TUNNEL LIGHTS

My thoughts on Civil Disobedience by Henry David Thoreau

2012-01-09T12:41:00.001-08:00

I just finished reading this wonderful work of American political though and history. Like all these old works that helped shape this country and laid the foundation of what it should be, these few pages are far beyond epic. He makes his contempt for the clearly hypocritical institutions of slavery, the Mexican American war and the eventual annexing of Texas, political corruption, taxation, revolution, as well as some political ideology that was and still is staining the fabric American society and culture well known.

“But , to speak practically and as a citizen, unlike those who call themselves non-government men, I ask for not at once no government but at once a better government. Let every man make known what kind of government would command his respect, and that will be one step towards obtaining it.”

This speaks far beyond going out and voting, but actually getting involved in the system that says that it holds your best interests at its core and holding that system accountable to this statute. Letting officials know that the state and government is in place to work for the citizen not the citizen is in place to support the state. This was something that Thoreau foresaw and I believe as we are now, in one of the times in history where the common American thought as well as the common American politician believes their work is far beyond the capacity of the average citizen to understand, and would never acknowledge that the common American citizen is their work.

Early on he recognized and pointed out the corruption that was, and still, in the hearts of some elected officials, and the morality of and in revolution which this country was founded on,

“All men recognize the right of revolution; that is, the right to refuse allegiance to, and to resist, the government when its tyranny or its inefficiency are great and unendurable.”

If you’re looking for a book that was foundational in its day and still as revolutionary a hundred and seventy something years later, pick this up and give it a read. If you are a Thoreau reader this is somewhat a divergence away from the birds and the trees but wonderful nonetheless.

Technorati Tags: Thoreau,Civil Disobedience

Public Schools and Charter Schools

2011-12-13T15:13:00.001-08:00

I Was watching Tavis Smiley speak with Michelle Rhee and it lead me to thinking about Charter Schools. the hyperlink for charter schools is very general and varies state by state. If you are from California, the bay area specifically, then you yourself or someone you know went to a charter school. You very well could have had an aunt or uncle that went to a charter school that was ran by the panthers back in the day.

I’m somewhat split on the idea. The public school system, especially in California, is in drastic need of overhaul. You can spend the twelve or so years in Oakland, San Francisco, or Hayward public school system and get all A’s from K-12 and still NEVER meet the qualifications to get into SF state or U, Cal Berkeley or Hayward (now called Cal east bay) and don’t even think about Stanford located in Palo Alto California. I would love to see the numbers on how many locals are admitted each year. To me that is a shame. It is one of the best schools in the nation and the world, people from all across the globe send their children to Stanford yet the kid that was born and raised in Palo Alto and was educated in the Palo Alto school district would not and does not consider Stanford and a viable option for higher education, even if they were able to afford it they know they would automatically have to spend 2-3 years in a Junior College then maybe another 2-3 in state and then cross their fingers and pray. We also know that UC’s not only are more expensive than they have ever been but actively recruit from outside the state so they can charge those students more on admissions and other fees. That is another issue that I wont get into here.

On the one hand a students surrounded by like minded and other similarly talented students tend to do better in that area. (I.e. art, dance, music, ect) but then it does rob the public school of the natural talents and experience that those students bring. If all your students that live in that area that are talented or have an interest in art all go to the art charter school then why offer art in the regular school. This is what happens and in part, by not creating a need or interest in those area (art, dance, music ect) public school boards see no need to fund, (if there were funds, again another issue), music, art, dance, ect programs. I remember in 6th grade we had one music class (for one day) with instruments, and you could only take choir. Yes until 7th grade I was in school choir and it was nothing Like glee. My high school did not even have a choir or glee club and the kids that were in band in high school had to bring their own instruments. I thought that was bad, but recently my little cousin told me that school does not even have: art, music, or dance in her school. She has a guy come in once a month or so and they do a group project with her grade level (she is in high school and is showing a natural talent for photography)

So yeah talent specific charter schools seem great for the student that expresses a talent from an early age. I would love to see my little cousin shuttled off to some charter school that focused on and helped her build and develop her talent as a photographer. On the opposite coin, If my cousin has this proclivity then im sure there are others that if they were able to take photography (or even art) as an elective, might spark a fire in them. They may not be able to draw in or sing in 5th grade but after their voice changes we could have missed out on the next great tenor because they never had the opportunity to explore and try. Isn't that what are schools supposed to be, places of learning, exploration of self, and education? To prepare them for college and life not babysitters for 5-18 year olds.

Technorati Tags: charter schools,schools,arts programs

YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS!!!. THIS IS NOT A JOKE AND IT IS NOT OR WILL IT BE ON THE NEWS

2011-12-05T18:25:00.001-08:00

“This bill, passed late last night in a 93-7 vote, declares the entire USA to be a “battleground” upon which U.S. military forces can operate with impunity, overriding Posse Comitatus and granting the military the unchecked power to arrest, detain, interrogate and even assassinate U.S. citizens with impunity.
It’s being called the most traitorous act ever witnessed in the Senate, and the language of the bill is cleverly designed to make you think it doesn’t apply to Americans, but toward the end of the bill it essentially says it can apply to Americans “if we want it to.”
The passage of this law is nothing less than an outright declaration of WAR against the American People by the military-connected power elite. If this is signed into law, it will shred the remaining tenants of the Bill of Rights and unleash upon America a total military dictatorship, complete with secret arrests, secret prisons, unlawful interrogations, indefinite detainment without ever being charged with a crime, the torture of Americans and even the “legitimate assassination” of U.S. citizens on right here on American soil!
If you have not yet woken up to the reality of the police state we’ve been warning you about, I hope you realize we are fast running out of time. Once this becomes law, you have no rights whatsoever in America — no due process, no First Amendment speech rights, no right to remain silent, nothing.”
http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/query/z?c112%3AS.1867:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Defense_Authorization_Act

Technorati Tags: bill of rights,National Defense Authorization Act,Media black out

Chapter one is up, only on cfbrown.com

2011-11-13T20:09:00.001-08:00

So its done, Chapter one is up on the web if you want to take a read. Let me know what you think, all feedback is welcome: like, hate, tell me why and what could I do to improve. Aslo check out the new vids, poems, and photos.

http://cfbrown.com/index_files/Page35076.htm

Technorati Tags: cfbrown.com,chapter one,story

How to indent the first line of paragraph "tab" in documents to go for blackberry

2011-11-08T14:36:00.001-08:00

For Blackberry/Document to go users

Ive been trying to figure this out and there is no "tab" button and if you use the "indent" feature it indents the hole thing, so how do you indent the first line. Dont try and google it because there isnt really anything except for spreadsheets. this is what you do:

1. Go into 'edit mode' then go to the beginning of the first line, of the paragraph you want to indent
2. press the options button and go to format
3. go to paragraph (here you will get a list of for paragraph formatting)
4. scroll down to 'indent special' and there will be an option for 'first line'
5. after selecting 'indent special,first line' "indent special by" will appear
6. 'indent special by is where you tell the value of how far you want to indent. (0.5 is the equivalent of hitting the "tab button" once in word.

You would think as much as they charge you for this program they would just K.I.S and build in a Tab button or feature but now. So yeah this is how you do it

Technorati Tags: blackberry,documents to go,How to indent the first line of paragraph "tab" in documents to go for blackberry,how to tab

The Past Few Weeks

2010-09-12T19:07:00.001-07:00

Eman On
I think I over did the canopy but I still am proud of this

Lovers
This one, OMG i could not take a good pic of this one for the life of me but today for some reason this one came. Still not the best pic but its post worthy

The Bridge
I really like this one I have to put it somewhere because I keep wanting to do stuff to it.

As always let me know what you think. Good or bad it all helps. Just be constructive

Technorati Tags: Paintings

Dogflower

2010-09-01T19:56:00.001-07:00

Dogflower

Technorati Tags: paintings

What I did last night

2010-08-30T14:55:00.001-07:00

Just some things I did last night.

let me know what you think

(I might delete this because these pics did not come out the way I would have liked)

trees

eclipse of a toxic sun

Technorati Tags: paintings

New Stuff

2010-08-29T16:42:00.001-07:00

so these are the latest ones

let me know what you think

i call this one
mountains, clouds & water

sunset

Technorati Tags: paintings

Something New

2010-08-15T18:14:00.001-07:00

For the past two, going on three weeks now I’ve been painting everyday. I just woke up and said to myself,

“I feel like painting.”

and I haven’t stopped.

Of course these are by no means professional. I gladly and proudly proclaim these amateur. ( Wrote a poem about the word amateur will post latter.)

These are all done in oil, and I am still searching for the perfect spot to take a proper picture that will properly translate what I painted. I have a lot more that I will post latter but for now these are the only pictures of the painting that I feel are acceptable.

ALL FEEDBACK IS WELCOME as long as it is constructive. If you think it sucks, tell me why. If you think its great, tell me why.

I call this one Chaos Kontrol

This is Man

This is Woman.

This is either: Earth, Life, In-between the shades of Grey, or Shot of happiness. Haven’t made up my mind yet.

This is High noon in the home land.

This is Monday. :-)

This is Flesh tones or Shades

I haven’t titled this one yet.

Haven’t titled this one yet.

This is either The void is what you see or The Pessimist

Technorati Tags: paint,paintings,pictures

Doing and Being

2010-01-27T22:34:00.000-08:00

Doing and Being are action words: verbs, meaning that an action is taking place, something is happening. When we who claim the name Christian Say we are Christians it means a totally separate thing than actively Being a Christian. Reading the word of God verses Doing what the word of God says is again two totally separate things, but equally the same as Saying you are a Christian and Being a Christian.

The Bible says in Matthew 7:24-25

“So everyone who hears these words of mine AND ACTS UPON THEM [obeying them] will be like a sensible (prudent, practical, wise) man who built his house upon the rock. 25 and when the rain fell, and the floods came and the winds blew and beat against the house it did not fall because it had been founded on the rock.”

The key here is “…AND ACTS UPON THEM.” “Acting upon them” is the catalyst for a spiritual bomb that a lot of Christians miss out on in their lives. You have the word by itself functioning in your life being highly potent and highly active, but without putting the word(s) into action; actively living the word, actively doing what the word says to do you miss out on the great explosion of spiritual: power, fruit, grace, mercy, blessing, ect that God intended and promised. Then we are left with the mere potential of what could and or might happen. This isn’t meant to be confused with the belief that works is what makes a person a Christian and allows entrance into heaven.

Faith and belief in Christ Jesus as the one and only Lord and savior is what allows entrance into heaven. Christian works (or what some people call the Christian thing to do) are supposed to be an identifiers of what a Christian is in this world, but somewhere along the way people came to think and then believe that the works that one does became grater and more important than the faith and name that one does them in. Martin Luther said,

“As works do not make a man a believer, so also they do not make him righteous, but as faith makes a man a believer and righteous, so faith does good works. Since, then, works justify no one; a man must be righteous before he does a good work.”

Martin Luther

Freedom of A Christian

So to be very clear I’m not talking about works in the place of faith but in addition to it.

If you read the scriptures it shows that works done in faith were always meant to be something that went together hand in hand with faith in Jesus Christ (faith in the salvation, life after death eternal, the kingdom of heaven) as the primary thing and the reason. The works done in Christ name were meant to be an outpour of the first going together with the second not the second being greater than the first. If you look at the some of the miracles that Jesus performed (the man with leprosy Matthew 8:2-3, The woman that touched the hem of his robe Matthew 9:20-22, and my favorite the Canaanite woman’s daughter Matthew 15:22-28) the first and foremost thing that they presented to Jesus or Jesus brought into question was their faith AND THEN the miracle (work) was preformed.

The Bible says in Ephesians 2:8-9

“For it is by Grace you have be save, through faith and this not from yourself. It is the gift of God. 9 not by works, so that no one can boast.”

The Amplified breaks it down to further clarity.

“For it is by free Grace (god unmerited favor) that you are saved. (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ’s Salvation) through [your] faith. This [salvation] is not of yourself [of your own doing, it came not through your own striving] buy it is the free gift of God; 9 Not because of works [not the fulfillment of the law’s demands], least any man should boast. [it is not the result of what anyone can possibly do, so no one can pride himself in it or take glory to himself.]”

Basically there is NOTHING we could EVER do that would make us worthy enough to enter into heaven EXCEPT admitting that Jesus and Jesus alone is the only one that is truly worthy. Admitting that Jesus and Jesus alone did it all and by sacrificing himself in our place made us all worthy. If there was something that a man or woman could DO (except admitting that Jesus did it all) that could grant them access to heaven that would make Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection void and we would then be back under the law.

So what do I mean by a Doer of the word? Being a Christian rather than Saying you are Christian if nothing that would could do counts towards us getting into heaven?

The bible says in James 2:14-18 amp

“What is the use (profit) my brethren, for anyone to profess to have faith if he has no [good] works [to show for it] can such faith save his soul? 15 if a brother or sister is poorly clad and lacks food for each day 16 and one of you says to him Goodbye! Keep yourself warm and well fed without giving him the necessities for the body what good does that do? 17 So also faith if it does not have works (deeds and actions of obedience to back it up) by itself is destitute of power (inoperative, dead)”

We are Christ representatives on earth. We are emissaries of heaven and what I can only best describe as Christlikeness. As Christians we are to show all those that are not what is it to be a Christian; not just by our words but also with our actions. Our lives are to be the example; the walking, living, breathing example of the kingdom of heaven and what awaits them there. Our lives are to be the example to them; the walking, living, breathing example to them of the love that Jesus has shown and given to us. Not to say that we are Christ, but to show them what THEY CAN BE IN CHRIST and the love he also has for them.

The Bible says in Matthew 22:36-40 amp

“Teacher, which of the commandments is the greatest and most important? 37 And he replied to him. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great (most important, principle) and first commandment 39 AND you shall love your neighbor as you do yourself.”

What does that mean? Jesus says first and foremost, above all things LOVE GOD next LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOU WOULD YOURSELF.

Two important things here I think the original Greek helps bring into focus. First: the word for neighbor in Greek is πλησίον plēsion (play-see'-on) which means near, close by, neighbor. Webster’s New world college dictionary defines a neighbor: 1 a person who lives near another, 2 a person, country, or thing situated near another. 3 a fellow human being, 4 any person

What I’m getting at is that God was and is telling us to love our neighbor just as we would love ourselves. (which incidentally is why I believe the world and the devil tries so hard to get people into states of depression, doubt, self loathing, self consciousness, and self hatred because if you don’t love yourself how could you possible love anyone else but this is another topic for another day.) Who then is our neighbor? Yes the person that lives next door or across the street but also the person standing next to us in line, the co-worker that we don’t like (or doesn’t like us), and the homeless person that we walk or drive by. The neighbor that we are to love as we love ourselves is basically anyone and everyone that has breath and lives. We are called to love our neighbors (anyone and everyone) as we love ourselves meaning if we ourselves are cold and we love ourselves we would make ourselves warm so we are to do that for those that we see are cold. If we are hungry and we love ourselves we go eat, we are called to do the same for those we see whom are hungry. The mind blowing part of this is that the same type of love we are to love god first with is the same type of love we are to love ourselves and our neighbors (anyone and everyone) with.

The word in Greek used in the scripture Matthew 22:36-40 for love is ἀγαπάω agapaō

(ag-ap-ah'-o) which in simple terms means love, but the Greeks had and have many different words for love and you could say that this one is the king of them. agapaō is more than just emotional love, more that just love that involves feeling. You could feel like doing something one moment and then not feel like doing it the next. agapaō includes the emotional and feeling love but is not limited to them and goes way beyond them. agapaō includes willful intent. In murder cases willful intent is what separates first degree murder from accidental man slaughter. agapaō includes the feeling you feel when you love Christ and you feel him love you back but it goes past that into the willful intent to love and obey Christ when you don’t feel like doing so. The decision to continue to love Christ when everything thing around you is trying to lead you in a direction that is outside of that love.

It’s sort of like being married for some time and for a whole month straight; every morning and every night you and your partner fight. At the end of that month, that person that you think is kind of hot comes on to you. They let you know that they would not turn you down if you decided to make a move, yet you decided to go home to whatever might await you. The decision to continue to love your partner in spite of whatever else may be is just the door to gate at the outer border of agapaō, and is the love that Christ not only requires, but commands us to love him with but also love ourselves and everyone else with.

As Christians we are not under the law but if there was a law for Christians it would be to learn how to make the decision to really love (agapaō) God and then once we are fully in the middle of agapaō land and know the terrain inside and out we are then to put it in our hearts and show it to the world. Some people might still say what does this have to do with being a Christian and a doer of the word? As Christians we are to reflect the love of Jesus and heaven into the world. What God has given and shown to us we are then to give and show to the world.

I like to think of the function of a Christian as a telescope. When a person is not a Christian and they hear all the things that people say about God, and heaven, and all those things can be like looking up into the night sky. It’s pretty but its vastness and complexity to our eyes and our minds confounds our understanding. This is where the Christian telescope comes in. The way a basic telescope works is by reflection and focus. You point the telescope at something in the sky and the light and image is shone into a tube and at the back of that tube is a mirror. From there the light and image is then reflected, magnified, and focused onto a smaller mirror which in turn is the image we see when we look into the hole. (just a side note that I think is very interesting and says a lot. The larger the first mirror is at the back of the tube the more light it can take in and reflect there by giving a better and more focused, clearer, and detailed image.)

