TUNNEL LIGHTS

On January 16 the San Francisco Chronicle turned 144 years old. Today; only a month and a week later talks of selling or a possible shutting down of the institution have been made public.

(http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090225/bs_nm/us_hearst_sanfranciscochron)

I can not say that I was an avid reader of the Sf Chronicle but I am sad to see it disappear. In these uncertain and unforgiving times were long established traditions and institutions are looked upon for guidance; to see them tossed away or buckle under the weight of their own inflated importance (and in most cases arrogance) does cause one to question (if maybe only in the quiet and private recesses of the mind) the order of things which one has come to know.

With such one time or sometime contributors to The San Francisco Chronicle like Mark Twain and Bret Harte one would again reason that not seeing in on laying on a BART train seat or the man in front of K-mart soliciting you to purchase a year subscription is very unfathomable.

As a little boy growing up in Oakland. I would pass the Oakland tribune building and look upon the old style of the structure and its green pyramid top and take notice of how different it was from the rest of down town. When I was older and did decide to become a patron of the many printed words and letters I felt a true disdain for what I found to be a lax in the average Oaklander (or bay area for that matter) point of view. My mother and I would some time would play a game and see how many spelling and or editing errors we could find in a single article and by the year 2000 well lets just say that we both canceled or subscriptions. (Saying that I realize I open myself up to the fullest of scrutiny and the label of hypocrisy. I will answer that now by saying I am not "paid" to write any articles and everything I write is of my own free will and time. When one is "paid" to do a job the level of quality should match such.)

I then turned across the bay to the Chronicle. I did find that its views did (at one time but no longer) seem to echo mine. Also, reading it was not some laborious Sisyphean task that made me break out my grammar book to see if I or this nationally syndicated thing was wrong in its usage of the English language. That too did get put to rest when I purchased my first computer and then my first cell phone. There was no need to "buy" the news when it was readily available and more often than not up-to-date. It was (back then) the way of the future. You could get the latest, more accurate, and even differentiating views at the push of a button or click of a mouse. This I believe was one of the biggest steaks to be driven into the heart of all newspapers everywhere. Once back when "The Paper" was thee only source of local and international information people could not even think of a day when it would not be such. With the on set of the twentieth century The Chronicle had already survived and reported on major events such earthquakes, fires, stock market crashes and the changing from nineteenth to twentieth . Now, this time, almost ten short years after reporting (yet again) earthquakes, fires, stock market crashes, and the changing of twenty to twenty one the Chronicle might have to take its final bow.

"The way of the future" as the ancient saying goes. The average person probably does not even have the time to sit down and read a full an entire news paper anymore when they can read the two paragraph blurb while checking their e-mail. The classifieds are of little use when there is Craigslist, monster, hotjob, and e-bay (lest we forget amazon). The business section is said to be out of date the minuet it is printed just by the ever quicken nature of its name sake. Even the comic section does not print the classics of childhood nor the interesting quirks of today (we have you tube for that).

So farewell SF Chronicle you will be missed but nothing not even the mountains and the sea last forever. The things of old must make way for the things that are new so, "C'est la vie".

©Christopher F. Brown 2009

WOW what an episode. I know some will say that I have a bias in my rating of this episode but I give it five stars anyway.

Normally Television does not move me to write about it as I am doing right now but this was such and episode that the writers and the actors need some accolade (even if it is from little ole me lol). Tonight's episode of Law & Order SVU was entitled " Transitions";

http://www.nbc.com/Law_and_Order_Special_Victims_Unit/

the short of it: a prepubescent boy transitioning to a girl and his fathers attempt to stop it who is subsequently attacked outside a strip club.

I somewhat take a little bit of pride in being able to figure shows like "Law & Order", "Without a trace", and " Cold case" out rather quickly because lets face it if you apply logic to the fact that this is a story; a work of fiction from a team of writer then it apply a tad bit of psychology to the mix it all unfolds before your eyes the way you thought it might. I normally figure it out before when the episode is in its mid way point as well (which is when they try and do something to throw you off your original theory). Tonight's episode however was a shining example of writing and acting at its pinnacle. My original theory was that the boy (who was on her way to being a young woman) had something to do with the attack on her father because of obvious reasons. I though that she would not have attacked the father directly but maybe an over sensitive, over zelous boyfriend may have done the act in an attempt to prove his valor .

