectuals” such as Mark Twain and Percy Bysshe Shelley professed their feeling of the so called foul sentiments (http://www.quotesdaddy.com/quote/1040204/mark-twain/under-certain-circumstances-profanity-provides-a-relief) now if we were to agree with this edict of the NCC logic tells us that this young man of 19 years now is wiser and more experienced and expert on the recognition of mental prowess then the two mention above. Having never met the young man I can not argue for nor against this but I would have to say it is highly unlikely. What goes deeper is that fact that a major “American” city has recognized these sentiments worthy for all of its citizens (at least for a week that is) and that is where I have a problem.

This is AMERICA not some socialist or communistic country where the tools of the populous control go as deeply as to try and (intentionally) control the thought of its citizens. The NCC recognizes as anyone that pops open a psychology book or magazine does that to some extent a person using words of their own free will can in a small way show a portion of their personality and even a smaller portion of their mind. Where as a psychologist will tell you that a persons words and speech only reflects their regional environment and choice of expression (not intelligence) (http://www.pbs.org/speak/) the NCC says

“Your words become your thoughts.
Your thoughts become your behavior.
Your behavior becomes your character.
Your character becomes your destiny.”

http://www.nocussing.com/aboutncc/thenocussingchallenge.html

It is very disheartening to think about institutionalized control that in my mind harkens back to the methods used to enslave the minds of slaves stating that the first thing to do is take away the slaves native language. When unable to communicate with his/her native people the slave has no choice but to listen to the slave owner. When this is established the slave will use the words that the slave owner tells him/her to use because he/she has no other words to use. When the control of language is established then the control of though follows because of the fact that now the slave has to think about what he/she says before he/she says it. If then you have control of thought you then gain control of behavior. If the slave has to think about what he/she is saying is or is not proper then he/she will have to think about if his/her behavior is proper and instead of seeking this chastisement from with-in self he/she seeks it from the slave owner there by effectively enslaving the mind

This is America. While I would not want anyone cursing and using foul language around my four year old nephew; the very FIRST amendment to this nation’s constitution gives me and everyone else that right and that choice (http://www.law.cornell.edu/constitution/constitution.billofrights.html). While Mr. Hatch and his NCC, FCC (this kid so has a job in the future) and others around this nation might have a problem with words like

Fuck

Shit

Damn

Ass

Or any others that are on a short list (http://www.lyricsbox.com/george-carlin-lyrics-the-seven-words-you-can-never-say-on-tv-268qwb7.html) we are given the right (first by god or gods, or the universe whatever you want to call it. I all it “inalienable” then recognized by man) to choose to say them or not. If this campaign continues its mission according to Mr. Hatch will be to take this world wide (http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gZMJ7UTfpn7aWJwv5leLqIt6oIFQD96LEN080) a lofty goal but who are we (America or any one individual for that matter) to tell anyone what they should and should not say? That is a mater so personal and so private to me (and apparently to the founding fathers of this nation) it is just like telling someone to whom they can and can not pray to and what they can or can not pray about or even if they are allowed to pray at all.

This is not a full blown outrage but this does raise a lot of concern for me. We in America like the saying

“out of the mouths of babe’s” and

“A child shall lead the way.” But where is this child leading us? The way that I see it this child is leading us astray from our core values as American citizens with the RIGHT to freely express HOWEVER we may feel at a given time under the guise of pseudo intellectualism and the promises of being apart of the “group” at the sacrifice personal rights and freedoms and even ourselves.

http://www.maniacworld.com/f-81.htm (content warning but very funny)

©Christopher F. Brown 2009

On January 16 the San Francisco Chronicle turned 144 years old. Today; only a month and a week later talks of selling or a possible shutting down of the institution have been made public.

(http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090225/bs_nm/us_hearst_sanfranciscochron)

I can not say that I was an avid reader of the Sf Chronicle but I am sad to see it disappear. In these uncertain and unforgiving times were long established traditions and institutions are looked upon for guidance; to see them tossed away or buckle under the weight of their own inflated importance (and in most cases arrogance) does cause one to question (if maybe only in the quiet and private recesses of the mind) the order of things which one has come to know.

With such one time or sometime contributors to The San Francisco Chronicle like Mark Twain and Bret Harte one would again reason that not seeing in on laying on a BART train seat or the man in front of K-mart soliciting you to purchase a year subscription is very unfathomable.

As a little boy growing up in Oakland. I would pass the Oakland tribune building and look upon the old style of the structure and its green pyramid top and take notice of how different it was from the rest of down town. When I was older and did decide to become a patron of the many printed words and letters I felt a true disdain for what I found to be a lax in the average Oaklander (or bay area for that matter) point of view. My mother and I would some time would play a game and see how many spelling and or editing errors we could find in a single article and by the year 2000 well lets just say that we both canceled or subscriptions. (Saying that I realize I open myself up to the fullest of scrutiny and the label of hypocrisy. I will answer that now by saying I am not "paid" to write any articles and everything I write is of my own free will and time. When one is "paid" to do a job the level of quality should match such.)