When you do Christian works it is not and should never in anyway be to magnify yourself, but to show the world the love, grace, and mercy that God has shown to you. When you help the homeless it is to show how God helped you. When you give freely (without seeking something in return) it is to show how God freely (without seeking something in return) gave to you. We should think of Christianity as a verb. Being a Christian is not some sedentary thing, being a Christian is supposed to be an active on going process. A doer of the word does not mean that you have to go out and find someway to martyr yourself, nor does it mean that you go out and do something just so that you can say,

“Look at what I did.”

In fact the bible says in Matthew 6:1-4amp

“Take care not to do your good deeds publicly or before men, in order to be seen by then; otherwise you will have no reward with and from your father who is in heaven.2 Thus, whenever you give to the poor do not blow a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites in the synagogues and in the streets like to do, that they be recognized and honored and praised by MEN. Truly I tell you they have their reward in full.3 But when you give to charity do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.4 So that your deeds of Charity my be in secret and your father who sees in secret will reward you OPENLY”

A doer of the word, being a Christian means actively doing and being for the purpose of reflecting Christ into the world. When you donate do it because it is what Christ has put upon and into your heart to do, NOT because everyone else is doing or because it will show everyone how much of a good Christian you are; like the scripture says you will have already received your reward.

Whatever you do in Jesus’ name do it with Jesus in mind. Do what you do with the fact, always repeating in your mind that the Love Jesus has for you and the love you have for him you are to show and give, with whatever it is that you do and give, with agapaō love. The very same love you share in the loving of Christ you are to also share that with your neighbor: the person, the country, the whatever that is right next to you, the person that you can and can not see or touch. Think how much better the world would be if everyone that SAID they were a Christian actually practiced BEING a Christian. If everyone that read and believed in the words in the Bible were actually DOERS of the words they believed in. I think Christian and Christianity would then stop being a noun, stop being a state of mind or label and become what Jesus always meant it to be a VERB, and it all starts with you and I that claim the name.

©Christopher F. Brown 2010

Get out of God’s way; get with his program, and stick with and to the program. Pt 2

2009-12-06T18:52:00.001-08:00

*I think this one is longer than the first, so, yeah lol God Bless*

The last part of getting with and sticking to his (God’s) program can really be broken down and summed up in one word OBEDIENCE. As a black man living in America that one word still sometimes causes my face to frown and the muscles in the back of my neck tighten. Obedience is something that you expect out of: a pet (mostly more from a dog than a cat), child, prisoner, servant, or slave, not from an intelligent free living, free thinking being. In popular culture it’s been said in so many different ways that a free and truly independent man/woman only has his or her will, passions, and desires as master and is only subject to them. As a Christian man I can not and will not agree.

A lot of people I know that are not Christians (and a few that claim to be) believe that in order to be a good Christian you have to: do A and not do B, not say A and always say B, Not even think about A or even care about B. If you do then you are going straight to hell. There are so many scriptures, (i mean really scripture after scripture) that says Jesus died so that we would not be hell bound in doing A, or saying B, or thinking C, but the most famous one that I can think of is 1 Corinthians 10:23

“All things are legitimate, permissible and we are free to do anything we please, BUT not all things are helpful (expedient, profitable and and wholesome) all things are legitimate, but not all things are constructive (to character) and edifying (to spiritual life)”

1Corithians 10:23 amp

I think of it like this; Under the law (the way of the old testament) those that believed in God were surrounded by an electrical fence, and that fence was the law (or the law of God) Trying to go out side of the electrical fence (the law of God) meant death (if not instant). If you have ever been around something that is electrical, and also very powerful; if you get to near to it you can hear the buzz of it and the hair on your arm or wherever might even stand up. This is how powerful the law is and was, just getting near to breaking the law you got that warring. The law/fence was not just a box that believers were stuck in. The law was and is there to protect the believers from what lay on the other side of the fence: Sin, Damnation, Temptation, Hell, and all that is in the world.

When Jesus came in he basically grabbed the fence and took in all the power of the fence into himself, died, came back to life and not only made the fence powerless to those that believed in him (he did not destroy the fence because the bible does say that he said,

“Do not think that I have come to do away with or undo the law or the Prophets; I have come not to do away with or undo but to complete and fulfill them”

Matthew 5:17 amp

) but became the gate to outside, not so that we could go out and sin but rather that WHEN those that believe got to close to the fence/law or managed to brake the fence/law there would be forgiveness and not just death. He basically said,

“So here’s the deal. If you believe in me you can not only get near the fence but you touch it and not get zapped and die. That does not mean party over at Sin’s house. That does however mean Hell is not the only club in town anymore. You no longer have to try and live inside of the fence without accidently touching it and ultimately dying because of that mistake. You can not only touch the fence but you can go outside. You can go out into the world although not be a part of it. What might be temptation for your brother may be noting for you. What might not even be a consideration for your father may be a life long burden for you; the point is you do not have to live in fear of the fence. You only have to have faith in me.”

How and what does all that have to do with Obedience and sticking to and with God’s plan?

When you decide to become a Christian, when you make the choice to become a follower of Christ the act of obedience becomes sacrificial, not only that but if becomes the type of sacrifice that God delights in.

When God asks A of you and you do A (especially when its something that you don't want to do and in my case something that make no sense at all and i completely DO NOT understand) you place your obedience on a spiritual altar. The sacrifice of your obedience becomes that sweet smelling thing that is pleasing to God because you did not have to obey, but you of your own free will chose to. When you obey God you are spiritually putting to death your pride for him just as Christ Jesus put to death his physical being for you.

Why should I OBEY God?

ALOT of people I know have this question in their hearts to it I say,

God won’t hurt you.

Being Obedient to Men you are subject to whatever whims and desires they may have weather they be good or bad. Obeying god is fantastically and fanatically different. God might ask of you something that you don't understand, or something that makes no logical sense AT ALL no matter how many ways you look at it (trust me I know lol ). God might even place you in a position that is completely outside of your comfort zone, but if you are obedient to God and have faith it will work out in your favor.

So what gets in the way of obeying God and ultimately sticking to the program?

Fear and Pride

Today I think that pride is one of the major things that gives the fence a little charge every now and then. Like I said in part 1 people not only let things and stuff identify and set their worth but they take pride and boast about it. Who has more to boast about,

Person A: Who only wears the newest Gucci, Prada, Betsy Johnson, or whatever and lives on a 40 room mansion on a private island

Person B: Who hung every sun, moon, and planet in the universe after setting the foundation for the universe then put the universe in its place and at one time measured ever drop of water in the sky, ocean, and everywhere in the palm of his hand.

Proverbs 16:5 says

“Everyone proud and arrogant in heart is disgusting, hateful (not hated) and exceedingly offensive to the Lord; be assured [I pledge it] they will not go unpunished”

Proverbs 16:5 amp

There are many more scriptures to this, but God DOES NOT like pride or people being prideful.

It gets in God’s Way.

In order to truly be obedient to God we have to get rid of our pride. Just as Christ put his flesh to death so must we put our own pride to death.

To some, pride is that sin outside of the fence, for others its not even worth mentioning. One practical way to become less prideful is to do something for someone else (that is not a family member or a friend or co-worker that you like) that only benefits them and not you in any way, AND NOT TELL ANYONE ABOUT IT. A selfless act that is only seen and known about by you, the person you helped, and God. It may seem like nothing but it opens a door. (And what a wonderful door)

The other thing that gets in the way of people obeying God is Fear. (I really will limit and restrict myself here because Fear I could go on and on about but I wont, Here LOL)

I know some women whom have told me that they would never obey any man because of the fear that they will be treated just as badly as they had been by a certain man before. I also know some men that run from relationship to relationship (or person to person) because of the fear that if anyone gets to close, gets to deep inside of his heart and past his walls then they would be in a position to hurt him like those others did before, so they out of fear run, or do not even let the word relationship pass their mouths let alone grow into something all out of fear.

GOD WON’T HURT YOU!!!

I really cant say anything practical about this except that you have to have faith and trust that in time you will see God not only loves you but is in love with you, so much so that he gave you a choice of doing the same thing instead of making you do so. God is so much in love with you that he laid down his life for you so that when you laid down yours you could live again. God may correct you but he WILL NOT HURT YOU!

Martin Luther said in Freedom of A Christian

“So when the soul firmly trusts God’s promises, it regards him as truthful and righteous. Nothing more excellent than this can be ascribed to God. The very highest worship of God is this that we ascribe to him truthfulness, righteousness, and whatever else should be ascribed to one who is trusted. When this is done, the soul consents to his will. Then it hallows his name and allows itself to be treated according to God’s good pleasure for clinging to God’s it does not doubt that he who is true, just , and wise will do, dispose, and provide ALL THINGS WELL.”

Martin Luther, Freedom of A Christian

If you truly trust someone you have faith in them to do and be a certain way. If you go on vacation and you leave someone to housesit you have trust in and have faith that they above all others will not steal from you. You have so much trust and faith in the belief that this person would not steal from you that you charge them with the task of protecting your home from those that you think might steal. What God asks is for you to let him be in charge of and the protector of your life because he already gave his for you.

Even with that said some still walk in fear, even when it means stepping outside of God’s plan and doing your own thing. The thing there is God took the power away from the fence and in its place gave all that trust in and have faith in him, freedom and forgiveness. Even when we know the plan that God has for us and we step out of it and walk or act in fear because of the grace of God we have forgiveness.

If we look back at Joseph at one point after Herod had died and the Angel of the lord plainly told Joseph to go back home the bible says that Joseph had fear in his heart because Herod’s son was ruling the land so he went to Nazareth instead. (Matthew 2:22-23)

When God showed this to me I was really struck at how through the midst of it all God still is god. To really get the point of how afraid Joseph was the Greek word that was used for the type of fear that Joseph had was phobeo which in this context translates out to exceedingly fearful. Phobeo draws it root from another Greek word Phobos which means (to be put in fear); alarm or fright: - be afraid, + exceedingly, fear, terror. That root word Phabos is also the root of a modern English word we over use today Phobia.

Maybe this is just me but I would think by now after angels coming down from heaven telling me A, B, and the other I would know that God has my back and I would not care who was ruling what but that is me. The point is that even when you know god, and know god for a fact, and still disobey there is forgiveness. Moreover when we decide to follow our own plan and do what we want to do God’s will is still working. God’s ultimate plan is still working and will not fail. In fact (this is something to really consider) your disobedience was known even before the first sun, moon, or planet was placed in the universe and it still does not mess up God’s plans.

God Knows.

God Forgives

When we step off the path and get outside of his light

God Knows.

God Forgives.

Not only does God know HE KNEW.

God Knew what you were going to do even before the situation came around for to do what you did. The thing is God gave you the free will, the choice to do the thing that you did, to make the choice that you made. I hope that whomever reads this and they don't get anything that I'm saying or disagree with everything please get this,

GOD MADE MAN

MAN MADE ROBOTS

With all that said we can reason that God knew Joseph would not take Mary and Jesus home but to Nazareth, and not only did God know this but it was part of the plan.

Nothing you say or don't say

Nothing you do or don't do

Nothing that has ever happen, is happening, or ever will happen catches God by surprise.

Nothing you say or don't say

Nothing you do or don't do

Nothing that has ever happen, is happening, or ever will happen will mess up God’s plans.

We might make choices that causes us to step outside of God’s light or choices that go against God’s will, but God’s plan is still in effect. We can take comfort in the factual knowledge that God’s plan, God’s program is always in effect. Even when we disobey (or don't understand at all lol), even when we walk in fear; God’s plan is still working, still under way.

Get with and stick to God’s Program.

I think that… I know that for a fact (because I thought it at one time) sometimes some people think that God sees their life and all their troubles and turmoil and says,

“Wow, that rough, It must suck to be you, oh well.”

or worse is silent.

What’s really happening is that God is saying,

“I see the things happening in your life. I know what you are going through and I know it hurts because it hurts me just as much if not more than you, but I ask you. What are you going to do about it? Are you going to continue to get into situations and then seek me when you need to get out of them or will you just seek me.”

Get out of gods way, get with his program, and stick with and to the program.

God bless.

©Christopher F. Brown 2009

Technorati Tags: god,faith,Christian

Get out of God’s way; get with his program, and stick with and to the program. Pt 2

2009-12-06T11:11:00.001-08:00

*I think this one is longer than the first, so, yeah lol God Bless*

“All things are legitimate, permissible and we are free to do anything we please, BUT not all things are helpful (expedient, profitable and and wholesome) all things are legitimate, but not all things are constructive (to character) and edifying (to spiritual life)”

1Corithians 10:23 amp

“Do not think that I have come to do away with or undo the law or the Prophets; I have come not to do away with or undo but to complete and fulfill them”

Matthew 5:17 amp

How and what does all that have to do with Obedience and sticking to and with God’s plan?

Why should I OBEY God?

ALOT of people I know have this question in their hearts to it I say,

God won’t hurt you.

So what gets in the way of obeying God and ultimately sticking to the program?

Fear and Pride

Person A: Who only wears the newest Gucci, Prada, Betsy Johnson, or whatever and lives on a 40 room mansion on a private island

Proverbs 16:5 says

“Everyone proud and arrogant in heart is disgusting, hateful (not hated) and exceedingly offensive to the Lord; be assured [I pledge it] they will not go unpunished”

Proverbs 16:5 amp

There are many more scriptures to this, but God DOES NOT like pride or people being prideful.

It gets in God’s Way.

In order to truly be obedient to God we have to get rid of our pride. Just as Christ put his flesh to death so must we put our own pride to death.

The other thing that gets in the way of people obeying God is Fear. (I really will limit and restrict myself here because Fear I could go on and on about but I wont, Here LOL)

GOD WON’T HURT YOU!!!

Martin Luther said in Freedom of A Christian

“So when the soul firmly trusts God’s promises, it regards him as truthful and righteous. Nothing more excellent than this can be ascribed to God. The very highest worship of God is this that we ascribe to him truthfulness, righteousness, and whatever else should be ascribed to one who is trusted. When this is done, the soul consents to his will. Then it hallows his name and allows itself to be treated according to God’s good pleasure for clinging to God’s it does not doubt that he who is true, just , and wise will do, dispose, and provide ALL THINGS WELL.”

Martin Luther, Freedom of A Christian

God Knows.

God Forgives

When we step off the path and get outside of his light

God Knows.

God Forgives.

Not only does God know HE KNEW.

GOD MADE MAN

MAN MADE ROBOTS

With all that said we can reason that God knew Joseph would not take Mary and Jesus home but to Nazareth, and not only did God know this but it was part of the plan.

Nothing you say or don't say

Nothing you do or don't do

Nothing that has ever happen, is happening, or ever will happen catches God by surprise.

Nothing you say or don't say

Nothing you do or don't do

Nothing that has ever happen, is happening, or ever will happen will mess up God’s plans.

Get with and stick to God’s Program.

I think that… I know that for a fact (because I thought it at one time) sometimes some people think that God sees their life and all their troubles and turmoil and says,

“Wow, that rough, It must suck to be you, oh well.”

or worse is silent.

What’s really happening is that God is saying,

Get out of gods way, get with his program, and stick with and to the program.

God bless.

©Christopher F. Brown 2009

Technorati Tags: god,faith,Christian

Get out of God’s way; get with his program, and stick with and to the program. Part 1

2009-11-27T01:11:00.001-08:00

* This something that God has been showing me and by no means is this meant to make me any more than anyone else and yes to some of you this may make me a hypocrite, but i know they called Jesus worse. I feel… I know i have to share this so I will. I hope and pray that this reaches whomever god is intending this to reach. If you read this and it helps you then praise God. If you read this and are offended or think “how could he write this"?” You did not have to read this, it was your choice. Also this came out really long so I'm breaking it up into parts. God bless.*

Getting in God’s way: Wanting more and not excepting what God has already given and or done. Wanting to be and or do something other than what you know God has call you for or given you the gifts that he created for you and intended for you to use and or be

When I say this I do not mean become complacent and just except whatever comes and whatever falls in your life and in your way. That is not God’s way at all. An example of what I mean is turning away a bowl of rice because its not a steak all the while you have been praying and praying to god to rid you of your hunger. Another example of what I mean is having a gift to sing, but never doing so because you want to dance, or having a gift to write but never doing so because you want to paint, or draw, or whatever.

All that, all of those things are hindrances not for god, but for you. God created you with a purpose and a plan, but it is up to you to seek it out, get with it, and stick to it.

How can you get out of God’s way and Get with his program?: Sit down, shut up and listen.