The episode unfolds and sure enough there was a love interest but it was very unrequited (and the only unrealistic part I would say). The young boy transitioning to a young woman heart lay with a bit older woman transitioning to a bit older man. Being a gay man myself and knowing a few people going threw (or have gone threw the process) this seems highly unlikely (however I have met a guy who is transitioning to a woman whom identifies himself as a lesbian. I KNOW but that's another topic.) Time is swiftly winding down and my original theory seems not to be panning out so I've become very intrigued to see whom the actual culprit is when the schools guidance counselor tips her hat (and in retrospect I do now believe that hindsight is always 20/2o). She in one of her sessions with the young girl said to her that her father was a low life for always being at strip clubs. This was a fact that ONLY the police and the father knew so bamb the killer. They posse up to confront the rampaging school worker and sure enough she readily hands over the bloody jacket(a key missing peice of evidence). This is when I turn my head and scratch it not because the facts did not add up but the "why" the "motive" did not make any sense.

As a school counselor realistically she would have had children coming to her that would have been experiencing wide range of things like, rape, gang violence, incest, drug addiction, why was this young boy entering womanhood so special (not mentally paying attention to the show the woman playing the D.A. was asking the same questions while the school counselor was on the witness stand). That is when the bomb (and how mad I was for not seeing how predictable it was) drops and the school counselor reveals tearfully that she had once been a man as well. During "her" time as a man a person had to spend at least 3 years as the opposite (inner) sex before a doctor would consider surgery and there were no pills to take only duct tape and padding. "She" then reviled that she was mutilated in a back alleyway there by revealing the true motive for her actions. Like I said WOW.

Every now and then they slip one in that goes above the normal writing bar and it throws me of leaving me astounded and when they throw in a message as well I become fully impressed; kudos. In hindsight I should have (and maybe my bias as a gay man and transgender friendly prevented me) seen that when the guidance counselor kept covering for the young woman after throwing books at teachers and many fights in school and NOT being expelled that something was up with her. This was an amazing episode and very well acted Kudos to the writers and actors of this episode; you got me.

©Christopher F. Brown 2009

This little event in history might seem inconsequential but it has shown me a pattern about AT&T and well I had to put it out there. It starts way back on January 28, 2009 my aunt (the nosy one whom I will now call inquisitive) was evicted from her home because her landlord (like so many other people around California and the nation) had the property foreclosed upon. At that point she had service with AT&T for about a week (the whole package deal: internet, cable, and all) On that day I stood there and watched her call AT&T and tell them to switch service to next door (my place) and here my friends is where the story begins.

My aunt was told by AT&T that someone would come out between 8-10 am on February (Friday) 13 and just switch the service over. The date came and at 9am a man was next door knocking at the door. The walls of this old house are not thin so I don't know how we heard the man knocking upstairs next door at my aunts old apartment; maybe I was already on the cusp of awakening. My aunt and I tell the man that he has the old address and that he is looking for here. The poor man looks at his paperwork and makes the mistake of telling my aunt that on his paper work it says that he is to install everything at her old address (poor guy). My aunt flips her lid and unleashes hell asking the man "what the hell was his problem?" and "can you idiots not get simple numbers right?” I had to come to the mans rescue; you could see in his shirking eyes (and stature) that he clearly had no idea what was going on. I told my aunt that it was not his fault that he is just an installer and only following orders to which he quickly nodded his head in agreement. I told the man to call his office and explain to them what was going on and we can go from there. This seemed to appease my aunt and gave the man back a few inches.

Ten minuets latter the man comes back with his supervisor on the phone and he explains to me (notice not to my aunt lol) that there had been some mix up. There had been an order to "install" service at her old address next door over again and there was no mention of setting up service at the new address. I tell the man to go and I would inform my aunt (It was safer that way). My aunt flipped her lid again but this time there was not poor installation man for her to spew her wrath upon. She calms down calls AT&T and sets up a new appointment for today. (Sadly) this is where things again plunge back into the netherworld of customer service.

Around 8:45 am this morning I hear my aunt opening the door (along with thunder sounding like it was renting the sky in two). The installation man was not here. 9:45 turns to 10 and the installation man is still not here. She calls AT&T and they assure her that someone is on their way. 10:45 comes around and she leaves me her phone telling me that she must wash a few cloths but the "people" should be here in a bit. 125pm comes around along with my aunt asking if the "people" came and in hesitated to inform her that they hadn’t. She quickly got on the phone to curse out any (and maybe everyone) that worked at AT&T.

The first person she got she told what happen and they did the whole thing and apologize and left her on hold for 20 minuets (which was the right amount of time that it took for her phone too lose the signal). The second person stayed a little longer but I think insulted her and told her that she would have to pay some sort of fee for "re-installation" to which she replied "I not paying a damn thing let me speak to your supervisor" I heard the woman say "you know what we are done here" and she hung up on my aunt. The third person she talked to was a man named mike. She went through the whole process again and this "Mike" was very informative. He told her that when she initially called to have her service switched the woman she talked to cancelled the service (at her old address next door) but never sent out a work order so the service was still active next door. Mike also told her that he has a record of her order for today and it is in the computer and someone should have come but for some reason no one ever did. By now my aunt has turned a deep burgundy color and is having a glass of wine. "Mike" tells her that he is going to try and figure out what is going on and he would give her a call back that way she would not have to stay on the phone (as of 4:33 "mike" has not called back)