I then turned across the bay to the Chronicle. I did find that its views did (at one time but no longer) seem to echo mine. Also, reading it was not some laborious Sisyphean task that made me break out my grammar book to see if I or this nationally syndicated thing was wrong in its usage of the English language. That too did get put to rest when I purchased my first computer and then my first cell phone. There was no need to "buy" the news when it was readily available and more often than not up-to-date. It was (back then) the way of the future. You could get the latest, more accurate, and even differentiating views at the push of a button or click of a mouse. This I believe was one of the biggest steaks to be driven into the heart of all newspapers everywhere. Once back when "The Paper" was thee only source of local and international information people could not even think of a day when it would not be such. With the on set of the twentieth century The Chronicle had already survived and reported on major events such earthquakes, fires, stock market crashes and the changing from nineteenth to twentieth . Now, this time, almost ten short years after reporting (yet again) earthquakes, fires, stock market crashes, and the changing of twenty to twenty one the Chronicle might have to take its final bow.

"The way of the future" as the ancient saying goes. The average person probably does not even have the time to sit down and read a full an entire news paper anymore when they can read the two paragraph blurb while checking their e-mail. The classifieds are of little use when there is Craigslist, monster, hotjob, and e-bay (lest we forget amazon). The business section is said to be out of date the minuet it is printed just by the ever quicken nature of its name sake. Even the comic section does not print the classics of childhood nor the interesting quirks of today (we have you tube for that).

So farewell SF Chronicle you will be missed but nothing not even the mountains and the sea last forever. The things of old must make way for the things that are new so, "C'est la vie".

©Christopher F. Brown 2009

WOW what an episode. I know some will say that I have a bias in my rating of this episode but I give it five stars anyway.

Normally Television does not move me to write about it as I am doing right now but this was such and episode that the writers and the actors need some accolade (even if it is from little ole me lol). Tonight's episode of Law & Order SVU was entitled " Transitions";

http://www.nbc.com/Law_and_Order_Special_Victims_Unit/

the short of it: a prepubescent boy transitioning to a girl and his fathers attempt to stop it who is subsequently attacked outside a strip club.

I somewhat take a little bit of pride in being able to figure shows like "Law & Order", "Without a trace", and " Cold case" out rather quickly because lets face it if you apply logic to the fact that this is a story; a work of fiction from a team of writer then it apply a tad bit of psychology to the mix it all unfolds before your eyes the way you thought it might. I normally figure it out before when the episode is in its mid way point as well (which is when they try and do something to throw you off your original theory). Tonight's episode however was a shining example of writing and acting at its pinnacle. My original theory was that the boy (who was on her way to being a young woman) had something to do with the attack on her father because of obvious reasons. I though that she would not have attacked the father directly but maybe an over sensitive, over zelous boyfriend may have done the act in an attempt to prove his valor .

The episode unfolds and sure enough there was a love interest but it was very unrequited (and the only unrealistic part I would say). The young boy transitioning to a young woman heart lay with a bit older woman transitioning to a bit older man. Being a gay man myself and knowing a few people going threw (or have gone threw the process) this seems highly unlikely (however I have met a guy who is transitioning to a woman whom identifies himself as a lesbian. I KNOW but that's another topic.) Time is swiftly winding down and my original theory seems not to be panning out so I've become very intrigued to see whom the actual culprit is when the schools guidance counselor tips her hat (and in retrospect I do now believe that hindsight is always 20/2o). She in one of her sessions with the young girl said to her that her father was a low life for always being at strip clubs. This was a fact that ONLY the police and the father knew so bamb the killer. They posse up to confront the rampaging school worker and sure enough she readily hands over the bloody jacket(a key missing peice of evidence). This is when I turn my head and scratch it not because the facts did not add up but the "why" the "motive" did not make any sense.

As a school counselor realistically she would have had children coming to her that would have been experiencing wide range of things like, rape, gang violence, incest, drug addiction, why was this young boy entering womanhood so special (not mentally paying attention to the show the woman playing the D.A. was asking the same questions while the school counselor was on the witness stand). That is when the bomb (and how mad I was for not seeing how predictable it was) drops and the school counselor reveals tearfully that she had once been a man as well. During "her" time as a man a person had to spend at least 3 years as the opposite (inner) sex before a doctor would consider surgery and there were no pills to take only duct tape and padding. "She" then reviled that she was mutilated in a back alleyway there by revealing the true motive for her actions. Like I said WOW.

Every now and then they slip one in that goes above the normal writing bar and it throws me of leaving me astounded and when they throw in a message as well I become fully impressed; kudos. In hindsight I should have (and maybe my bias as a gay man and transgender friendly prevented me) seen that when the guidance counselor kept covering for the young woman after throwing books at teachers and many fights in school and NOT being expelled that something was up with her. This was an amazing episode and very well acted Kudos to the writers and actors of this episode; you got me.

©Christopher F. Brown 2009