That might seem a little harsh but it is the truth. The example of sitting down is stop trying to make something happen and doing all that you can to make that things happen instead of turning it over to God and letting him work it out. The Shut up and listen part is simply listen to what God is trying to tell you, listen when God is trying to speak to you. I know some Christians like to pray and that is a very good thing, but some don't like to listen. You can pray and pray and pray and pray and pray and that might in some cases be a good thing. In other cases I think God says,

“I heard you the first 500 times just wait a minuet.” or “ I heard you the first 500 times if you be quiet and listen you’ll hear the answer your asking of me or get the thing you are asking of me”

I know some people get so upset when you interrupt their prayer that they really just get mad at you and try to make you feel bad about it not realizing that God could be sending you to answer the very thing they are asking for or about.

Genesis 24:1-16 tells how a servant of Abraham was given the task of finding a wife for one of his sons. The servant also had a set of particulars to make sure that the one that he picked would make the cut. What amazes me about this servant was that he did not even believe in Abrahams God. He had his own God (God’s really) but because he wanted to please Abraham so much he prayed to Abrahams god to send him the woman that would make the cut and fit all the particulars. I could go on about how much faith that must have taken but that is another tangent. The point here is that the bible says before he could even finish praying Rebecca came around the corner and fulfilled not only his requirements but many many more. The servant got out of god’s way, got with god’s program. This servant listen and received when god spoke and gave.

When trouble comes or things start to go wrong (and the will go wrong) we often say to ourselves,

“Ok if I put in some overtime, or take that other job.”

When the car breaks down sometimes our first thought is,

“I hope cousin Johnny is not busy and can fit me in otherwise I’ll have to take it to the shop and if I have to do that I wont have the money to pay the light bill …”

Half the time we go through those things because we don't do what we promised God we would do, PRAY. All of that belongs to God. God wants you to seek him first everyday and in everyway and in everything. The car could have broken down because god is making a way for a new one. That unexpected bill that you don't have the money to pay could be a trust exercise. Are you going to do what you told god you would do and trust him, or are you going to (try to) make away yourself.

The bible says in Luke 5:1-7 Simon had been out fishing all day and had not even caught one fish and had packed it up. He was washing his nets and was done for the day, but Jesus had came along. (When I read this scripture I think of the Johnny Cash song “When the man comes around”) Jesus got in Simon’s boat and told him to cast out his net. Your average person (today) would have said,

“Man, you trippin. We’ve been out here ALL DAY and have not caught even one, one, fish. I'm not doing that. I'm going home, get out of my boat.”

Yet, that is not what Simon did. Simon said,

“We have not caught anything all day, not even one small fish, but because you ask me to do it I will.”

The bible then goes on to say that they caught so many fish that their nets started to break from the weight and the amount of them all and that they had to call some friends to help them because they had caught so much fish that their boats began to sink under the weight. Simon shut his moth and listened to god, He had faith in that moment and let god’s will (not his own) be done and in that moment he witness the rewards of getting out of god’s way, getting with god’s program, and sticking with it. Now in Luke 5:8 he moves to another moment that is another tangent for something else. Seek him first is what we are supposed to do, worry or try to work it out ourselves is not what we are supposed to do.

Get out of God’s way.

Another MAJOR example of Getting out of god’s way, getting with god’s program, and sticking with it is Joseph. Joseph I think gets so discounted by the whole of Christendom, but he really is such example to us all.

In the first two chapters of the book of Mathew Joseph is given a choice when he sees that Mary; this woman that is promised to him as his wife and is supposed to be a virgin is pregnant. He could do what society tells him is the lawful thing to do and publicly shame her and in that time he could have even had her put to death. He could do what society said was the right thing, the just thing, and the “good” thing and just quietly get the today’s equivalent of an annulment. The last choice was he could do the “Godly” thing and get out of God’s way and get with God’s program. The bible says that Joseph had already decided that he had made up his mind to do the “good” thing and secretly and quietly get an annulment and not put Mary to shame (this is a tangent but I love how god takes “good” people, not great people but “good” people and calls them to do and be of “godly” things). Then an angel of the lord spoke to him in a dream and said,

“So check this out, here’s the deal Mary is carrying God’s son in her womb. Name him Jesus because God is fulfilling his word here.”

The bible says that after that dream Joseph woke up and took Marry as his wife. He could have done so much worse but he did the Godly thing. He simply got out of God’s way.

The Godly thing was not to bring down city walls, or to part seas, or walk or water, or have strength or intelligence equal to no other man. The Godly thing that God called Joseph to do was to take Mary as his wife even though the child in her womb was not his own. Sometimes the godly thing can be that simple. Sometimes the Godly thing that god has told, and is telling us to do is to simply to get out of his way, get with the program he has created since the beginning of time, and stick with it, but we sometimes have to shut up, sit down and listen to get it.

God already has a plan and if we have a true love and understanding of God we know that even though we don't know and never will know god’s plan, even if we don't get what god’s plan is for us and our life is; the plan that God has for our life is part of his plan for everything and God’s plans never fail. If we turn over our life to him and let his will be ours, let his plans be ours even in the mists of what the world would consider failure not only are we succeeding but we are conquering.

Its and insult to god if you really think about it. Here it is he creates this perfect perfection for your life just because he loves you (and loves you so much he gives you the option that you don't even have to if you don't want to because you have free will) and you go and do what the law says; what society says; or even what world considers good when he is calling you to so much more, so much greater. He is calling you to Godliness but first you have to get out of his way.

Sticking with and to the program: Follow through and trust god, pray and wait, pray and listen, stick to what he has told you until he tells you something different. If you want it god will give but be mindful and before asking think “is this what I need?” Don't grow comfortable with the tings that the world places in your life. Don't allow the things that the world and even god brings into your life define you and determine your worth. Basically do not make someone or thing an “idol” that has a place in your heart and life next to god. (I know right that was a lot but sometimes it takes a lot.)

The bible is full of people who stick with and to the program even when it seems like it wasn't working out. If we go back to Joseph in Mathew chapter two we see that the devil began to work and that Joseph’s troubles start, but instead of saying,

“oh see, here comes trouble I'm out.”

He stuck to and with the program.

The Bible says in Mathew chapter two that when Herod (the king of Israel at that time) heard about these three “wise men” looking for for the king of the Jews saying that they saw his star in the sky and we have come to worship him. He got upset and scared. He had fear. (I love how the bible calls them wise men because I think if the bible had been written today they would have been called three “strangers” because here are these men from far off lands that no one knows about and had never heard of before come in and are seeking Jesus to worship him even before the world knew he was there.)

If you look into Herod’s character and history this was an out right threat. First Herod had backed Antony and Cleopatra but we know how that turned out and the only way he was not one of the few that did not get their heads cut off was to be a turn coat and swear loyalty to Octavian. Herod built many temples to Roman god’s and was a true lover of all thing Greek all the while technically being a Jew (because his father converted to Judaism and his mother was liked by the Jewish people.) and because of that the Jews at the time tolerated Herod as their king, were comfortable with Herod as their King and the fact that their King was under the authority of Rome and not God, but that soon changed.

Herod played along with these three wise men and told them when they found this Child to let him know so he could come worship too but Herod’s plan (getting in god’s way) was to kill this child. The priests and the scribes of the land at that time told Herod that these men were not crazy and this was a prophecy being fulfilled. God did not let that happen though. He sent an angel to the wise men and told them to not only not tell Herod when they found Jesus but to go a different way than what they came. This pissed Herod off even more because now he did not know who this Christ was. In an effort to “CYA” he said,

“Alright, Ill just kill every male child of this age and that should cover it.”

I think about that and it blows my mind. In an effort to keep is place, to maintain his title Herod became a mass murder OF BABBIES. Herod let the devil use him and he destroyed an entire generation just to keep his place, his status.

What would you do to keep your job, car, home, title, office, salary, parking spot, name on the door, (fill in blank)? People get so caught up in things and stuff that they not only let the things and stuff define them but the actually see their worth in the things and stuff.

Get out of god’s way, get with his program, and stick with and to the program.

The Angel came back to Joseph and told him to get up and take you and your wife and child into Egypt until I saw otherwise. Here again If we think about Joseph situation. He could have said,

“Hell its not my son anyway why should I care.”

and in those times the only place that was just as worse as Rome in its decadence and corruption was Egypt. I could just see Joseph’s face going,

“huh, Egypt? you playin right?”

The only thing I could think of that would be the equivalent in today’s world would the father of and Amish family living on a farm in Minnesota somewhere next to nowhere saying to his family one day,

“Um everyone as we all know things are getting tough so God has spoken to me and we are moving to Las Vegas until god tells me otherwise.”

Joseph stuck with and to the program even when it did not seem to make any logical, feasible, sense at all. Joseph went into Egypt.

Technorati Tags: Christian,god,faith

Black, Male, Gay, and Christian!?

2009-10-01T13:58:00.001-07:00

For those of you whom have known me (casually) for the past few years you might think that I might be going through some sort of phase. For the people whom have known me a bit more for the same amount of time might have seen this as a natural progression. The rest of you that know me (and have probably have know me for over a decade or so now) know that this is nothing new. Sadly I have to say its more like an ebb and flow which I'm working on changing; really its more of me returning, rather, to a place where I was before and trying to go from there.

For the past five years (I think it has been) I’ve been calling myself a Follower of Christ and not a Christian. I know it is just word play but for the past few years I wanted to separate myself from the hypocrisy that many Christians adopt in their walk with Jesus. One of the big ones for me was the super, ultra, mega churches. I know that if God decides to bless a church with thousands of members than so be it, but I've been to a few of these and what I felt at these places was not the spirit of the Lord. What I felt was Club Jesus.

Club Jesus was open every Sunday from 8am-1pm and the dress code was STRICLY enforced. Another thing that I wanted to separate myself from was the self-righteousness that a lot of so called Christians adopt. The attitude that because you are SAVED AND SANCTIFIED then you (and PASSA) have the right to pass judgment on ANYTHING, EVERYTHING, and ANYONE; when the fact is that last I checked Jesus was the one who died on the cross. Jesus is the one that we have to stand before ALONE and give account for our lives, NOT Passa so and so, NOT Bishop or Deacon so and so, and most definitely NOT Sista so and so. This and the fact that most of the churches I had been to up until a certain point were certainly holy ghost filled, but as far as the pastor instructing and teaching from the word I felt like i was missing out on something. While the pastor hyperventilated and spoke in tongues for an hour or so I would sit in the back and have my bible reading time. My Grandmother said it best once when I was a child,

“Boy that passa sho did do some preachin. I don't know what he was saying but he sho did do some preachin.”

I set out to feast upon the meal that is the wisdom and knowledge of the lord and his goodness and I felt as if I was getting candy and ice cream. Its ok for a while but to grow right you need nutrition.

That led me to non-denomination churches; here I learned the difference between the HOLY GHOST and the HOLY SPIRIT. Man I did miss good ole praise and worship service, but in these churches I was feed the knowledge, and wisdom of the lord and instructed in his word. My hunger for knowledge was filled but it was like eating chicken, vegetables, and rice all the time, you seek something sweet once in a while. I also always felt like an outsider, like it was God, them, and I. I also found in the non-denominations I had been to most ever message was one of prosperity, but taught in the way of “Jesus, the ultimate Jinni.” One thing I did find in common between Non-denominations and most Black Churches was that they both were not afraid to pass the collection plate around a good 2 or 3 times for the “building fund” or whatever fund. I had got to a point where I felt like Anthony of Hippo and just wanted to go into a mountain cave or lock myself in a tomb with my bible and just pray and be with god. No place where fake, phony, name only Christians could get to me. A place where every Sunday there were 2 or three collections for the building fund but no new building, a place where people smiled in your face but when you passed them on the way out of church you heard,

“Shh, shh here he come.”

but like with Anthony of Hippo God was not having that with me.

Some time ago my good friend Racquell started her walk with God ( coincidently she started her walk at the very same church i was born again at when I was 16) Since then she has truly let go and let god. She then started going to another church and had been asking me to come there off and on for the past six years I think. I of course said no because I knew that with the exception of her those people would probably be all phony, name only Christians; ready to condemn something to hell ignoring their own sins and faults when God himself commanded everyone and especially those whom follow him to hold out a helping and forgive. In that six year time though I had my adventures of finding a Church home that not only was gay friendly but i felt complete at. A place where I felt god’s presence and learned his word.

One place was a gay friendly church and had a gay pastor whom was very knowledgeable and very anointed, but it was so boring there and it took me more time to get there than the entirety of the service. I was the newest addition to a parish of 6 or 7 people. They eventually shut their doors because finances would not allow them to stay open. I had the greatest adventure when I had made a “friend” (yeah we will say friend) whom told me about his church and how gay friendly it was and how it was full of the spirit and when i finally went there the message was on “The EVILS of the effeminate spirit and how it shall not enter into the gates of heaven.” and how “…all that are afflicted with effeminate spirits can be released from it if they pray hard enough , fast long enough and chastise(not literally) themselves when they feel those abominable feelings coming over them.” that was a fun 2.5 hours. Add in some other places being too far away, or me just stepping over the threshold and god telling me to go back out and you’ll see how I had become discouraged and decided to just give up on finding a church home and just decided to study and pray, and whenever God decided it was time then it would be time.

I became a person that learned everything that I could about the bible on my own and walked in faith with God alone. I knew (and know) that God would not create me upon this earth and make me in a manner that sentences me to eternal damnation because of something I have no control over and can not pray away. Hell, that was the reason I got born again at 16. I took the word (well really i took the word of some phony, fake people calling themselves Christians) at its word, all my sin would be washed away so imagine my disappointment when I came out the water and was like,

“Damn, still gay.”

Just as much as I can not change being Black, or Male, I CAN NOT change being Gay. Sure I could never have sex with another man again but I would still lust after one in my heart and mind so its the same thing. I could go have an operation so COSMETICALLY I would be a woman, but again the parts don't really work like a real woman's (and to each their own I'm not hating just saying It was not for me) and I love being a man and thank god for making me a man and just as I have no desire to have sex with a woman I have no desire to be one either. I could go bleach my skin but I love being black way too much and thank god for it everyday. So by FAITH I KNOW that Leviticus 18:22, and Romans whatever (I forget right now) must have been warped and taken out of context over the centuries and something is just not right. It just does not seem godly. I know for a fact that in those times the ancient Greeks, Romans, and Egyptians offered up orgies parties to their gods as a form of sacrificial offering. I also know that in those times and in those cultures a man married to a woman could have sex with a male prostitute and those societies saw nothing wrong with it (sorta like how some men think that long as they don’t bottom they are not gay). I'm thinking at originally it was the sex outside of marriage, and the sex with multiple people, and pretty sure offering sex as a form of scarifies was the sin, NOT just plain ole man on man, woman on woman. Either way I’ll find out Judgment day, until then I will keep on loving and praising the lord.

Fast forward a decade, MANY adventures in the Castro, a few failed flings, living in the city, one hell of a three year relationship where we would have been married if we could have been legally, and me getting back to where I was spiritually before I met that person and you have the point where my friend Racquell pops back in my life. She was now married and living around the corner from me and still inviting me to her church. I decide to have dinner with her and her husband. I began to talk about how I choose (chose now) study bibles based on the notes it gave on John 21:15-17. If the bible in question explained the difference between Phileo and Agapao it was a good study bible in my eyes. She then said,

“Pastor B taught a sermon about that one Sunday.”

and her husband shook his head in agreement.

With the exception of Melissa Scott I had NEVER heard of ANY pastor teaching that scripture in any other way than it being that Jesus asked three times and Peter denied three times. I was readily hooked. The line and sinker was when they had a different approach to bible study. It was not just service on a Thursday night. It was a bible Q and A session where you could ask any questions you wanted and the pastor and others would answer to the best of his knowledge. Ever since then I’ve been going to this church. I haven't once felt like the sermon was not speaking DIRECTLY to me, and even right down to technicalities my soul agrees with this place.

Coming from a black church background when a baby is born you wait eight days or so and then have the baby christened or baptized but I’ve always felt that was wrong. Being baptized I feel is something that should be a conscience decision made by the person undergoing it but that was just me. I haven't ever been to a church that thought that, until a few Sundays ago. They did a dedication of a new born were it was not a baptismal because of the reasons that I just said. I was fully impressed. So I think I might have found a church home. A place where I can fellowship with other followers of Christ and dare I say Christians. Sadly I do not like the music there but I've given up on finding a church that mixed holy ghost praise and worship with holy spirit instruction. I’ll just listen to some Marvin Sap, MMC, old school Kirk Franklin, and others in my headphones on the way there while I conveniently just a little late, every Sunday.

I tell you though it is worth it because I not only feel the lords presence there but i also see that Pastor B is a very anointed, and educated man and his sermons ALWAYS align with the bible, and there have been times where some of the same things that I came up with in my study time is what he preached on your said the very same thing. Also, this blew me away, not one time has he asked for a offering to “the building fund” nor does he teach prosperity messages as if God were the ultimate jinni, and all you have to do is pray and be good and god will give you a 50 room house on a hill and a car for every room.

So I think I’ve truly found a church home. This does not mean that i wont be a part of my non Christians friends lives because that is a bunch of hypocritical mess, hell Jesus hung out at the bars, brothels, and preached to anyone whom would listen. People now forget that in those times Jesus was the equivalent to a long-haired hippie rebel (yes i said Jesus was a hippie :-) ) breaking traditions, teaching non-conformity, and upsetting the establishment; hell if they had liked him so much they would not have nailed him to a cross.