At first glance this seems like a regular blip in customer service but this is not the first experience I've been privy to witness with AT&T. When my mother also inquired about their bundle service I went in the store with her. They gave her all the information and I told her not to sign anything and make it perfectly clear to the man that you just wanted information. To make this long story short the man told my mother the only way that he could tell her exactly how much everything would cost would to be to put all her information in the computer but he could easily delete it out. (It would not be a legal and binding contract because A: she paid no money, B: she signed nothing anywhere.) The following week a woman calls my mother to confirm her installation date. My mother told me that she told the woman that she did not sign up she was only getting information and that she did not want the service. My mother said that the woman told her that the contract was in the computer and that there was a note that said she was going to sign the contract upon installation. Unlike my aunt my mother did not blow up she just calmly told the woman that she did not want them to come out and would not sign anything. On that Saturday I happen to be there and an AT&T installation man knocked at her door with a contract in hand saying that he was here to setup service. My mom told him to leave her property (in a nice way mind you) and promptly spent the next hour on the phone with AT&T telling them to "Cancel" her non-existent service.

The moral of this story. I haven’t had problems with them personally (mainly because I can’t afford them) but if the day ever does come when I can I do not think I will seek the services of AT&T. If by chance this kills a future sponsor so be it. In these times when people are not willing to part with their hard earn money for shoddy products/services offering horrible customer service to them is akin (in my eyes) to say I don’t know a company asking for billions and billions of dollars from the government (tax payers i.e. ME) because they are on the verge of going under and taking the economy with it; only to turn around and throw parties costing hundreds of thousands of dollars, hand out million dollar bonus to the very executives that ran the company to the tipping point. Oh and don’t forget taking personal jets to Washington to ask for the money they supposedly don’t have.

©Christopher F. Brown 2009

Ok everyone slit your wrists now (whats even more scary is the fact that I know some people out there are jumping for joy) I just herd about this and I though it was just some bad joke or even a lie but a few google searches later and I find that it is true. I now have to check and see that I am not in someone's horrible twilight zone coma and they have just awaken almost 20 years later to have this as the first thing they see.

Mc Hammer and Vanilla Ice will be sharing a stage Friday, February 27, 2009, at 8:00 p.m. at the McKay Events Center in Orem, Utah. I know this still sounds weird and strange (even a tad bit apocalyptic) to me. I was around when these two where in their hay-day. I remember when Hammer challenged Michale Jackson to a dance off and in turn Mr. Ice challenged Mr. Hammer to the same. Being the proud Oaklander that I am; I witnessed first hand when things got started and when The Mc requested for Pumps and a Bump and to his dismay got his video banned on MTV and the only place you could really see it in its full (frontal) and unedited form was to order on the Box (now I am ageing myself). I dare not forget the " 2 legit 2 quit" hand motions that everybody 30 and up still remembers how to do but wont ever do nor admit to knowing in public

What was more fun was being an eleven year old boy and witnessing the birth (on the large movie screen) of ninja rap



I know people say that sarcasm does not always translate (much like Mr. Ice's acting skills in Cool as ice) when written but WOW; I mean really WOW. If I were a rich man (and not under pressure, I know that was cheesy)I would go to this event just to see if somewhere (maybe playing the drums) a woman named Babylon riding on a multi headed dragon was there as well. Then again as amazed as I am by the "WTF" value of it all I would go (not for longer than 10 or 15 minuets) but I would go. This is one of those rare things in "WTF" history that you really have to be there just to see and be witness to just so you know that in fact it was real and it did happen. I mean its in the same category as when Pattie la bell sung with Cindy lauper and they both hit the same note. Or when some girl threw their bra onstage to one of the Jonas brothers and when he realized what it was acted as if it was something infected with disease and covered in slime and would not even touch it (im side tracking here).

I wonder if they will both bust out the typewriter at the same time? Now that would be worth the $30 alone.

Long ago I posted something about my nosy aunt that lived next door. Well she now lives inside of my house thanks to her landlord suffering (like so other many millions of people) from foreclosure. Things have not been that bad but it is very crowded. The hardest part was convincing her to throw most of her things away. I forgot to mention that in addition to being nosy she is a humongous pack-rat. Yes, yes if anyone of you have a person like that in your family imagine them right up under you nose at all times, fun huh.

Like I said its not that bad though and she is family and I love her so "whadda ya gonna do" right? right.

thanks for reading my blog

I will let you read this and then I will post my response. PLEASE COMMENT ON THIS


""""Earlier in the day, Masters feared the saggy pants law was going down in defeat based upon an informal exit poll. But that changed as more voters went to the polls, he said.

Masters believes Riviera Beach is the first large city to pass a saggy pants law through an election. Others have been approved by ordinance through a board vote.

Riviera Beach joins the city of Opa-Locka, the Atlanta school district and several small southern towns with "pull up your pants" laws.

Under the new law, anyone with droopy pants that show skin or underwear faces legal action. The first offense carries a $150 fine or community service. A second infraction carries a $300 fine or more community service.

Habitual violators could face up to 60 days in jail. The jail provision produced a last-minute backlash to the ordinance. But the law was popular among elderly voters who apparently turned out at the polls.

"It's not our intent to get rich off of fines or lock people up in jail," said an elated Masters. "It's about a simple message: pull up your pants."

Masters was also successful in campaigning against three of the 20 city charter amendments promoted by the city council. Voters said no to extending the mayor and city council terms from two to three years. They also rejected stripping the mayor of his power to suspend employees, a measure that Masters vigorously campaigned against.

Voters also choose to allow the leasing of the municipal marina, which is critical to the city's redevelopment plan. The vote paves the way for the community redevelopment agency to negotiate with master developer Viking Inlet Harbor Properties.

Viking's plan hinges on leasing the marina and upgrading the neighboring Bicentennial Park. The developer's goal is to turn the 13th Street corridor into an international destination for tourists and locals."""""

WAIT THE @!@#$!@# A MINUET HERE! So you mean to tell me that its LEGAL in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA to "DICTATE" what is proper attire and what is not? Yes I do know where "saggin" comes from and yes I do know the whole deal about it being spelled backwards "niggas" yet this is still AMERICA and last I checked the 1st amendment gave us all the right to the freedom of speech and expression of said speech so how did this pass? If this is the way that is the way who every chooses to express themselves and it

A: does no harm intentionally or unintentionally to themselves or others

B: Is not indecent (meaning that private parts are not naked and out for display)

Then how the hell did they do this?

I truly believe that this is just another way to harass the youth or whom ever who might not know that they can not do this to them and also a way to cash in on some money and line someone’s (say an idiotic mayor looking for re-election) pockets.

If they put on the ballots

"anyone wearing big black sunglasses from the 80's that covered your entire head or helmet hair cuts also from the 80's will be subject to a $150 fine or the first offense, a $300 dollar fine for the second offense, and 60 day in jail for continuous action"

People would see how ridiculous this is. What’s next? If you have a Mohawk that's $200 bucks, if you hair is blue or purple that's $450. Dressing in all black that’s $300, White after Labor Day $350. If your a male and your hair is longer than your shoulders $500

I mean come on people this is outrageous. The people I want in jail and off the streets are the people whom would harm me, kill me, rob me, or do some other crazy thing that might affect me and my family in a negative way. Sense they are using my tax dollars to kept them fed and housed I don’t want some 14 year old kid who is trying to be cute or imitate something he saw on TV in jail and doing community service when he should be in school learning something that will keep him out of the system that this type of idiotic law puts him in. I see it now

“What are you in here for? Saggin”

how stupid and waste of time and tax payers dollars. I’m sure that there must be SOMETHING more important to the Florida police departments than patrolling for pants being too low. How are they going to determine this as well? Will they pounce out of the squad cars with rulers and say “your pants are an inch too low we’re taking you in” We have made it ILLEGAL for someone to express themselves, we’ve made it ILLEGAL for someone to BE themselves. We are even more down the road of 1984 here.

All hail the introduction of the fashion police

About three months ago I was having some trouble with my Norton anti-virus program. It was seriously down and out of commission for about two days. The problem seems to have reset its self and it is working fine now. In the following few days however, I contacted various Norton people, left e-mails, and even posted on their Tech support page. As I said before the problem seems to have reset its self, no one ever responded to any e-mails or any messages that I sent or the tech support page. Today however I get this

“If this issue is not resolved to your satisfaction, you may reopen it
within the next 21 days.

Subject
---------------------------------------------------------------
Technical Support


Discussion Thread
---------------------------------------------------------------
Response (Gokul.Srinivasan) - 02/03/2008 06:02 AM
Greetings Chris,

Thank you for contacting Symantec Technical Support.

We notice that you had posted us an email about an issue with your Norton product. We had responded to it with the appropriate troubleshooting steps. After observing that you have not responded to us about the status of the issue, we would like to know whether the issue has been resolved or if we could be of further assistance.

We will be more than happy to help you resolve the issue, if it still persists.

At Symantec, we strive to build enduring relationships with our customers by anticipating their needs and consistently exceeding their expectations. We value the opportunity to serve your needs.

If you would like one of our senior experts from technical support to help you resolve this issue please reply to this email. While replying to this mail, please do not change the subject line.

Thank you for your patronage and we look forward to a continued association with you.