So don't think that I'm claiming perfection like the phony hypocrites that I can not stand because if i (or they for that matter) were perfect then we would not have needed Jesus to die on the cross, anybody whom has some sense about the matter would tell you its NOT about being perfect but about recognizing your imperfections and doing what you can to change the things that can be changed and knowing that there is forgiveness when you stumble. Don't think that you cant talk about A,B, or C with me or around me like you did before because I'm still me. Don't think that I'm going to beat you over the head with the bible telling you that you are going to burn in hell unless you get saved right now and quoting scriptures at you every two seconds, and not making any of the jokes that I made before. I did not do that before so don't expect that of me now, but like before if you do have a question and you think I can answer it then ask me. What I'm saying is I have NOT become what you all know that I can not stand (fake, phony, hypocritical, club Jesus member). What am doing is just making a public declaration of something that has been inside of me for a LONG LONG time now. I am a follower of Christ, and dare I say it. A Christian.

Technorati Tags: gay,christian,follower of christ,black,male

The “American Dream” Questioned

2009-07-23T19:41:00.001-07:00

The other day I was watching “The Pursuit of Happiness” and on the special features it explained that the producers including Will Smith chose an Italian man (Gabriele Muccino) to direct the movie. One of the things he said completely incarcerated my thoughts and forced me to write this.

“As Americans you guys don’t really understand and appreciate ‘The American Dream’. To fully appreciate and understand ‘The American Dream’ you have to be a foreigner.”

I wonder how true that statement is? I’ve had plenty of friends whose parents (and some themselves) have come to this country; made good and tell the story,

“I came here with nothing and now look at me.”

As children we are taught to go to school and get good grades you so can get into a good college. Once you have gotten into the good college you get a good education so you can get a good job. Once you have the good job you’re to buy the nice big home with the white picket fence, the nice car that you trade in for a nice sports car latter in life, and start the nice family so the cycle can repeat. That particular dream is ok for some, hey this is American and if that is what a person wants from life then they have the right to pursue. It took a very long time to figure out that particular dream was not for me. Some people’s American dream is to be the richest they can; richer than anyone ever and being born and raised in a democratic society with a capitalistic economic structure you already have an ingrained propensity for the wealth acquirement itch. I’m not saying wanting to be the richest man/woman there ever was makes you greedy capitalistic scum and a leach upon the world and its resources (although I know some reading this would say that). I’m not say that NOT wanting to be rich but seeking a life different from wealth acquisition maybe even seeking spiritual or personal education and elightenment makes you a hippy or a terrorist (although I so some reading this would say that).

What I am saying or asking rather is as Americans do we (myself included) understand and appreciate “The American Dream?” I think as Americans we fully understand “The American Dream” but I think we as Americans do not fully appreciate the access we have to that/those dream(s) verses what most people have in other countries. Keeping with the movie theme take into consideration movies like “Slumdog Millionaire” or “Jerusalema” both movies about men whom came from the unthinkable and achieved the unbelievable. One man in India one man in South Africa but both made good on what we in have claimed in America as our own. The idea of surpassing any and all odds to achieve our hearts desire whatever that might be. That is what we have claimed as “The American Dream.” I have some friends whose ideal would be to see America and all its hypocrisy come full circle. I know that they would like nothing more for all of its greedy corporations and double talking politicians expunged from the face of the Earth. I also have some friends whose ideal would be to make over the world and fill it with capitalism and democracy in every corners and all its crevices. I’d just like to write and have a few of my books and poetry published and make enough money to be what they call “comfortable.”

I’m thinking and I could be wrong is maybe Gabriele Muccino might have meant is that we as Americans do not appreciate and understand. The ease of access and the options of opportunities we have for success in and as Americans.

As a gay black man in America I could play my little violin (and I did for a while) and say how “the man” keeps me down and how “the government” wont even grant me first class citizenship in this country. Explicitly defining what my pursuit of happiness should be and there by limiting it. I think as you get older you start to realize that there will always be something. There will always be something that will be an obstacle in the way. I hate to use these words seeing how they have been overused in the past few years but it is sort of elitist (to me) to think that things should be handed to you just because you want them weather it be ten million dollars, a mansion, and a yacht. It seems (to me) a bit on the entitlement side to think that everyone should want to go out and protest the things (or anything for that matter) that you feel are unjust and unfair, to think that everyone should rally behind the banner of a cause that you (or anyone for that matter) have deemed personally righteous. In Africa certain people are denied jobs for the simple fact that they are from a particular tribe. In America I know that I have been turned down for jobs (and in one case actually given) simply because I am black, but the difference I think he meant is that we have recourse in America. We can take action and depending on how much and how hard we are willing to fight( not how much we willing to complain about how wrong it was) the outcome can be changed. In those places in Africa that’s simply just it, you can not have the job (or most other things that you want )and there is nothing you can do about it.

I think he might have meant that we do not appreciate the fact that as Americans we can do something against something that is negative in our eyes. We do not have to settle for any glass ceiling that is said to be given to use. I know some (reading this right now) scoff and say that you can only go so far and THEY will let you and you’ll NEVER get passed that. I say for THEM that is true. They will only go so far and will only ever achieve so much because they have accepted what someone else has transcribed as their limitations. I think what he meant is that even though America can seem to be all about money, greed, and corruptions is also about opportunity, and choice. You can choose to listen to what THEY tell you and only go as far as THEY will let you or you can take hold of the opportunities available to ALL BY LAW (something very few other countries offer) and at least try to achieve whatever it is that is your own personal American Dream.

©Christopher F. Brown 2009

Friendship and Forgiveness

2009-07-10T19:30:00.001-07:00

* WARRNING: THIS BLOG POST CONTAINS THE NAME JESUS AND TALKS ABOUT OTHER THINGS THAT COULD BE DEAMED “CHRISTIAN” LOL *

Its funny how when God is trying to speak to you and you’re not opening your ears to listen to him he will continue to speak. The other day my I was at my aunts house and I overheard my cousin on the phone speaking to someone about Jesus and church. Without getting into too much detail this cousin is one of the few people that I thought I would never hear mention the name Jesus let alone minister like they were that night. I was a proud of them. On the way home there were two homeless people pushing their carts down the street. It was late at night and there was no other people on the streets, no cars on the road so I could hear their conversation clearly.

“You know I’m so blessed, my brother lost his job and just found out he has cancer, all of are parents and children are gone and he does not know what he’s going to do.”

Just to hear him say that re-awoke something in me (or turned up the volume rather) that I had been ignoring.

I have been mulling over whether or not to let go of someone that I had once called friend. I had been feeling in my heart that I finally had gotten to my last straw with them. I thought over how many times I had been a shoulder for them to cry on, an ear for them to speak to, even offer them a couch when they did not want there own. I then compared that to how many times when I call them and they don't even answer the phone. I contrasted that to when I had no one to turn to and turned to them they showed me their back.

“Who need a friend like that.”

is what I thought. They were (as Madea said) a branch, when I put a little pressure on them they broke.

I had already cut one person I called “Friend” loose because I figured them to be a user. They got what they wanted out of me and from me then like a magic smoke they seemed to forget my name existed. They I deemed a user. This friend I told about themselves and told him how they were not being the type of friend I was to them and how hurt i was because I thought they felt as I did. I thought they understood and was of the like that a friend is a family member that you get to choose yourself. This is the reason why I can count the people I call friend barely on both hands. This is the reason why most of the people that I give that name to have been that for more that 10 years.

This week I listen to God and God told me no. God told me not to cut this person loose because they are my friend. I would never disown a family member so how could I disown a friend. Of course I wrestled with this one. This one friend that I had cut loose and this one that I was going to cut loose were toxic people, they were users; why would god tell me to keep these people in my life when they were brining me down? God gave me the answer.

Like any family member you do whatever you can for that person simply because they are that person, no more no less, so how could you do less for a family member that you yourself chose. “Old friends” are the achievement of being a good person, the achievement of being a person who's spirit is truly blessed and a heart that is truly kind so getting rid of them when they might need you the most is not the way to get them to be “Old friends”. And No matter how many friends you have NONE of them are god and none of them are you.

I already knew that part of friendship is staying in contact and seeing how that person is doing and wanting to know what is going on in that person's life and just showing general concern, but I was expecting these people to WANT to do those things in return and that was my error. You cant make a person WANT to do something if it is not in there heart to want it. The only thing that you can do is what is in YOUR heart to do. I forgot that the only people I that I should ever expect anything out of is myself and God. I forgot that the key to having old friends is treating them like family and that is showing them unconditional love. If you let him God will weed out the people in your life that do not need to be there.

The day may come when these people will call on me to do something for them: maybe listen to their story, let them cry on my shoulder, sleep on my couch, or just sit next to them in their empty house. Its up to me to be available to them because god has directed them to my doorstep for a purpose and it is up to me to let God work out whatever God needs to work out.

I apologized to the one friend I cut loose and if god ever does send the other friend my way again I will ask them for their forgiveness.

The Oxymoron of The Fourth of July.

2009-07-05T18:47:00.001-07:00

In the United States of America the celebration of the fourth of July is a time to celebrate the freedom that as Americans possess. The irony to me is that in most states setting off fireworks without a permit or even possessing most of them (as if they were drugs) is considered illegal. The very thing that is one of the iconic symbols that represents this nations freedom is also contraband.

People attend corporate sponsored events sanctioned by the local governments where one can purchase this and bye that. All the while little children look up in awe at the pretty colors and loud sounds and lovers share hotdogs, sodas, and candy.

When I was a young child everyone in the neighborhood would gather in the alley or at the park on the basketball court and set off bottle rockets, screamers, and what have you. This was what the fourth of July was to me as a child. It was a time when the whole neighborhood gathered and the community came together and had a fun and eventful time. We did not need any local officials telling us what we could and could not do. What was and was not suitable.

The counter argument is of course the perpetual story of some young child blowing off a finger or two playing with M-80’s, or how one fourth of July little somebody got into the “stash” and burned mama’s grandma’s uncle’s or simply “The House” down. I wont do the whole thing and blame it on parenting because even as a child I set off a firecracker in my hand and for those few seconds while my hand hurt and my ears rang (convinced I had gone deaf) I just knew I would be in trouble. I learned my lesson, but I believe that education not total prohibition of most things is a better answer in most cases. When the people want something they tend to find ways to get it. When it is something that could be monitored and regulated and actually bring people together without strife, malice, or discord I just wonder why?

It seems to me a bit Orwellish or something from a Kafka short.

“The celebration of the day that the nation claimed it independence from imperial rule, its freedom from unjust and unfair laws and taxations. The celebration of when those colonial rebels bested the British crown. A celebration in remembrance of the rebel spirit freed this nation and created the term “Americans” but only in the ways the government sees fit, only in the way the government will allow”

As I sat in Jack London square last night watching the bombs burst in the air I questioned (as always) how free are we? How free are we not from Imperial rule but how free are we from capitalistic domination. Where does the line between government protection and corporate control end?

Adding more salt in the wound is that the majority of the fireworks that are used to celebrate and remind us Americans (and the world for that matter) of our freedom comes from a nation that is equally known world wide for its oppressions of its people (China). In recent years China had enjoyed an economic boom and most people that cared to think of it thought that more economic freedom would automatically equate more social freedom for its people. The world assumed incorrectly. With more people in China able to afford laptops and internet service the government asked (told rather) the American internet companies to implement search restricting software in its china based programs. The average Chinese citizen born after 1989 has never even heard of the JUNE 5 1989 (think about that one for a second) democratic protests Tiananmen Square. I know for a fact that by me mentioning that date and those words Chinese search engines will not find this article so just to make sure “Tank Man”

The land of the free in bed (in so many and too many ways for me) with the home of the civilly oppressed. I again wonder is this the nation that those colonial rebels had in mind when they stood their ground against the British crown all those many years ago and said.

“NO!”

A Queen, A King, A Monk, A Host, A Star & An Angel

2009-06-27T16:19:00.001-07:00

June of 2009 has so far been a month of great loss in the entertainment industry and to the world really. The sheer amount of talent that has passed from this world this month will take generations to replace if ever.

The first passing I heard about was of Bea Arthur, even thought this was not in June it was the start for me. This woman oozed more talent from single pore than what most actors and actress of today can even dream of possessing. I believe it might have been the show “Maude” where I first saw her. Incidentally “Maude” spun off the magnificent “Good Times.” (just like all if the family spun off The Jeffersons) Florida (Flo) was Maude’s maid and James had got a “good job” and the also got into the projects. Florida did not have to work anymore. I don’t think James’ name was even James yet; it might have been Frank or something. I think maybe it might have even “Golden Girls” where I first saw her. I know shortly afterwards I came across the old remake of the even older musical “Mame” with Lucile Ball. I remember seeing Bea in that black dress, and that black hat singing and dancing astonished me as I think she did every other gay male born between the 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s.

Just taking a look at her acting credentials alone puts even the bets to shame. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beatrice_Arthur)

Bea Arthur (May 13, 1922 – April 25, 2009) was and actor’s actor and she will be missed.

Cora Walton aka Koko Taylor. She was and probably will remain the undisputed Queen of the Blues earning her crown in a kingdom dominated by men. If you know the blues then I don’t have to go into who this woman was and how much talent this woman graced the world with. Her most recognizable song

“We gone wang dang doodle all night long.”

is merely the tip of a career spanning over 57 years. She produced 17 albums and lived to the age of 81 most of which was spent in the industry.

Koko Taylor (September 28, 1928 – June 3, 2009) you will be missed.

David Carradine. If you were alive in the 70’s or 80’s (or have seen the re-runs) then you know what this man is possibly most identifiable for. The role of the monk Kwai Chang Caine was plaid by him for three years and even a short lived spin off in the mid 90’s. A little known fact is that he owes Bruce Lee thanks for receiving the role of Kwai Chang Caine in Kung Fu. It was around the time that Bruce Lee was cast for the Green Hornet and was shooting another movie that the makers of Kung Fu decided on David. They believed that Bruce would not be able to keep to the scheduled and David / Kwai Chang Caine was born.

The most recent performance that comes to mind was that of Bill in “Kill Bill 1 and 2.” There is still some controversy surrounding his death ranging from a debauched sexual act to the Thai Mafia. Whatever the truth is we may not ever find out or one day just as unexpected as his passing we just might.

David Carradine (December 8, 1936 – June 3, 2009) you will be missed.

We like to think that Angels are immortal; forever beautiful; and beyond reproach just recently we found how mortal one of ours was. Farrah Fawcett was most notably ill Munroe from Charlie’s Angel’s. Like many other attractive actresses she spawned many of pre-adolescent clones in the 70’s. What they could not copy in fashion they did with her signature hair. I would be very negligent if I did not mention her beauty and even though it is somewhat missed on me Ive been told that it was of legend.

Farrah Fawcett (February 2, 1947 – June 25, 2009) you will be missed

What is there that can not be said about this man. He was one part of the most successful late night television show in the history of late night television “the late show with Johnny Carson”. He was the host of the 80’s spectacular (more like spectacle) “Star Search” where if you got all five stars and won the show you would be sure to be forgotten. If you haven to luck up and lose then your career was sure to take off. (Some of the most notable losers were Sin Bad and Rosie O’Donnell.) He was also the spoke person for the publishing clearing sweepstakes in his later years but most will remember him as one of the founding forces in television.

Ed McMahon (March 6, 1923 – June 23, 2009) you will be missed

This one I’m still in a bit of shock over. Michael Jackson “The undisputed KING OF POP” passed away on the 25th of this month and even writing that just does not seem right to me. I feel as if it was something greater than a lie that everyone knows just not to believe but its true Michael Jackson is dead.

I think that I’ll start with 80’s Michael because that’s when I was introduced to him. The first I ever say of him was the “I wanna rock with you” video with him all decked out in sequence. The “off the wall” album was a great success which was only topped by and even greater success, “the bad” with hits like the title track, “billie jean”, and “beat it”. I remember about a week or two after the video to “Beat It” came out all the kids on the playground had these red jackets with random zippers all over the place. I did not have one but of course I wanted one. I think they were like 100 and something bucks and back then (and swiftly catching up now) a 100 and something bucks was a lot of money to spend on a jacket for a child. On a side note Michael Jackson was one (and I might be mistaken but the only) black artist to be played on the new television network MTV.

No one ever thought that opening rift to “Beat It” would ever be topped and then it happened. Michael Jackson introduced the world to “Thriller.” The album defined what and album was by obtaining (and still remains to this day) the number one selling album of all time. The video basically set the standard for what a music video should be from then on out. I could go on and on about the creator of the moon walk. I could rave about The “Remember the time” video. I even tell you all how Wesley Snipes was the antagonist in the “Bad” video but it still does not all seem real to me.

I know that there will be a tremendous amount of haters saying that they are happy he is gone sighting the alleged child molesting accusations or his executrices. Combating them I will not do here because that would add another page and the man is dead. This man shone it this world and did so many things that no other had and probably never will. The man named Michael Jackson gave his life to the public and his fans since the age of 7. He spent 43 years in the industry and the majority of that was always at the top. Michael Jackson was a bright and blazing star amongst the stars.