Regards,

Gokul
Team Supervisor
Symantec Technical Support”

I was reading something a friend of mine had written about Science and Scientists. I did not post this to his comments because

A: I don’t want to be his contrarian which I have been feeling like as of late and

B: this is way too long

It really made me think and remember things from long ago. I had a friend whom was a devout atheist and held that science was the only answer to any question that man could ever ask of the universe. At that time in my life I had just been “born again” so I was more religious than spiritual but, I still hold fast to what I eventually said to him then which I think led him into Buddhism but that is another topic. I said to him

“Science IS one of the greatest things that man has ever come up with but it only explains HOW, and leaves out WHY. You could go out into a forest and study every rock, tree, bug, animal and so on and be able to explain every aspect of HOW every thing in that forest works but, science will never be able to tell you WHY the tree is a tree and not a rock, the bird is not a lion, why the ant is not a worm or even why the forest is not an ocean. Science is only HALF the answer. He asked me did I know then why a tree was a tree, an ant an ant, and so on. I told him no of course not nobody does. He said then whats is my point. I said to him that’s just it. Some things I don’t want to know or even need to know. What good does it serve me to know why a tree is a tree and not a rock also, if I did know that answer then would I not be responsible for that knowledge?”

We could have went on for hours but this was in the middle of chemistry class and the teacher stopped us because nobody was paying any attention to her. Now that I’m (a little) older and not as devout in religion but more into the growth of the sprit I learned long ago that you can not change people but they change themselves and your purpose is only to share the knowledge that you have with them. The rest is up to them and what every they do or do not believe in. Again don’t get me wrong I BELIEVE in science but even science disproves its own self and contradicts its self all the time.

The photon camera experiment

If you shone a light down an enclosed tunnel with a camera at the one end and a slide in the middle that had slits so small the light could only pass through the slits ONE photon at a time. The Theory is that sense light, and sound travel in waves when the light hits the other end the same pattern should repeat if you were to pull the slide out and put it back. Not only does this not happen but when tested scientist have found that photons were not following wave theory and creating an interference wave pattern. It was as if the same photon was traveling through two different slits at the same time. Science proved something that was scientifically impossible

Black Holes

Basically all physics, all math do not apply to a black hole. Scientist said it was impossible for anything to have gravity = to ∞ yet, a black hole does. Which meant that its gravitational pull was > than the speed of light. Yet again something that was thought to be impossible. We all know from various science classes that if you could travel to a black hole you would get sucked in and as you approached the pulsar you would be stretched out basically over the span of billions of miles till you reached a point of nothingness were there is no gravity, no time, no light, nothing. So too does this happen to the light and all matter that a black hole sucks in. A state were waves are stretched into a line. Which implies that in geometric terms point “A” and point “B” while on the same line are different they are also the same. Time, sound, light all travel in waves so if waves are stretched flat in a black whole does time, and light go on forever in a black whole or do they just stop?? Hence, all mathematics that you learn in high school, and even in some colleges don’t make sense and are not used to “mathematically” explain Black holes.

AND THEN THERE’S MAUDE.

Life is for the living. Ask your questions and receive your answers I believe in science but remember there ARE things that science can not answer and when science tries to do so they only end up with more questions and still no answer to the original question.

There is an old Chinese tale about the Immortal Monkey King whom hatched from a rock. After pissing everybody off on earth the Jade Emperor let him into heaven to appease the human race. It was not long till he pissed off everyone in heaven. The Jade Emperor not knowing what to do, had the Buddha talk with monkey. Buddha made a bet with the monkey.

“If you are as powerful as you say you are then jump from one end of my hand to the other.”

Monkey laughed at The Buddha and jumped with all his might. He looked down as he jumped and saw mountains the earth and the heavens. When he landed he looked around for The Buddha to make fun of him and mock him but he did not see him so he basically “TAGGED” a pillar which he thought to be the end of heaven. He then jumped back to the Buddha and the Buddha was laughing at him. He was pissed and asked him why he was laughing and the Buddha showed him that not only had he not jumped out of his hand but had tagged his index finger which he had thought was a pillar at the end of heaven. The Buddha then placed him under a mountain guarded by a special sutra (and some type of monster I forget but this is all paraphrased anyway ) for 500 years till he “calmed down” and was ready for enlightenment

What’s my point. In the end compared to it all were nothing more than smart little monkeys whom if were not careful could be pissing off the wrong one.