Michael Jackson (August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009 ) (wow its really real) you will be greatly missed.

Allergy Season (still)

2009-06-23T16:48:00.001-07:00

Itchy red watery eyes; congested and runny nose, does this sound like you? Then you know what I have been enduring for the past few weeks. Sinuses, Hay fever, whatever your name it all comes down to Allergies.

Allergies have ruined many of date and a few interviews for me. Most of the medications I’ve use to counteract the symptoms of the body’s various histamine reactions have in some cases caused worse side effects than the allergy itself. There is a medication (which shall remain nameless) that I once used to decongest my nose. It not only opened the floodgates releasing the mucus from my nose but also set free some blood as well.

The reason I am writing this now (June 23, 2009) is because I’m still suffering. One of the many reasons I love summer is because it is an end to allergy season. It is the joyful bliss of cool lemon (or kool) aid in the hot sun. Watching my caramel complexion turn a deeper, richer brown. The start of this “summer” (if it can be call that) I have been afflicted with my condition from a season ago. My head has been so filled with so much mucus that I feel the inside of my nose to the end of my ear throbbing and pounding with pressure. I sneeze thinking that it will bring relief only for it to increase the pressure without the macabre blessing of my head exploding.

Why then? For what reason am I and others like myself still in suffering? The meteorologists said something of the short start and stop rains along with the short start and stop heat spells that we had through out our technical spring confused the trees and plants. They said that the trees and plants started releasing their pollen then there were hot days coupled with cold overcastted fogy days so the plats and trees stopped, but they started up again this month because of the heat and blah blah blah.

“Tis the season.” The trees are saying to one another, only it is a season too late.

The tree and grass pollen mixed with dust is my blight. It is no fun enjoying a nice cloud free day with a slight breeze only to have it halted when your eyes turn red, then began to water uncontrollable, and finally just swell shut. It is no fun trying to enjoy ice cream not because it complements the summer’s sweet warmth, but because your throat has become sore from breathing hot dry air. The sting and the bite on your esophagus makes swallowing anything other than hot or cold (but nothing temperate) hardly sufferable. All because your nose can no longer serve it’s designated purpose.

I would like to blame global warming and I’m pretty sure if I looked hard enough I could find enough evidence much more than exculpatory to support my claims.(I noticed yesterday is was 8:30pm and the sun was still very high in the sky and a good 75 degrees out. I only say this because as I remember it goes

“fall forward and spring back”

so we are a good ways from any day light savings adjustments.) I could blame the genetics that made me more suited to dry arid climates with no trees and little vegetation. Whatever the blame may be in truth, whatever the ultimate cause I just continue to pray that it all ends soon.

Meanwhile I and the hundreds of thousands like myself will continue to haunt the medicine isle of Walgreens, Longs, and Safeways, and blight the uncomfortable chairs at the pharmacy waiting rooms with tissues and rags in hand. We will wait with the hope that soon the running noses will stop. The Itchy red watery eyes will clear; and the congested ears and nose swill open, and then we can blissfully enjoy what is left of the summer.

Technological Withdrawal

2009-06-16T12:21:00.001-07:00

It has been a few days now since I have been without television. Truly it is not that big of a deal to me, but the internet signal that I was using (~~pirating)~~ has also been shut off and that is where the difficulty arises. I never really watched TV to any great expanse (due to the fact that I did not have cable, and the only channels that did come in clearly were channel 9 (PBS) and channel 7. (I don't know what station that is. I think maybe ABC)

I was one of the many people who claim not to watch television all that much and if I did it was only background noise which was true. It was true because the one eyed goddess that summoned me was ye ole internet. With her is were I would spend the hours and hours on end feasting upon her hypnotic sustenance. With lady internet I delighted in everything that could be imagined and cast aside television. When the desire for television did flash in the background of my mind lady internet provided that as well. I never need to leave her embrace.

When the people whose signal I was using decided not to pay their bill; well that left me in my current rut of no television and no internet at home. I of course have Peet’s cafe with their free internet access, but them closing at 8pm leaves me with huge hunk of time to myself at home. I read of course, and I love to read so I’m not some Oprah experiment pulling my hair out panicking because I am left without technology at home. I also have my DVD’s (which most i have watched twice over now) so the new question now arises.

“Do I buy a converter box"?”

I haven't brought one yet because I don't have the money, and the coupons I had expired. With all the books that I have; all the writing that I plan on doing and need to get done I am asking myself.

“Is it worth it?”

I started back knitting again. (and i remember the reason why I stopped) Knitting was something that I learned because I had lost my glasses and could not read any of my books plus at that time and the TV was out so I needed something to do. It is very boring and monotonous but the results are satisfying. I have a batch of soap setting (another hobby i picked up) and this give me time to finally put out the last and final edit of my book. So then why do i still want to go home and turn on the television if not just to hear it. Could it be that it is a drug that my brain and body has become accustom too? I feel like I'm suffering from “cold turkey syndrome”. Most addiction specialist will tell you now if you’re on multiple drugs don't try to quit them all at once. You are to slowly wean yourself off of them one at a time if you can.

I'm going through technological withdrawal.

I guess this is a good thing.

What is that and why is it in my gum?

2009-06-15T19:51:00.001-07:00

I was about to chew one a piece of this (which is quite good) when by chance I flipped the package over. If you look at the list of ingredients you see that there is one highlighted. You are probably asking yourself like I did

“What is ‘Phenylalanine’ and why is it highlighted?”

Here is what i found out.

Phenylalanine is an essential amino acid (building block for proteins in the body). It is essential to human health but cannot be manufactured by the body. For this reason, phenylalanine must be obtained from food. It is available in three chemical forms, including L-phenylalanine (the natural form of phenylalanine found in proteins throughout the body), D-phenylalanine (a mirror image of L-phenylalanine that is synthesized in a laboratory), and DL-phenylalanine, a combination of the previous two forms

http://www.umm.edu/altmed/articles/phenylalanine-000318.htm

Ok so no problem right, but why is it in my gum?

L-phenylalanine is found in most foods that contain protein such as beef, poultry, pork, fish, milk, yogurt, eggs, cheese, soy products (including soy protein isolate, soybean flour, and tofu), and certain nuts and seeds. The artificial sweetener aspartame is also high in phenylalanine.

http://www.umm.edu/altmed/articles/phenylalanine-000318.htm

This explains why it is my gum but of course why the need to highlight it and bold it? More research and this is what I found

a rare metabolic disorder called phenylketonuria (PKU) occurs in people who are missing an enzyme that is needed to properly metabolize phenylalanine, causing high levels of phenylalanine in the body. Symptoms of PKU, which tend to appear between 3 and 6 months of age, include eczema, developmental delay, an abnormally small head, and hyperactivity. If it is not treated before 3 weeks of age, PKU can cause severe, irreversible mental retardation. In the United States, newborns are tested for PKU during the first 48 - 72 hours of life.

People with PKU must eat a phenylalanine-restricted, tyrosine-supplemented diet to have optimum brain development and growth. Rarely, over-restriction of phenylalanine in the diet can lead to deficiency of this amino acid, with the same symptoms described above

People with phenylketonuria (PKU) and women who are lactating or are pregnant should not take phenylalanine supplements. Aspartame, found in artificial sweeteners such as Nutrasweet, is a source of phenylalanine for the body. Therefore, the use of aspartame is not recommended in individuals with PKU. Little is known about the use of aspartame during pregnancy. Talk with your health care provider about using this artificial sweetener.

DL-phenylalanine should not be used in individuals diagnosed with schizophrenia, as it may cause symptoms of tardive dyskinesia. Tardive dyskinesias (TDs) are involuntary movements of the tongue, lips, face, trunk, and extremities that generally occur in patients treated with long-term antipsychotic drug use.

DL-phenylalanine may cause symptoms of anxiety, jitteriness, and hyperactivity in children. Children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) may need to avoid foods containing aspartame, which is made from phenylalanine.

Doses in excess of 5,000 mg a day may be toxic and can cause nerve damage. High quantities of DL-phenylalanine may cause mild side effects such as nausea, heartburn, and headaches.

http://www.umm.edu/altmed/articles/phenylalanine-000318.htm

“OH SHIT! WHAT THE HELL IS IN MY GUM?”

That is were I was left after reading that. I knew that I did not have this “PKU disorder” so I know that I’m ok in that order and even though I’ve been jokingly told that I have ADD I haven't the papers so I’m cool on that front. All in all this did no seem to be that bad but me being me I did more research and I came across this web site http://sweetpoison.com/ How much of this information is true or just scare tactic used to sell her book i’ll let you all be the judge of. I did not post any of her research because frankly it looked a little “ify” to me but none the less it is there your you too check out and look through.

Is it safe for me? I guess so (according to the lady in the sweetpoison.com website hell now) but just knowing that there is something that has the potential to be so harmful in something so everyday, something so harmless has put me off. The information is out there for you to make the decision for yourself but for me I think that I will pass just to be on the safe side. I thought you all should know too.

Juneteeth in Berkeley

2009-06-15T17:20:00.001-07:00

First lets start with al little history of what “Juneteenth” really is or was.

“Though the Emancipation Proclamation had been issued on September 22, 1862, with an effective date of January 1, 1863, it had minimal immediate effect on most slaves’ day-to-day lives, particularly in Texas, which was almost entirely under Confederate control. Juneteenth commemorates June 19, 1865, the day Union General Gordon Granger and 2,000 federal troops arrived in Galveston, Texas, to take possession of the state and enforce the emancipation of its slaves. Legend has it while standing on the balcony of Galveston’s Ashton Villa, Granger read the contents of “General Order No. 3”:

The people of Texas are informed that, in accordance with a proclamation from the Executive of the United States, all slaves are free. This involves an absolute equality of personal rights and rights of property between former masters and slaves, and the connection heretofore existing between them becomes that between employer and hired labor. The freedmen are advised to remain quietly at their present homes and work for wages. They are informed that they will not be allowed to collect at military posts and that they will not be supported in idleness either there or elsewhere.^[10]

That day has since become known as Juneteenth, a name derived from a portmanteau of the words June and nineteenth.

Former slaves in Galveston rejoiced in the streets with jubilant celebrations. Juneteenth celebrations began in Texas the following year.^[10] Across many parts of Texas, freed people pooled their funds to purchase land specifically for their communities’ increasingly large Juneteenth gatherings — including Houston’s Emancipation Park, Mexia’s Booker T. Washington Park, and Emancipation Park in Austin.^[10] Juneteenth celebrations include a wide range of festivities, such as parades, street fairs, cookouts, or park parties and include such things as music and dancing or even contests of physical strength and intellect. Baseball and other popular American games may also be played.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juneteenth)

The celebration of this event in history was not and is not limited to Texas; for as long as I could remember this was always one of the summer celebrations that was held in the bay area, along with the dearly departed “Festival at the Lake” and many others.

This years celebration was a happy reintroduction due to its absences last year. There were many booths selling Barack and Michelle Obama T-shirts, Barack and Michelle Obama refrigerator magnets, and to my surprise; something I haven't seen before, Barack and Michelle Obama themed watches with big faces and rhinestones made to look like diamonds. The majority of the vendors were food vendors which was a good thing, unlike other open air festivals were you only have one section of food vendors and there are one or two vendors, creating a line that is insufferable. You could actually walk up and get food and be on your way.

This I say if you were able to find a park. I went with my mother and my little nephew and we made the mistake of driving. I think; no, I know that if we had have parked at the Bart station, took Bart and walked, we would have made better time than the 45 minuets we spent driving around a 5 block radius looking for a park.

Upon arrival we were greeted to the sounds of one of the De’Barge brothers singing a few of his brother’s (El’s) not so old stand by’s. Which De’Barge this was I do not know but he tried his best to belt out his brother’s hits. I gave him credit because I think there were tremendous sound problems. The mic cut in and out every 3 or so minuets and I saw someone intermittently adjusting his mic while he was singing, but he gave it a valiant effort. My mother on the other said that the De’Barge brother just did not know the words.

The overwhelming amount of security and police I felt was not necessary. This to me sends out and re-enforces the stereotype that black people can not gather together in large groups without there being any problems. I can see the devils advocate reasoning behind it stating that better to be safe than sorry, but the four or five cop/security mixture posted at every block end I think might have cost the event promoters more than what was needed. That however is something for the planning committee to take up and review next year.

It was a cool and fun event and carried me back to summer days as a child in the Bay Area. Every summer there was something going on. There was an event being held every two or three days if not then every weekend. In 2009 one can count on the Ashby flee market every weekend (weather permitting). There is also the Art and Soul festival this years will be August 15 & 16 (according to the website http://www.artandsouloakland.com/) instead of Labor Day weekend.

I love outdoor, summer time events. The sun on my skin, the music in the air, the people smiling and laughing, dancing and singing to their own tune. (Even though, sometimes it is not in tune with the one playing over the speakers.) Say what you will about public gatherings and outdoor events but I do believe that they are the stuff that is life blood to thriving communities. The life blood to a happy soul. (which is why I always take prospects to the flea market at least once very early one if not the second or third date. If you cant stand the flea market then I know that there is a 90% chance we wont work out, but that is another topic) People enjoying the sun and heat at a block party or some sponsored event is one of the things that makes summer my favorite season. In winter you are stuck inside, trying to escape cold and rain. The spring time for me was never fun: it was not hot enough, there was always a chance of rain, and on top of it all my allergies would configure my face to resemble a plague victim. Then there is summer. Summer you have just the right amount of hot to have that BBQ craving gene kick in. Summer is when people shed the unnecessary garments of constraint and just have fun. They have fun with their neighbors, family, and good ole fashion friends. Summertime is the time for letting go, relaxing and exhaling a sigh of relief. The relief that hardships are over for now and one can enjoy a time of ease or even just to forget. In the summer one can easily wake up and greet the sun with a smile and know that today is a day that the sun is smiling back

I AM NOT INVISIBLE

2009-05-26T11:54:00.000-07:00

Very early this morning California's supreme court decided to up hold inequality. The highest court in the land ruled that equality for all does not include same sex couples and held that Prop (Ha +)8 was valid. Leaving for a moment the precedent this sets (the majority group and create laws that take away rights from groups of minorities and the court will up hold them.) and going to what this really means.

It means that in the state of California I'm a second class citizen, but im expected to pay state income taxes as if i where not.

This should be more that a wake up call people. I think its time that we show California that without OUR money this state would be in more trouble than it is.

We spend more money than anyone on "luxury" items in this state and we pay our taxes just like everyone else, but unlike everyone else we still are not granted the SAME (NOT ABOVE AND BEYOND BUT THE SAME) protections under the law.

PEOPLE WAKE UP

and remember your history. Its started with gays and lesbians, then came gypsies, then it was the jews. Do we need to even get that far before we SHOW OUR GOVERNMENT, THE PEOPLE THAT WORK FOR US that this is wrong, dead wrong.

If you have a job in this rough economy get together with your fellow LBGT coworkers and call in (or out) gay.

With pride just around the corner i wonder what would the economies of SF, LA, and San Diego do if ALL THAT MONEY BROUGHT IN FROM PRIDES were to disappear?

This is BS people and something truly needs to be done

My Grandmother

2009-04-05T13:54:00.000-07:00

I don’t know too much about where you came from but I do know something about who you were.

You were the woman who raised eight children to be strong. You raised them to be stronger than any other person that I have every encountered in my life. You instilled in them not just strength of muscle but strength of mind; the strength to stand fast to their convictions when others give way to doubt and fear. You gave them the strength of heart to love unconditionally without limits and with reason enough to walk away without closing the door.

You were the woman who raised eight children to be independent. You raised them to follow their dreams and their own voice even when it seemed like it was being drowned out by everyone else’s.

You, my grandmother, kept alive in your children practicality and resourcefulness. Where others saw junk and nothing you saw value more than sentiment. That goes for people too. What was once worthless you gave worth once more. Your sons and daughters however much they might deny it are you; each one of them in possession of a different part of your personality; a different part of you. My grandmother lived what she knew and taught to whoever would listen. I remember joking and laughing as a child at some of the home made remedies she used on me and told me. A humongous spoon full of mustard and eucalyptus tea to clear out the mucus in my chest a normal prescription for her asthmatic grandchild. I later discovered that they are more sound than the medicines I was taught in school to be “modern” and “advanced”. Only latter did some of the same modern medicines get pulled off the shelves. While what you taught me still remains.

In your own way you could bring your children, my family, together and keep them together focused and united.

You were my grandmother.

I and the rest of my family will miss you

Resolution

2009-03-26T18:12:00.000-07:00

Some of you may have known this in the years of knowing me, Some of you may have found this out on the news, but for the past Seven years my grandmother has been missing. She disappeared right before Christmas 2002. My family and I took this loss very hard and some family bonds have been especially strained because of that loss. We searched and searched but to no avail. My aunt even went as far as to go to most of the local news stations and ask them to help in the search. The television stations had promised her air time but the day before they were going to run the story all of the stations bumped the story. A pregnant woman by the name of Lacy Peterson had gone missing, ( this is in no way meant to disrespect to the Peterson family and friends). We found out that a missing young pregnant woman pulled in higher viewer ratings than a missing elderly black woman.

We continued to search and search still there were no leads. The open wounds and confusion did not ever go away but slowly we moved on and passed them.

Yesterday afternoon while I was spending time with my mother, sister, and nephew my aunt called us with the horrible news that she had found my grandmother's remains inside of the her house.

My grandmother was an extreme pack rat, she collected any and everything and for years we begged and pleaded with her to get rid of some of her things but she never did. She did not throw anything away and when she did it was a battle to get her to do so. Over the course of years after her disaperance my family took it upon themselves to don the task of cleaning out her house. When we first entered the house after her I was told that there were boxes and bags to the ceiling, and that was after boxes and bags were cleared away to even get in the door. This might have been why none of us or the police ever found her over the years.

My Grandmother was also a very handy, and self-reliant woman. She taught me ( my mother, aunts, uncles,) how to make many home made products( soap, lotion, shaving cream e.c.t.) like she did in her youth.

These past few days have been very trying and tough and I thank everyone whom has showed their concern. I also Thank KTVU news (channel 2) for doing a wonderful job in reporting the TRUE story of my grandmother and thank you Virgina Taylor for your kind words. I'm really ashamed of the story that KPIX news (channel 5) reported that made my grandmother out to be some blight upon the neighborhood and talking to that woman who wanted to keep identity secret, whom did not even know my grandmother and told all those horrible lies about her.

Again thank you to all of my friends that have shown concern. Thank you for your prayers and I ask you all to keep praying for me and my family.

thank you

Chris

The Portable Jung

2009-03-12T15:40:00.000-07:00

The first thing that I will say is that this is an amazing book. This is well worth the trip down to the local bookstore; finding the Psychology section; searching through what is really "self-help" (late night crapola that has become popular) to find this gem. If you're like most people then you'll probably go to amazon or some other place so I will save you the trouble and post the link.

http://www.amazon.com/Portable-Jung-Viking-Library/dp/0140150706

Now to the book.

Edited by Joseph Campbell ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Campbell) and translated by R.F.C. Hull this collection of works (which I've found to be very extensive but by far just the tip of the proverbial iceberg) is humbly life changing.

It took me a bit longer to finish this book than what I thought mainly because I underestimated how much I would love this book. I underestimated how much that I would want to dissect and ponder line by line, page by page of the shear soundness of the logic, reason, and thought that this book revealed. Also, throwing it in the back pack and forgetting it; reading on lunch breaks, the Bart, bus, and before sleep and not being diligent for an hour a day like I normally am added a few weeks.
This tome opens with his "Stages of Life" which discusses the stages of psychological development (and problems there of) as a person ages. The child state or "the unbearable age" which is marked by birth and roughly through puberty where it is said that one said to be govern by "instinct" rather than conscience. The next state roughly is from puberty to mid life where he explains the the development of "self" and the desire for one to gain achievement, social standing, family, friends, religion. Then the last stage where he discuses logically and insightfully the latter part of life. He explains how and why some people become rigid, unwilling to embrace anything "new" and or "different" to the other extreme of rejecting the "old way" or "mid life crisis". The riding of what has worked in the past to embrace any idea that is new and different.

The next work is "The Structure of the Psyche". Here we are introduced to one of the most famous and ground breaking ideas in modern psychological thought "Collective Unconscious"

The collective unconscious so far as we can say anything about it at all appears to consist of mythological motifs or primordial images, for which reason the myths of all nations are its real exponents. In fact, the whole of mythology could be taken as a sort of projection of the collective unconscious.

C. G. Jung

This idea in its time not only revolutionized the world of psychology but the world in general. The idea that all people no matter what or where are connected not just by the mere physically form of the human being but in some way the human mind is also connected to all other human minds. This idea still sends chills down some spines while being disregarded at the same time. If we fast forward to chapter 4 "The Concept of the Collective Unconscious" Jung goes more in dept in his explanation of his idea and introduces the archetypal factors of collective unconscious.

If we fast forward another 4 chapters we get to what Jung is probably most famous for "Psychological Types". Here he introduces the "Introvert" and the "Extraverted" types. Which again has been so revolutionary they remain a part of our lexicon and are halfway understood by most people today. I challenge anyone to fill out an survey online (for fun or for work) and not see the question

Are you more introverted or extraverted?

A word of cation; when reading understand (and it is said at the end of the chapter) most people are a mixture of both and most people gravitate slightly more to one or the other. So don't freak out if you see yourself in one of these types because he does get down and dirty in explaining the failings of both. The problem arises when one is so extreme that one is strictly one or the other. Again that is likely not to happen but, compared to modern psychological studies you see how one can easily fall in OCD patterns or bouts of exhibitionism. This chapter was one of my favorites in the whole book I read it twice which again added to the time.

Going back a few chapters to 6 "Aion: Phenomenology of Self" I think is another one of the pillars that modern psychology is based upon. If your a dork like me you will absolutely love every single word and eventually end up highlighting every page of this chapter.

Part 2 of the book was however a tad bit disappointing. The fervor that worked you into fanatic fascination in part one was brought to a mild hum in part two. "The Transcendent function" I found agreeable and a natural fulfillment of chapters 3, 4, 5, and 6. I disagree with his stand point in "Relation of Analytical Psychology to Poetry.

Art by its very nature is not science, and science by its very nature is not art; both these spheres of the mind have something in reserve that is peculiar to them and can be explained only in its own terms. Hence when we speak of the relation of psychology to art, we shall treat only of that aspect of art which can be submitted to psychological scrutiny without violation its nature. Whatever the psychologist has to say about art will be confined to the process of artistic creation and has noting to do with its innermost essence. He can no more explain this than the intellect can describe or even understand the nature of feeling

C.G. Jung

I agree and disagree with this statement. While it is true that we should not go out and arrest Steve King or Hideo Yamamoto based on the content of their artistic expression any good criminal psychologist will tell you that the truly insane and the truly disturbed killers, rapists, and what have you see their destruction as art. Take Manson for example. The difference is that while writers and artist can freely write, draw, and or paint about killing, raping and pillaging, the fact that they do not act on the idea separates the criminal malfunction from artistic expression.

Chapter 12 "The Spiritual Problem of Modern Man" I found to be the saving grace of part two of the book

It must be clearly understood that the mere fact of living in the present does not make a man modern, for in that case everyone at the present alive would be so. He alone is modern who is fully conscious of the present.

C. G. Jung

I think that if this had been written today it might be categorized in the dreaded "self help" section rather than its rightful place of psychology. This was a reminder to me that some of these men that come on late night television and public broadcasting networks and spout out ideas (however watered down they may be) are really saying things that ancient people like Lou Tzu and modern people like C.G. Jung have said time and time again. Only they have re-worded/written them to sound as if it was their own shiny new thing.

Part three was a true let down. "Synchronicity" I feel should have been more expansive and his "Answer to Job" would have been better left out as I felt it took away from the other works.

To sum it all up if your a dork like me and you like psychological works and think that Freud was a complete idiot you will absolutely love Jung and this book. Stay away from part three and as a homosexual man I found chapter 7 "Marriage as a Psychological Relationship" and his views on homosexuality very interesting and understandable (but not excusable) for a man of his time. Get two copies of this book so after you have highlighted, dogeared, tagged, and folded the first one you still have one that you can read over and over again.

No F#$%# cussing week

2009-03-02T15:57:00.000-08:00

This is the deal. No $@$% cussing for a @$%%$# week. This seems pretty harmless but, is it?

MaKay Hatch teenager from South Pasadena started this no cussing club The NCC (hmm I wonder if the FCC will give this kid a job in the future) in 2007 and it is fast becoming a Juggernaut. I can partially understand the allure of such and institution for the teenage mind. Not being “one of them” and being “one of us” is lets face it what most peoples teenage experience is all about. The need and desire to “fit in” is just as great a pull as the desire to “stick out” and rebel. In highschool (and in college) most had their cliques whether it be jocks, stoners, Goths (showing my age, they are called the “EMO” kids now) and yes even the loners.

Studies have been done that say the “highschool” structure as we know it in America does very little for actual education and more for social development. (honestly there were so many articles that I’m just going to post one of the googel search links http://www.google.com/search?num=100&hl=en&safe=off&rlz=1B2RNFA_enUS309US309&pwst=1&ei=9VysSejWK5KWsQOIj73RBA&sa=X&oi=spell&resnum=0&ct=result&cd=1&q=high+school+education+vs+social+development&spell=1)

Here we have a group that is priding itself on conformity, control of self and others rather than freedom of expression (that sound familiar) In the groups oath one of its lines states

“Clean language is the sign of intelligence and always demands respect.” (http://www.nocussing.com/aboutncc/thenocussingchallenge.html)

While this might have been true in some Victorian or Judeo Christian era how true is this today? Some of our “intellectuals” such as Mark Twain and Percy Bysshe Shelley professed their feeling of the so called foul sentiments (http://www.quotesdaddy.com/quote/1040204/mark-twain/under-certain-circumstances-profanity-provides-a-relief) now if we were to agree with this edict of the NCC logic tells us that this young man of 19 years now is wiser and more experienced and expert on the recognition of mental prowess then the two mention above. Having never met the young man I can not argue for nor against this but I would have to say it is highly unlikely. What goes deeper is that fact that a major “American” city has recognized these sentiments worthy for all of its citizens (at least for a week that is) and that is where I have a problem.

This is AMERICA not some socialist or communistic country where the tools of the populous control go as deeply as to try and (intentionally) control the thought of its citizens. The NCC recognizes as anyone that pops open a psychology book or magazine does that to some extent a person using words of their own free will can in a small way show a portion of their personality and even a smaller portion of their mind. Where as a psychologist will tell you that a persons words and speech only reflects their regional environment and choice of expression (not intelligence) (http://www.pbs.org/speak/) the NCC says

“Your words become your thoughts.
Your thoughts become your behavior.
Your behavior becomes your character.
Your character becomes your destiny.”

http://www.nocussing.com/aboutncc/thenocussingchallenge.html

It is very disheartening to think about institutionalized control that in my mind harkens back to the methods used to enslave the minds of slaves stating that the first thing to do is take away the slaves native language. When unable to communicate with his/her native people the slave has no choice but to listen to the slave owner. When this is established the slave will use the words that the slave owner tells him/her to use because he/she has no other words to use. When the control of language is established then the control of though follows because of the fact that now the slave has to think about what he/she says before he/she says it. If then you have control of thought you then gain control of behavior. If the slave has to think about what he/she is saying is or is not proper then he/she will have to think about if his/her behavior is proper and instead of seeking this chastisement from with-in self he/she seeks it from the slave owner there by effectively enslaving the mind

This is America. While I would not want anyone cursing and using foul language around my four year old nephew; the very FIRST amendment to this nation’s constitution gives me and everyone else that right and that choice (http://www.law.cornell.edu/constitution/constitution.billofrights.html). While Mr. Hatch and his NCC, FCC (this kid so has a job in the future) and others around this nation might have a problem with words like

Fuck

Shit

Damn

Ass

Or any others that are on a short list (http://www.lyricsbox.com/george-carlin-lyrics-the-seven-words-you-can-never-say-on-tv-268qwb7.html) we are given the right (first by god or gods, or the universe whatever you want to call it. I all it “inalienable” then recognized by man) to choose to say them or not. If this campaign continues its mission according to Mr. Hatch will be to take this world wide (http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gZMJ7UTfpn7aWJwv5leLqIt6oIFQD96LEN080) a lofty goal but who are we (America or any one individual for that matter) to tell anyone what they should and should not say? That is a mater so personal and so private to me (and apparently to the founding fathers of this nation) it is just like telling someone to whom they can and can not pray to and what they can or can not pray about or even if they are allowed to pray at all.

This is not a full blown outrage but this does raise a lot of concern for me. We in America like the saying

“out of the mouths of babe’s” and

“A child shall lead the way.” But where is this child leading us? The way that I see it this child is leading us astray from our core values as American citizens with the RIGHT to freely express HOWEVER we may feel at a given time under the guise of pseudo intellectualism and the promises of being apart of the “group” at the sacrifice personal rights and freedoms and even ourselves.

http://www.maniacworld.com/f-81.htm (content warning but very funny)

C'est la vie San Francisco Chronicle.

2009-02-25T05:42:00.000-08:00

On January 16 the San Francisco Chronicle turned 144 years old. Today; only a month and a week later talks of selling or a possible shutting down of the institution have been made public.

(http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090225/bs_nm/us_hearst_sanfranciscochron)

I can not say that I was an avid reader of the Sf Chronicle but I am sad to see it disappear. In these uncertain and unforgiving times were long established traditions and institutions are looked upon for guidance; to see them tossed away or buckle under the weight of their own inflated importance (and in most cases arrogance) does cause one to question (if maybe only in the quiet and private recesses of the mind) the order of things which one has come to know.

With such one time or sometime contributors to The San Francisco Chronicle like Mark Twain and Bret Harte one would again reason that not seeing in on laying on a BART train seat or the man in front of K-mart soliciting you to purchase a year subscription is very unfathomable.

As a little boy growing up in Oakland. I would pass the Oakland tribune building and look upon the old style of the structure and its green pyramid top and take notice of how different it was from the rest of down town. When I was older and did decide to become a patron of the many printed words and letters I felt a true disdain for what I found to be a lax in the average Oaklander (or bay area for that matter) point of view. My mother and I would some time would play a game and see how many spelling and or editing errors we could find in a single article and by the year 2000 well lets just say that we both canceled or subscriptions. (Saying that I realize I open myself up to the fullest of scrutiny and the label of hypocrisy. I will answer that now by saying I am not "paid" to write any articles and everything I write is of my own free will and time. When one is "paid" to do a job the level of quality should match such.)

I then turned across the bay to the Chronicle. I did find that its views did (at one time but no longer) seem to echo mine. Also, reading it was not some laborious Sisyphean task that made me break out my grammar book to see if I or this nationally syndicated thing was wrong in its usage of the English language. That too did get put to rest when I purchased my first computer and then my first cell phone. There was no need to "buy" the news when it was readily available and more often than not up-to-date. It was (back then) the way of the future. You could get the latest, more accurate, and even differentiating views at the push of a button or click of a mouse. This I believe was one of the biggest steaks to be driven into the heart of all newspapers everywhere. Once back when "The Paper" was thee only source of local and international information people could not even think of a day when it would not be such. With the on set of the twentieth century The Chronicle had already survived and reported on major events such earthquakes, fires, stock market crashes and the changing from nineteenth to twentieth . Now, this time, almost ten short years after reporting (yet again) earthquakes, fires, stock market crashes, and the changing of twenty to twenty one the Chronicle might have to take its final bow.

"The way of the future" as the ancient saying goes. The average person probably does not even have the time to sit down and read a full an entire news paper anymore when they can read the two paragraph blurb while checking their e-mail. The classifieds are of little use when there is Craigslist, monster, hotjob, and e-bay (lest we forget amazon). The business section is said to be out of date the minuet it is printed just by the ever quicken nature of its name sake. Even the comic section does not print the classics of childhood nor the interesting quirks of today (we have you tube for that).

So farewell SF Chronicle you will be missed but nothing not even the mountains and the sea last forever. The things of old must make way for the things that are new so, "C'est la vie".

A five star episode. Law & Order SVU

2009-02-17T23:09:00.000-08:00

WOW what an episode. I know some will say that I have a bias in my rating of this episode but I give it five stars anyway.

Normally Television does not move me to write about it as I am doing right now but this was such and episode that the writers and the actors need some accolade (even if it is from little ole me lol). Tonight's episode of Law & Order SVU was entitled " Transitions";

http://www.nbc.com/Law_and_Order_Special_Victims_Unit/

the short of it: a prepubescent boy transitioning to a girl and his fathers attempt to stop it who is subsequently attacked outside a strip club.

I somewhat take a little bit of pride in being able to figure shows like "Law & Order", "Without a trace", and " Cold case" out rather quickly because lets face it if you apply logic to the fact that this is a story; a work of fiction from a team of writer then it apply a tad bit of psychology to the mix it all unfolds before your eyes the way you thought it might. I normally figure it out before when the episode is in its mid way point as well (which is when they try and do something to throw you off your original theory). Tonight's episode however was a shining example of writing and acting at its pinnacle. My original theory was that the boy (who was on her way to being a young woman) had something to do with the attack on her father because of obvious reasons. I though that she would not have attacked the father directly but maybe an over sensitive, over zelous boyfriend may have done the act in an attempt to prove his valor .

The episode unfolds and sure enough there was a love interest but it was very unrequited (and the only unrealistic part I would say). The young boy transitioning to a young woman heart lay with a bit older woman transitioning to a bit older man. Being a gay man myself and knowing a few people going threw (or have gone threw the process) this seems highly unlikely (however I have met a guy who is transitioning to a woman whom identifies himself as a lesbian. I KNOW but that's another topic.) Time is swiftly winding down and my original theory seems not to be panning out so I've become very intrigued to see whom the actual culprit is when the schools guidance counselor tips her hat (and in retrospect I do now believe that hindsight is always 20/2o). She in one of her sessions with the young girl said to her that her father was a low life for always being at strip clubs. This was a fact that ONLY the police and the father knew so bamb the killer. They posse up to confront the rampaging school worker and sure enough she readily hands over the bloody jacket(a key missing peice of evidence). This is when I turn my head and scratch it not because the facts did not add up but the "why" the "motive" did not make any sense.