©Christopher F. Brown 2007

http://www.aaronshep.com/stories/036.html

http://www.abc.net.au/science/slab/blackholes/story.htm

http://www.physics.brown.edu/physics/demopages/Demo/modern/demo/7a5520.htm

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn2650-black-hole-theory-suggests-light-is-slowing.html

http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn6151

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:What Makes 100percent? What does it mean to give MORE than 100percent? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100percent? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100percent. How about achieving 103 percent? What makes up 100percent in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions

:If:A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented
as:1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:H A R D W O R K8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98percent

K N O W L-E D G E11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96percnet

ButA T T I-T U D E1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100percent

AndB-U-L-L-$-H-I-T2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103percent

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.A-S$-$-K-I-S-S-I-N-G1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118percent

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bull***** and Ass kissing that will put you over the top

I need you. You don’t have to say anything. Just sit next to me while my mind retreats into itself. You don’t have to do much. As I talk and talk and talk the fact that you are there (even if you may not be listening) is enough to comfort. I don’t need flowers, or candy, or any of the things that young lovers desire. The little things mean more to me. A person can only live life one second at a time. You being you is enough for me.

I need you. As I contemplate Matthew 15:18 raise my hand and decide never to swear again. When I fucking stumble you don't shake a finger, or chastise, or even make known my folly.

I need you. When I meditate on the Chandogya Upanishad book 6 verse 3,2 and I decide to paint my fingernails all different colors and die my hair to match. (Even if you laugh) you let me be me.

You provide input to my examination on Ananse. Should he have been given the Sky god's stories or his wife? She was the one who told him how to trap the leopard, the hornets, the python, and the bush spirit.

I need you to be you, just you and nothing but you. I need you not because I want you. I need you not just for my own selfish mental or sexual needs.

I need you because we are like a saxophone and its player. A songstress and her voice; a painter and his brush.

I need you because together we are a work of art.
©Christopher f. Brown 2007

Let us all take a moment and say farewell to the Halloween party on Castro. I remember the first time I attended I had just come out and I " was looking for some hot stuff baby that evening." I had friends form as far south as Morgan hill and San Jose to as far North as Mt Shasta and some other place that i don't remember (well i don't remember alot about that night but that's not the point).

The point is that what few traditions that young gay and questioning youth have left in this world if swiftly fading away. I was told that not only was the Halloween party the start of the party season it was also in many ways a right of passage. Young and old gather for the first night of fun in otherwise sheltered and closed off society.

Yes there is pride and yes there are other events (the block party) but there was nothing (and probably will be nothing) quite like the Halloween party. A modern masquerade where inhibitions were checked at the muni stations and self discovery awaited.

Then there is the question of who? Whom was that had the power to stop a time honored tradition that had seen over thirty years of life? That answer. That answer is as ironic as the party its self. The very people whom thirty or so years ago came to the Castro seeking self-discovery, seeking a place to carve out a life that they could lead and not be shamed or made to feel as if they had to hide themselves from the world because of who they really are. The very people who live on the Castro. The elders, many of whom have stories of studio 54 and club (whatever) the people who were young enough and had the balls enough to live their life out loud and proud are now closing the door for the next generation. I do say shame. Shame on you for now because for what every reason not giving your children (yes your LGBT children) the chance to be able to say

" I remember back in 07 at the Halloween party; oh let me tell you"

How many cherished memories of your younger days would you dare not give up now in your elder years.

Alas the door is now closed and era has passed. Everyone pray, pray that pride is not next, pray that the cafe is not next, pray that the Castro itself in the the end of the list and we see before it is all to late. Let us, all of us remember when we turn old and grey and are ready to yell out at the top of old tired lungs

"those god$@#$ kids!!!!!"

remember you were one of them.

Happy Halloween.
©Christopher f. Brown 2007

thank you for reading my blog

I feel like an old man saying it yet it does need to be said. When I was younger growing up in North Oakland there were things after school for a child of 8-16 years of age to do without causing chaos and destruction.

The very first thing that I spent many of day (and dollar) at was the arcade. There was one in the public market shopping center ( laughs). There was also a smaller and lesser quality one across the street from Safeway in rockrige. I also recall that what (and yes I am telling my age) was called the underground. It was an arcade that was open to the public. It was on the Cal Berkeley campus. If you by chance happen to get alot of money from "moms" that day you could go and enjoy paying on the pool tables or bowling a few on the lanes. One by one these faded away as mall owners and government officials decided that the pre-teen to teen population was too much hassle to be worth while.

If you were more on the sporty side there was a Laser tag place right next to a batting cage that was conveniently around the corner from the video arcades. These faded away as well yet not with out a fight. These too being "quality activities" for children but again gave way for "progress".

The final bastion that I thought would never fade was the Boys & Girls club of North Oakland on 48th and shattick. This was not where alot of older kids went but, children too young to be at home yet also to young to roam the streets by themselves. They would rage as young as five to as old as twelve. My cousin worked a few summers there and properly put a few of the bolder children with smarter mouths in garbage cans. It was all in good fun alas the Boys & Girls club of North Oakland on 48th and shattick bowed down to the pressure of the every grown appeal of renovating old spaces to lofts.

What now?