As a school counselor realistically she would have had children coming to her that would have been experiencing wide range of things like, rape, gang violence, incest, drug addiction, why was this young boy entering womanhood so special (not mentally paying attention to the show the woman playing the D.A. was asking the same questions while the school counselor was on the witness stand). That is when the bomb (and how mad I was for not seeing how predictable it was) drops and the school counselor reveals tearfully that she had once been a man as well. During "her" time as a man a person had to spend at least 3 years as the opposite (inner) sex before a doctor would consider surgery and there were no pills to take only duct tape and padding. "She" then reviled that she was mutilated in a back alleyway there by revealing the true motive for her actions. Like I said WOW.

Every now and then they slip one in that goes above the normal writing bar and it throws me of leaving me astounded and when they throw in a message as well I become fully impressed; kudos. In hindsight I should have (and maybe my bias as a gay man and transgender friendly prevented me) seen that when the guidance counselor kept covering for the young woman after throwing books at teachers and many fights in school and NOT being expelled that something was up with her. This was an amazing episode and very well acted Kudos to the writers and actors of this episode; you got me.

A day in the life of an "inquisitive" aunt

2009-02-17T15:47:00.000-08:00

This little event in history might seem inconsequential but it has shown me a pattern about AT&T and well I had to put it out there. It starts way back on January 28, 2009 my aunt (the nosy one whom I will now call inquisitive) was evicted from her home because her landlord (like so many other people around California and the nation) had the property foreclosed upon. At that point she had service with AT&T for about a week (the whole package deal: internet, cable, and all) On that day I stood there and watched her call AT&T and tell them to switch service to next door (my place) and here my friends is where the story begins.

My aunt was told by AT&T that someone would come out between 8-10 am on February (Friday) 13 and just switch the service over. The date came and at 9am a man was next door knocking at the door. The walls of this old house are not thin so I don't know how we heard the man knocking upstairs next door at my aunts old apartment; maybe I was already on the cusp of awakening. My aunt and I tell the man that he has the old address and that he is looking for here. The poor man looks at his paperwork and makes the mistake of telling my aunt that on his paper work it says that he is to install everything at her old address (poor guy). My aunt flips her lid and unleashes hell asking the man "what the hell was his problem?" and "can you idiots not get simple numbers right?” I had to come to the mans rescue; you could see in his shirking eyes (and stature) that he clearly had no idea what was going on. I told my aunt that it was not his fault that he is just an installer and only following orders to which he quickly nodded his head in agreement. I told the man to call his office and explain to them what was going on and we can go from there. This seemed to appease my aunt and gave the man back a few inches.

Ten minuets latter the man comes back with his supervisor on the phone and he explains to me (notice not to my aunt lol) that there had been some mix up. There had been an order to "install" service at her old address next door over again and there was no mention of setting up service at the new address. I tell the man to go and I would inform my aunt (It was safer that way). My aunt flipped her lid again but this time there was not poor installation man for her to spew her wrath upon. She calms down calls AT&T and sets up a new appointment for today. (Sadly) this is where things again plunge back into the netherworld of customer service.

Around 8:45 am this morning I hear my aunt opening the door (along with thunder sounding like it was renting the sky in two). The installation man was not here. 9:45 turns to 10 and the installation man is still not here. She calls AT&T and they assure her that someone is on their way. 10:45 comes around and she leaves me her phone telling me that she must wash a few cloths but the "people" should be here in a bit. 125pm comes around along with my aunt asking if the "people" came and in hesitated to inform her that they hadn’t. She quickly got on the phone to curse out any (and maybe everyone) that worked at AT&T.

The first person she got she told what happen and they did the whole thing and apologize and left her on hold for 20 minuets (which was the right amount of time that it took for her phone too lose the signal). The second person stayed a little longer but I think insulted her and told her that she would have to pay some sort of fee for "re-installation" to which she replied "I not paying a damn thing let me speak to your supervisor" I heard the woman say "you know what we are done here" and she hung up on my aunt. The third person she talked to was a man named mike. She went through the whole process again and this "Mike" was very informative. He told her that when she initially called to have her service switched the woman she talked to cancelled the service (at her old address next door) but never sent out a work order so the service was still active next door. Mike also told her that he has a record of her order for today and it is in the computer and someone should have come but for some reason no one ever did. By now my aunt has turned a deep burgundy color and is having a glass of wine. "Mike" tells her that he is going to try and figure out what is going on and he would give her a call back that way she would not have to stay on the phone (as of 4:33 "mike" has not called back)

At first glance this seems like a regular blip in customer service but this is not the first experience I've been privy to witness with AT&T. When my mother also inquired about their bundle service I went in the store with her. They gave her all the information and I told her not to sign anything and make it perfectly clear to the man that you just wanted information. To make this long story short the man told my mother the only way that he could tell her exactly how much everything would cost would to be to put all her information in the computer but he could easily delete it out. (It would not be a legal and binding contract because A: she paid no money, B: she signed nothing anywhere.) The following week a woman calls my mother to confirm her installation date. My mother told me that she told the woman that she did not sign up she was only getting information and that she did not want the service. My mother said that the woman told her that the contract was in the computer and that there was a note that said she was going to sign the contract upon installation. Unlike my aunt my mother did not blow up she just calmly told the woman that she did not want them to come out and would not sign anything. On that Saturday I happen to be there and an AT&T installation man knocked at her door with a contract in hand saying that he was here to setup service. My mom told him to leave her property (in a nice way mind you) and promptly spent the next hour on the phone with AT&T telling them to "Cancel" her non-existent service.

The moral of this story. I haven’t had problems with them personally (mainly because I can’t afford them) but if the day ever does come when I can I do not think I will seek the services of AT&T. If by chance this kills a future sponsor so be it. In these times when people are not willing to part with their hard earn money for shoddy products/services offering horrible customer service to them is akin (in my eyes) to say I don’t know a company asking for billions and billions of dollars from the government (tax payers i.e. ME) because they are on the verge of going under and taking the economy with it; only to turn around and throw parties costing hundreds of thousands of dollars, hand out million dollar bonus to the very executives that ran the company to the tipping point. Oh and don’t forget taking personal jets to Washington to ask for the money they supposedly don’t have.

Mc Hammer and Vanilla Ice share a stage WTF !?!?!?!

2009-02-13T01:11:00.000-08:00

Ok everyone slit your wrists now (whats even more scary is the fact that I know some people out there are jumping for joy) I just herd about this and I though it was just some bad joke or even a lie but a few google searches later and I find that it is true. I now have to check and see that I am not in someone's horrible twilight zone coma and they have just awaken almost 20 years later to have this as the first thing they see.

Mc Hammer and Vanilla Ice will be sharing a stage Friday, February 27, 2009, at 8:00 p.m. at the McKay Events Center in Orem, Utah. I know this still sounds weird and strange (even a tad bit apocalyptic) to me. I was around when these two where in their hay-day. I remember when Hammer challenged Michale Jackson to a dance off and in turn Mr. Ice challenged Mr. Hammer to the same. Being the proud Oaklander that I am; I witnessed first hand when things got started and when The Mc requested for Pumps and a Bump and to his dismay got his video banned on MTV and the only place you could really see it in its full (frontal) and unedited form was to order on the Box (now I am ageing myself). I dare not forget the " 2 legit 2 quit" hand motions that everybody 30 and up still remembers how to do but wont ever do nor admit to knowing in public

What was more fun was being an eleven year old boy and witnessing the birth (on the large movie screen) of ninja rap

I know people say that sarcasm does not always translate (much like Mr. Ice's acting skills in Cool as ice) when written but WOW; I mean really WOW. If I were a rich man (and not under pressure, I know that was cheesy)I would go to this event just to see if somewhere (maybe playing the drums) a woman named Babylon riding on a multi headed dragon was there as well. Then again as amazed as I am by the "WTF" value of it all I would go (not for longer than 10 or 15 minuets) but I would go. This is one of those rare things in "WTF" history that you really have to be there just to see and be witness to just so you know that in fact it was real and it did happen. I mean its in the same category as when Pattie la bell sung with Cindy lauper and they both hit the same note. Or when some girl threw their bra onstage to one of the Jonas brothers and when he realized what it was acted as if it was something infected with disease and covered in slime and would not even touch it (im side tracking here).

I wonder if they will both bust out the typewriter at the same time? Now that would be worth the $30 alone.

The nosy aunt continued

2009-02-12T17:54:00.000-08:00

Long ago I posted something about my nosy aunt that lived next door. Well she now lives inside of my house thanks to her landlord suffering (like so other many millions of people) from foreclosure. Things have not been that bad but it is very crowded. The hardest part was convincing her to throw most of her things away. I forgot to mention that in addition to being nosy she is a humongous pack-rat. Yes, yes if anyone of you have a person like that in your family imagine them right up under you nose at all times, fun huh.

Like I said its not that bad though and she is family and I love her so "whadda ya gonna do" right? right.

thanks for reading my blog

The introduction of the fashion police

2008-03-13T00:31:00.000-07:00

I will let you read this and then I will post my response. PLEASE COMMENT ON THIS

""""Earlier in the day, Masters feared the saggy pants law was going down in defeat based upon an informal exit poll. But that changed as more voters went to the polls, he said.

Masters believes Riviera Beach is the first large city to pass a saggy pants law through an election. Others have been approved by ordinance through a board vote.

Riviera Beach joins the city of Opa-Locka, the Atlanta school district and several small southern towns with "pull up your pants" laws.

Under the new law, anyone with droopy pants that show skin or underwear faces legal action. The first offense carries a $150 fine or community service. A second infraction carries a $300 fine or more community service.

Habitual violators could face up to 60 days in jail. The jail provision produced a last-minute backlash to the ordinance. But the law was popular among elderly voters who apparently turned out at the polls.

"It's not our intent to get rich off of fines or lock people up in jail," said an elated Masters. "It's about a simple message: pull up your pants."

Masters was also successful in campaigning against three of the 20 city charter amendments promoted by the city council. Voters said no to extending the mayor and city council terms from two to three years. They also rejected stripping the mayor of his power to suspend employees, a measure that Masters vigorously campaigned against.

Voters also choose to allow the leasing of the municipal marina, which is critical to the city's redevelopment plan. The vote paves the way for the community redevelopment agency to negotiate with master developer Viking Inlet Harbor Properties.

Viking's plan hinges on leasing the marina and upgrading the neighboring Bicentennial Park. The developer's goal is to turn the 13th Street corridor into an international destination for tourists and locals."""""

WAIT THE @!@#$!@# A MINUET HERE! So you mean to tell me that its LEGAL in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA to "DICTATE" what is proper attire and what is not? Yes I do know where "saggin" comes from and yes I do know the whole deal about it being spelled backwards "niggas" yet this is still AMERICA and last I checked the 1st amendment gave us all the right to the freedom of speech and expression of said speech so how did this pass? If this is the way that is the way who every chooses to express themselves and it

A: does no harm intentionally or unintentionally to themselves or others

B: Is not indecent (meaning that private parts are not naked and out for display)

Then how the hell did they do this?

I truly believe that this is just another way to harass the youth or whom ever who might not know that they can not do this to them and also a way to cash in on some money and line someone’s (say an idiotic mayor looking for re-election) pockets.

If they put on the ballots

"anyone wearing big black sunglasses from the 80's that covered your entire head or helmet hair cuts also from the 80's will be subject to a $150 fine or the first offense, a $300 dollar fine for the second offense, and 60 day in jail for continuous action"

People would see how ridiculous this is. What’s next? If you have a Mohawk that's $200 bucks, if you hair is blue or purple that's $450. Dressing in all black that’s $300, White after Labor Day $350. If your a male and your hair is longer than your shoulders $500

I mean come on people this is outrageous. The people I want in jail and off the streets are the people whom would harm me, kill me, rob me, or do some other crazy thing that might affect me and my family in a negative way. Sense they are using my tax dollars to kept them fed and housed I don’t want some 14 year old kid who is trying to be cute or imitate something he saw on TV in jail and doing community service when he should be in school learning something that will keep him out of the system that this type of idiotic law puts him in. I see it now

“What are you in here for? Saggin”

how stupid and waste of time and tax payers dollars. I’m sure that there must be SOMETHING more important to the Florida police departments than patrolling for pants being too low. How are they going to determine this as well? Will they pounce out of the squad cars with rulers and say “your pants are an inch too low we’re taking you in” We have made it ILLEGAL for someone to express themselves, we’ve made it ILLEGAL for someone to BE themselves. We are even more down the road of 1984 here.

All hail the introduction of the fashion police

In a "TIMELY" manner

2008-02-03T13:25:00.000-08:00

About three months ago I was having some trouble with my Norton anti-virus program. It was seriously down and out of commission for about two days. The problem seems to have reset its self and it is working fine now. In the following few days however, I contacted various Norton people, left e-mails, and even posted on their Tech support page. As I said before the problem seems to have reset its self, no one ever responded to any e-mails or any messages that I sent or the tech support page. Today however I get this

“If this issue is not resolved to your satisfaction, you may reopen it
within the next 21 days.

Subject
---------------------------------------------------------------
Technical Support

Discussion Thread
---------------------------------------------------------------
Response (Gokul.Srinivasan) - 02/03/2008 06:02 AM
Greetings Chris,

Thank you for contacting Symantec Technical Support.

We notice that you had posted us an email about an issue with your Norton product. We had responded to it with the appropriate troubleshooting steps. After observing that you have not responded to us about the status of the issue, we would like to know whether the issue has been resolved or if we could be of further assistance.

We will be more than happy to help you resolve the issue, if it still persists.

At Symantec, we strive to build enduring relationships with our customers by anticipating their needs and consistently exceeding their expectations. We value the opportunity to serve your needs.

If you would like one of our senior experts from technical support to help you resolve this issue please reply to this email. While replying to this mail, please do not change the subject line.

Thank you for your patronage and we look forward to a continued association with you.

Regards,

Gokul
Team Supervisor
Symantec Technical Support”

It went on to give me directions on downloading this and reinstalling that. In reality all I had to do was just stress out and not use my computer for a week in fear of malicious infections, everything after was dandy. It is truly nice to see that the term “Timely manner” is still a corporate value.

SMART LITTLE MONKEY

2007-12-10T20:02:00.000-08:00

I was reading something a friend of mine had written about Science and Scientists. I did not post this to his comments because

A: I don’t want to be his contrarian which I have been feeling like as of late and

B: this is way too long

It really made me think and remember things from long ago. I had a friend whom was a devout atheist and held that science was the only answer to any question that man could ever ask of the universe. At that time in my life I had just been “born again” so I was more religious than spiritual but, I still hold fast to what I eventually said to him then which I think led him into Buddhism but that is another topic. I said to him

“Science IS one of the greatest things that man has ever come up with but it only explains HOW, and leaves out WHY. You could go out into a forest and study every rock, tree, bug, animal and so on and be able to explain every aspect of HOW every thing in that forest works but, science will never be able to tell you WHY the tree is a tree and not a rock, the bird is not a lion, why the ant is not a worm or even why the forest is not an ocean. Science is only HALF the answer. He asked me did I know then why a tree was a tree, an ant an ant, and so on. I told him no of course not nobody does. He said then whats is my point. I said to him that’s just it. Some things I don’t want to know or even need to know. What good does it serve me to know why a tree is a tree and not a rock also, if I did know that answer then would I not be responsible for that knowledge?”

We could have went on for hours but this was in the middle of chemistry class and the teacher stopped us because nobody was paying any attention to her. Now that I’m (a little) older and not as devout in religion but more into the growth of the sprit I learned long ago that you can not change people but they change themselves and your purpose is only to share the knowledge that you have with them. The rest is up to them and what every they do or do not believe in. Again don’t get me wrong I BELIEVE in science but even science disproves its own self and contradicts its self all the time.

The photon camera experiment

If you shone a light down an enclosed tunnel with a camera at the one end and a slide in the middle that had slits so small the light could only pass through the slits ONE photon at a time. The Theory is that sense light, and sound travel in waves when the light hits the other end the same pattern should repeat if you were to pull the slide out and put it back. Not only does this not happen but when tested scientist have found that photons were not following wave theory and creating an interference wave pattern. It was as if the same photon was traveling through two different slits at the same time. Science proved something that was scientifically impossible

Black Holes

Basically all physics, all math do not apply to a black hole. Scientist said it was impossible for anything to have gravity = to ∞ yet, a black hole does. Which meant that its gravitational pull was > than the speed of light. Yet again something that was thought to be impossible. We all know from various science classes that if you could travel to a black hole you would get sucked in and as you approached the pulsar you would be stretched out basically over the span of billions of miles till you reached a point of nothingness were there is no gravity, no time, no light, nothing. So too does this happen to the light and all matter that a black hole sucks in. A state were waves are stretched into a line. Which implies that in geometric terms point “A” and point “B” while on the same line are different they are also the same. Time, sound, light all travel in waves so if waves are stretched flat in a black whole does time, and light go on forever in a black whole or do they just stop?? Hence, all mathematics that you learn in high school, and even in some colleges don’t make sense and are not used to “mathematically” explain Black holes.

AND THEN THERE’S MAUDE.

Life is for the living. Ask your questions and receive your answers I believe in science but remember there ARE things that science can not answer and when science tries to do so they only end up with more questions and still no answer to the original question.

There is an old Chinese tale about the Immortal Monkey King whom hatched from a rock. After pissing everybody off on earth the Jade Emperor let him into heaven to appease the human race. It was not long till he pissed off everyone in heaven. The Jade Emperor not knowing what to do, had the Buddha talk with monkey. Buddha made a bet with the monkey.

“If you are as powerful as you say you are then jump from one end of my hand to the other.”

Monkey laughed at The Buddha and jumped with all his might. He looked down as he jumped and saw mountains the earth and the heavens. When he landed he looked around for The Buddha to make fun of him and mock him but he did not see him so he basically “TAGGED” a pillar which he thought to be the end of heaven. He then jumped back to the Buddha and the Buddha was laughing at him. He was pissed and asked him why he was laughing and the Buddha showed him that not only had he not jumped out of his hand but had tagged his index finger which he had thought was a pillar at the end of heaven. The Buddha then placed him under a mountain guarded by a special sutra (and some type of monster I forget but this is all paraphrased anyway ) for 500 years till he “calmed down” and was ready for enlightenment

What’s my point. In the end compared to it all were nothing more than smart little monkeys whom if were not careful could be pissing off the wrong one.

http://www.aaronshep.com/stories/036.html

http://www.abc.net.au/science/slab/blackholes/story.htm

http://www.physics.brown.edu/physics/demopages/Demo/modern/demo/7a5520.htm

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn2650-black-hole-theory-suggests-light-is-slowing.html

http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn6151

Oh how I whish I would have thought of this

2007-11-04T18:37:00.000-08:00

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:What Makes 100percent? What does it mean to give MORE than 100percent? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100percent? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100percent. How about achieving 103 percent? What makes up 100percent in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions

:If:A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented
as:1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:H A R D W O R K8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98percent

K N O W L-E D G E11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96percnet

ButA T T I-T U D E1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100percent

AndB-U-L-L-$-H-I-T2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103percent

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.A-S$-$-K-I-S-S-I-N-G1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118percent

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bull***** and Ass kissing that will put you over the top

I need you

2007-11-04T14:19:00.000-08:00

I need you. You don’t have to say anything. Just sit next to me while my mind retreats into itself. You don’t have to do much. As I talk and talk and talk the fact that you are there (even if you may not be listening) is enough to comfort. I don’t need flowers, or candy, or any of the things that young lovers desire. The little things mean more to me. A person can only live life one second at a time. You being you is enough for me.

I need you. As I contemplate Matthew 15:18 raise my hand and decide never to swear again. When I fucking stumble you don't shake a finger, or chastise, or even make known my folly.

I need you. When I meditate on the Chandogya Upanishad book 6 verse 3,2 and I decide to paint my fingernails all different colors and die my hair to match. (Even if you laugh) you let me be me.

You provide input to my examination on Ananse. Should he have been given the Sky god's stories or his wife? She was the one who told him how to trap the leopard, the hornets, the python, and the bush spirit.

I need you to be you, just you and nothing but you. I need you not because I want you. I need you not just for my own selfish mental or sexual needs.

I need you because we are like a saxophone and its player. A songstress and her voice; a painter and his brush.

I need you because together we are a work of art.
©Christopher f. Brown 2007

" Now its time... to say goodbye...."

2007-10-31T12:52:00.000-07:00

Let us all take a moment and say farewell to the Halloween party on Castro. I remember the first time I attended I had just come out and I " was looking for some hot stuff baby that evening." I had friends form as far south as Morgan hill and San Jose to as far North as Mt Shasta and some other place that i don't remember (well i don't remember alot about that night but that's not the point).

The point is that what few traditions that young gay and questioning youth have left in this world if swiftly fading away. I was told that not only was the Halloween party the start of the party season it was also in many ways a right of passage. Young and old gather for the first night of fun in otherwise sheltered and closed off society.

Yes there is pride and yes there are other events (the block party) but there was nothing (and probably will be nothing) quite like the Halloween party. A modern masquerade where inhibitions were checked at the muni stations and self discovery awaited.

Then there is the question of who? Whom was that had the power to stop a time honored tradition that had seen over thirty years of life? That answer. That answer is as ironic as the party its self. The very people whom thirty or so years ago came to the Castro seeking self-discovery, seeking a place to carve out a life that they could lead and not be shamed or made to feel as if they had to hide themselves from the world because of who they really are. The very people who live on the Castro. The elders, many of whom have stories of studio 54 and club (whatever) the people who were young enough and had the balls enough to live their life out loud and proud are now closing the door for the next generation. I do say shame. Shame on you for now because for what every reason not giving your children (yes your LGBT children) the chance to be able to say

" I remember back in 07 at the Halloween party; oh let me tell you"

How many cherished memories of your younger days would you dare not give up now in your elder years.

Alas the door is now closed and era has passed. Everyone pray, pray that pride is not next, pray that the cafe is not next, pray that the Castro itself in the the end of the list and we see before it is all to late. Let us, all of us remember when we turn old and grey and are ready to yell out at the top of old tired lungs

"those god$@#$ kids!!!!!"

remember you were one of them.

Happy Halloween.
©Christopher f. Brown 2007

thank you for reading my blog

"Back in my day"

2007-10-28T05:20:00.000-07:00

I feel like an old man saying it yet it does need to be said. When I was younger growing up in North Oakland there were things after school for a child of 8-16 years of age to do without causing chaos and destruction.

The very first thing that I spent many of day (and dollar) at was the arcade. There was one in the public market shopping center ( laughs). There was also a smaller and lesser quality one across the street from Safeway in rockrige. I also recall that what (and yes I am telling my age) was called the underground. It was an arcade that was open to the public. It was on the Cal Berkeley campus. If you by chance happen to get alot of money from "moms" that day you could go and enjoy paying on the pool tables or bowling a few on the lanes. One by one these faded away as mall owners and government officials decided that the pre-teen to teen population was too much hassle to be worth while.

If you were more on the sporty side there was a Laser tag place right next to a batting cage that was conveniently around the corner from the video arcades. These faded away as well yet not with out a fight. These too being "quality activities" for children but again gave way for "progress".

The final bastion that I thought would never fade was the Boys & Girls club of North Oakland on 48th and shattick. This was not where alot of older kids went but, children too young to be at home yet also to young to roam the streets by themselves. They would rage as young as five to as old as twelve. My cousin worked a few summers there and properly put a few of the bolder children with smarter mouths in garbage cans. It was all in good fun alas the Boys & Girls club of North Oakland on 48th and shattick bowed down to the pressure of the every grown appeal of renovating old spaces to lofts.

What now?

Today we have Bay Street. Bay street is just a little slice (or is trying to be) of down town San Francisco (mainly market street) closer to home. If you have the money you have it all. They even have a bran spanking new movie theater, and a bookstore, the works. It almost makes you forget that there has been a movie theater in area for over twenty years and a bookstore for at least twelve. The children with nothing to do and nowhere to go just hang. They congregate in groups up to ten or more. I remember being in a group of three or more was sure to have the local PD circle you a time or two (not that im against police that do actually protect and serve).

These children left up to their own devises just roam. They haunt the streets somewhat aimlessly searching for anything to quench the thirst that a teen has for adventure and excitement. Its sad really. I don't have any answers and I truly wish that i did. On the one hand i don't want them not to be left out in the cold and harsh reality of the worldly truth "no fun with out finance" Then also what is to be done? I fear the all to easy answer that was a trend in my youth

"build more jails"

It reminds me of the stories my mother and older uncles told me about seventh street before the post office came but that is another story.
©Christopher f. Brown 2007

On the wings of a Dragonfly

2007-10-28T01:06:00.000-07:00

She stopped in-front of my face and said

"Come on… I wanna show you something."

I hoped on her back and she flew me close but not too close to the sun. We danced a dance on the shores of Lacus Somniorum and made love at the top of Maxwell Montes. I told her to take a left at Atlantis and we should have ended up on the shores of Avalon. Instead we landed at mermaid lagoon. She was jealous.

Time passed in the wind. I awoke and she was gone.

I remember the time I rode on the wings of a dragonfly
©Christopher f. Brown 2007

"Just a good ole boy"

2007-10-26T12:22:00.000-07:00

I'm watching the news and Bush has graced So Cal with his presence (what a surprise he would visit one of the biggest republican hot spots in California. forgive the pun) and he had this to say

"Today life might seem dismal but, tomorrow it gets better"

Ok. I get what hes trying to say but no. It will not be better tomorrow. These people have lost EVERYTHING that it has taken a life time to establish. It might get better one day but not tomorrow. I understand the use of similes and metaphors but does he? Its has been almost three or so years and things have not gotten better for Katrina victims, for the most part it has continuously and progressively gotten worse. Things such as the fema trailer making people sick ( http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/05/16/cbsnews_investigates/main2819179.shtml ) to the crime rate being 30% higher there than any other city in America. To give an example if one person was shot everyday in every city in America then in New Orleans it would be three a day. ( http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16490563/ )

Mr Bush, one day yes, tomorrow no.

my nosy aunt and bisexuality

2007-10-24T23:59:00.000-07:00

Riddle me this everyone.

I arrive at my door step today at around 11:35pm to discover that I do not have my house keys. I frantically look through my back-pack, turn my pockets inside out and I still find no keys. This leaves me in a bit of a dilemma. I've only given out a few sets of keys to certain people my mother(of course), my sister, my cousin(whom is the son of the nosy aunt), and a friend of mine who now lives in LA.

My mother and sister are on a plane to LA right now. My phone is off so can't call my cousin nor my landlord. My aunt (the nosy one) lives next door to me so i suck it up and decide to spend the night there. I walk in and tell her what happen. Low and behold she hands me a key to my house (which I NEVER gave to her). I politely thanked her, found my keys on the coffee table, and gave HER key back.

I am grateful that she had a key otherwise i would not be typing this right now. The question is how did she get the key? I NEVER gave her a key because she is just that NOSY! Don't get my wrong I love her with all my heart but case in point when my cousin moved in with her for a while i caught her going through his stuff. Not only did she see nothing wrong with this behavior but she invited me to join in on the nosy fun.

My theories to how she came to posses a key are.

A: my mother gave her a key in order to promote family unity i guess.

B: my cousin(her son) gave her his key or left it at her house.

C: she somehow got his key without him knowing.

the main question now is what to do now?

Do I change the locks to my house to secure the sovereignty of my privacy? or do nothing and risk having the thought that at any given time she could be snooping?

On to the other subject. I was talking to a co-worker of mine about sexuality and they said something that just took me back about ten years.

" Yeah I'm in a relationship with a female bodied person now..."

It made me laugh and reminisce to when I first came out. Like most i guess the term would be "straight acting" ,"trade" or "butch" males that I've encountered I did not say that i was "GAY" but bi-sexual when i first came out. I would go on and on about how

"love is not limited to a physical form so we as evolved human beings should not limit ourselves to gender".

I would rant about how

"a man can love his father, his brother, his friend, and son and all of these types of love are acceptable in our society. At the same time if a man was to take another man as his lover then some how that is wrong. If you had the same love for a woman and then labeled her with the suffix "er" then that was acceptable. Moreover why even have labels at all. If it is true love then if it is a man or woman then the love will be the same. Love comes from the soul..... blah blah blah"

FOR ME it all boiled down to that fact that some how i felt that admitting my homosexuality was only ok if i also showed that i was still a "man" and still had an attraction to and for women. In reality it was what i call "creeping out of the closet" saying that women were still acceptable also made me acceptable. Acceptable to everyone but myself. Needless to say I am now a full fledged homosexual. The amount of girlfriends that showed me breasts and how it did nothing for me coupled with the fact that sexual intercourse was only achievable when thoughts of extremely sexy men with large asses danced in my head cemented in my soul that i was gay, not bi.

Now don't get me wrong i do believe that their are truly bi-sexual people out there ( the ones I've met 98% have been women). If you are what you are then say it proudly. I just have a problem when people lie to themselves and you know it and they even know it but to reference another conversation that i had with another co-worker today, people have to want to and be willing to make changes in themselves for themselves until then you live with the lie
©Christopher f. Brown 2007

thank you for reading my blog

Capitalism: America Vs China

2007-10-24T01:01:00.000-07:00

In America when you hear the word "capitalism" the next words, ideas that usually follow are "democracy, freedom" . With this said and the American dollar dropping in value as I type how do we explain the capitalist Chinese economy?

We all (whom have taken a history class) remember how the Chinese government dealt with its peoples when they last took up arms and demanded more rights from their government. There is the lasting image of "Tank Man" on t-shirts, journals, and other novelty items here in America. If you travel off to the land of the east you wont (and dare not) find any mention of such a thing. In this land of the far east there have been reports of everything from people being arrested for spitting on the ground, taken to jail, executed, only to have their organs harvested and sold on the black market(http://en.epochtimes.com/news/7-10-23/61103.html).

How then with a Government that makes no qualms about its open and direct policy of supremacy to it people balance the every power shifting money grab that is capitalism. Capitalism by its definition implies that the "individual" can prosper. It implies that "privately own" corporations meet the demands and needs of the people; for a price.

With the Chinese government i believe that things have worked out so far because there was always big bad America to keep everyone in check. Now with America weakening economically like any other entrepreneur China see its doorway for growth and expansion. Deals with others for more profit. Cutting corners to bring in more and more money. Yet now with the Chinese people use to a certain level of economic freedom HISTORY has always proven that they again will want an equal level of social and civil freedoms as well. Who then steps in? Will China follow down the well worn path bloody that America once did in its revolutionary hay day? Will the will of the people once again be suppressed?

I truly don't know but, I will say in the next 20-30 years expect a lot to come from China. China boasting over 1.3 BILLION people (earths population 6.6 BILLION) means that 20% of the people on earth ( 1 OUT OF 5) live in china(http://geography.about.com/od/populationgeography/a/chinapopulation.htm), are Chinese, speak either Mandarin or Cantonese. China being the third largest country in the world(http://www.chinatoday.com/) the old saying about it being "the sleeping dragon" should be updated to "the sleeping dragon with ALOT of pissed off children.
©Christopher f. Brown 2007

thank you for reading my blog

first day back to work after 3day vaction

2007-10-23T23:31:00.000-07:00

I was all ready to go on a rampage about what happen to me at work today. I then realized that it might not be such a good idea to post that seeing as how i still work there. If by chance (which is always the most likely possibility with me) certain people were to see this blasted out, i could be kicked out.

What i will say(I hope that I can say this on here) today is that the plural form of "PENIS" is either "PENISES" OR "PENES". It seemed very strange "PENISES" just does not even sound grammatically correct and "PENES" just sound like a mispronunciation of "PENNIES"

To switch to something completely inappropriate. My mother and sister (whom share the same birthday) are going to Las Vegas for their birthdays. We have some cousins who moved there a year or so ago. I'm happy for them but at the same time they did not even ask me if I wanted to go. It does not matter however because one i could not afford it and two i would not be able to get time off

well that's whats on my mind right now I'll probably write more tonight

thank you for reading my blog
©Christopher f. Brown 2007

a very simple little pome

2007-10-23T13:34:00.000-07:00

Forward or back? they are the same.

"Come forth I beseech thee. Dare not look back! Least you suffer consequences of thine own circumstances."

Forward or back? they are the same

You go forward.

In between the dark there is...
©Christopher f. Brown 2007

HELL0 & GOODEVENING

2007-10-23T04:22:00.000-07:00

So I've started a blog. Yes I know that I'm late and everyone has a blog but what the hell; i didn't have one.

first off I'm Chris brown (not the singer. I practically ten years his senior) if your reading this then you probably know who I am. (hello)

as of 10/2007 I started learning Yoruba. It is an African language from Nigeria. I figured most of the people in America can trace their ancestry back to a country of origin simply by the tongue that their grandparents spoke. African Americans on the other hand; we can also trace our root back to Africa (for 300 dollars which i don't have you can do blood work and they now can tell you the precise tribe that your DNA is related to or closely matches).

I figured since Nigeria was one of the largest slave trade areas of the times and the Yoruba people always having been on of the largest tribes of the area i would be safe in saying that it could have been my "mother tongue" in a lot of ways it is a lot easier than English but also it is a tonal language. The word "oko" said incorrectly could mean "husband, farm, projectile, or even penis".

Just when i did not think the news had anything to tell anymore i realized that someone i know could very well be in the fire going on down in LA. I will say a prayer for him before i go to sleep tonight(morning) and I'll call him tomorrow.

Its late and that was on my mind. Thank you for reading my blog