Today we have Bay Street. Bay street is just a little slice (or is trying to be) of down town San Francisco (mainly market street) closer to home. If you have the money you have it all. They even have a bran spanking new movie theater, and a bookstore, the works. It almost makes you forget that there has been a movie theater in area for over twenty years and a bookstore for at least twelve. The children with nothing to do and nowhere to go just hang. They congregate in groups up to ten or more. I remember being in a group of three or more was sure to have the local PD circle you a time or two (not that im against police that do actually protect and serve).

These children left up to their own devises just roam. They haunt the streets somewhat aimlessly searching for anything to quench the thirst that a teen has for adventure and excitement. Its sad really. I don't have any answers and I truly wish that i did. On the one hand i don't want them not to be left out in the cold and harsh reality of the worldly truth "no fun with out finance" Then also what is to be done? I fear the all to easy answer that was a trend in my youth

"build more jails"

It reminds me of the stories my mother and older uncles told me about seventh street before the post office came but that is another story.
©Christopher f. Brown 2007

She stopped in-front of my face and said

"Come on… I wanna show you something."

I hoped on her back and she flew me close but not too close to the sun. We danced a dance on the shores of Lacus Somniorum and made love at the top of Maxwell Montes. I told her to take a left at Atlantis and we should have ended up on the shores of Avalon. Instead we landed at mermaid lagoon. She was jealous.

Time passed in the wind. I awoke and she was gone.

I remember the time I rode on the wings of a dragonfly
©Christopher f. Brown 2007

I'm watching the news and Bush has graced So Cal with his presence (what a surprise he would visit one of the biggest republican hot spots in California. forgive the pun) and he had this to say

"Today life might seem dismal but, tomorrow it gets better"

Ok. I get what hes trying to say but no. It will not be better tomorrow. These people have lost EVERYTHING that it has taken a life time to establish. It might get better one day but not tomorrow. I understand the use of similes and metaphors but does he? Its has been almost three or so years and things have not gotten better for Katrina victims, for the most part it has continuously and progressively gotten worse. Things such as the fema trailer making people sick ( http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/05/16/cbsnews_investigates/main2819179.shtml ) to the crime rate being 30% higher there than any other city in America. To give an example if one person was shot everyday in every city in America then in New Orleans it would be three a day. ( http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16490563/ )

Mr Bush, one day yes, tomorrow no.

Riddle me this everyone.

I arrive at my door step today at around 11:35pm to discover that I do not have my house keys. I frantically look through my back-pack, turn my pockets inside out and I still find no keys. This leaves me in a bit of a dilemma. I've only given out a few sets of keys to certain people my mother(of course), my sister, my cousin(whom is the son of the nosy aunt), and a friend of mine who now lives in LA.

My mother and sister are on a plane to LA right now. My phone is off so can't call my cousin nor my landlord. My aunt (the nosy one) lives next door to me so i suck it up and decide to spend the night there. I walk in and tell her what happen. Low and behold she hands me a key to my house (which I NEVER gave to her). I politely thanked her, found my keys on the coffee table, and gave HER key back.

I am grateful that she had a key otherwise i would not be typing this right now. The question is how did she get the key? I NEVER gave her a key because she is just that NOSY! Don't get my wrong I love her with all my heart but case in point when my cousin moved in with her for a while i caught her going through his stuff. Not only did she see nothing wrong with this behavior but she invited me to join in on the nosy fun.

My theories to how she came to posses a key are.

A: my mother gave her a key in order to promote family unity i guess.

B: my cousin(her son) gave her his key or left it at her house.

C: she somehow got his key without him knowing.

the main question now is what to do now?

Do I change the locks to my house to secure the sovereignty of my privacy? or do nothing and risk having the thought that at any given time she could be snooping?

On to the other subject. I was talking to a co-worker of mine about sexuality and they said something that just took me back about ten years.

" Yeah I'm in a relationship with a female bodied person now..."

It made me laugh and reminisce to when I first came out. Like most i guess the term would be "straight acting" ,"trade" or "butch" males that I've encountered I did not say that i was "GAY" but bi-sexual when i first came out. I would go on and on about how

"love is not limited to a physical form so we as evolved human beings should not limit ourselves to gender".

I would rant about how

"a man can love his father, his brother, his friend, and son and all of these types of love are acceptable in our society. At the same time if a man was to take another man as his lover then some how that is wrong. If you had the same love for a woman and then labeled her with the suffix "er" then that was acceptable. Moreover why even have labels at all. If it is true love then if it is a man or woman then the love will be the same. Love comes from the soul..... blah blah blah"

FOR ME it all boiled down to that fact that some how i felt that admitting my homosexuality was only ok if i also showed that i was still a "man" and still had an attraction to and for women. In reality it was what i call "creeping out of the closet" saying that women were still acceptable also made me acceptable. Acceptable to everyone but myself. Needless to say I am now a full fledged homosexual. The amount of girlfriends that showed me breasts and how it did nothing for me coupled with the fact that sexual intercourse was only achievable when thoughts of extremely sexy men with large asses danced in my head cemented in my soul that i was gay, not bi.

Now don't get me wrong i do believe that their are truly bi-sexual people out there ( the ones I've met 98% have been women). If you are what you are then say it proudly. I just have a problem when people lie to themselves and you know it and they even know it but to reference another conversation that i had with another co-worker today, people have to want to and be willing to make changes in themselves for themselves until then you live with the lie
©Christopher f. Brown 2007

thank you for reading my blog

In America when you hear the word "capitalism" the next words, ideas that usually follow are "democracy, freedom" . With this said and the American dollar dropping in value as I type how do we explain the capitalist Chinese economy?

We all (whom have taken a history class) remember how the Chinese government dealt with its peoples when they last took up arms and demanded more rights from their government. There is the lasting image of "Tank Man" on t-shirts, journals, and other novelty items here in America. If you travel off to the land of the east you wont (and dare not) find any mention of such a thing. In this land of the far east there have been reports of everything from people being arrested for spitting on the ground, taken to jail, executed, only to have their organs harvested and sold on the black market(http://en.epochtimes.com/news/7-10-23/61103.html).

How then with a Government that makes no qualms about its open and direct policy of supremacy to it people balance the every power shifting money grab that is capitalism. Capitalism by its definition implies that the "individual" can prosper. It implies that "privately own" corporations meet the demands and needs of the people; for a price.

With the Chinese government i believe that things have worked out so far because there was always big bad America to keep everyone in check. Now with America weakening economically like any other entrepreneur China see its doorway for growth and expansion. Deals with others for more profit. Cutting corners to bring in more and more money. Yet now with the Chinese people use to a certain level of economic freedom HISTORY has always proven that they again will want an equal level of social and civil freedoms as well. Who then steps in? Will China follow down the well worn path bloody that America once did in its revolutionary hay day? Will the will of the people once again be suppressed?

I truly don't know but, I will say in the next 20-30 years expect a lot to come from China. China boasting over 1.3 BILLION people (earths population 6.6 BILLION) means that 20% of the people on earth ( 1 OUT OF 5) live in china(http://geography.about.com/od/populationgeography/a/chinapopulation.htm), are Chinese, speak either Mandarin or Cantonese. China being the third largest country in the world(http://www.chinatoday.com/) the old saying about it being "the sleeping dragon" should be updated to "the sleeping dragon with ALOT of pissed off children.
©Christopher f. Brown 2007

thank you for reading my blog

I was all ready to go on a rampage about what happen to me at work today. I then realized that it might not be such a good idea to post that seeing as how i still work there. If by chance (which is always the most likely possibility with me) certain people were to see this blasted out, i could be kicked out.

What i will say(I hope that I can say this on here) today is that the plural form of "PENIS" is either "PENISES" OR "PENES". It seemed very strange "PENISES" just does not even sound grammatically correct and "PENES" just sound like a mispronunciation of "PENNIES"

To switch to something completely inappropriate. My mother and sister (whom share the same birthday) are going to Las Vegas for their birthdays. We have some cousins who moved there a year or so ago. I'm happy for them but at the same time they did not even ask me if I wanted to go. It does not matter however because one i could not afford it and two i would not be able to get time off

well that's whats on my mind right now I'll probably write more tonight

thank you for reading my blog
©Christopher f. Brown 2007

Forward or back? they are the same.

"Come forth I beseech thee. Dare not look back! Least you suffer consequences of thine own circumstances."

Forward or back? they are the same

You go forward.

In between the dark there is...
©Christopher f. Brown 2007

So I've started a blog. Yes I know that I'm late and everyone has a blog but what the hell; i didn't have one.

first off I'm Chris brown (not the singer. I practically ten years his senior) if your reading this then you probably know who I am. (hello)

as of 10/2007 I started learning Yoruba. It is an African language from Nigeria. I figured most of the people in America can trace their ancestry back to a country of origin simply by the tongue that their grandparents spoke. African Americans on the other hand; we can also trace our root back to Africa (for 300 dollars which i don't have you can do blood work and they now can tell you the precise tribe that your DNA is related to or closely matches).

I figured since Nigeria was one of the largest slave trade areas of the times and the Yoruba people always having been on of the largest tribes of the area i would be safe in saying that it could have been my "mother tongue" in a lot of ways it is a lot easier than English but also it is a tonal language. The word "oko" said incorrectly could mean "husband, farm, projectile, or even penis".

Just when i did not think the news had anything to tell anymore i realized that someone i know could very well be in the fire going on down in LA. I will say a prayer for him before i go to sleep tonight(morning) and I'll call him tomorrow.

Its late and that was on my mind. Thank you for reading my blog